Let's hear of your faith, philosophy, etc. and how you came to this point.

[RJB]

BEFORE POSTING: Please keep your posts limitted to your own personal stories and thoughts rather than responding to others. We can comment on other threads, but I thought it would be cool to let people speak freely without ridicule. Baring ones soul can be hard.

None of us on this forum think in the box. I've always wondered how a lot of you came to your conclusions whether you're religious, doubtful, still searching...

Some others posted their conversion stories buried in threads. I thought it would be nice to have it all in one place to see where we are all coming from intellectually and spiritually.

[RJB]

I was raised in a Catholic/Charismatic family. It was a bit odd going to morning mass then a nondenominational prayer meeting with Catholics, Pentecostals, etc. I did have a good relationship with God where I could feel his love in my heart at the time.

In my late teens when I joined the Marines, I became disillusioned with my country, religion etc. I doubted everything and quickly became an atheist. Looking back it was when I rejected God to embrace a sinful lifestyle.

I still read the bible-- with a more sociological interest into what made people into "wackos." I did find if I followed the moral points, my life wouldn't get screwed up. :) I also looked into Eastern religions. I meditated and did different exercises to become enlightened.

This went on for 15 years. Then I ran into a brick wall when my wife conceived at a very bad time for us. I was struck with horror when the word abortion popped in my head. Instinctively, I knew my daughter was more than a group of cells. I could sense a soul, even though I didn't believe in such a thing.

I stayed an atheist, but wanted to raise my children with the moral foundation that my parents gave me. I halfheartedly sought a church. I'd cynically say, "God if you're here, come down and talk to me like you did with Moses..." Nothing. I wanted proof of God. A burning bush, to touch the wounds as Thomas did...

I read the "Left Behind" series mostly because I like stories with a VERY evil antagonist. This prompted me to really try to pray. I said, "God I don't believe in you but PLEASE, PLEASE, help me to find you if you exist. At the time I didn't feel anything, but looking back, that was a pivotal moment. I really did seek Jesus. I felt the flicker, but no fire. I went to different churches. Different denominations. Even a friend who had one in his basement. I considered being a "church" to myself, but had no self discipline.

I did NOT want to be a Catholic. For me I held that rebellion from my youth. I wanted something different. I wanted progression, but when I talked to different Churches a good portion wanted to tell me how they were different from Catholics even though I never mentioned how I was raised. Even more disturbing was that their understanding of my childhood faith was false. This really made me question. Along with the bible, I sought early church history-- this prompted me to visit a Catholic priest.

What shocked me was not that he wanted to argue religion, bible, philosophy, etc. to prove that HE was right and I was wrong. He was more concerned with the state of my soul. This floored me. I loved arguing, but here I found love was greater than rhetorical arguments.

He asked when I last made a good confession-- I went to confession (BTW, we don't believe priests are powerful and take the place of Jesus, but rather Jesus works through them the same way the laying of hands heals. It's the Grace of God, not priests.) I was in the confessional awhile...

Afterward, I knelt to pray and I suddenly felt the love of Jesus that I had been seeking. Everytime I started to get up a sadness overwhelmed me. I wanted to forever stay in prayer. The power of the conversion was palpable. It dawned on me, all that time I really had no sorrow for my sins. I still (up until that point) clung to my sins and refuse to truly in my heart acknowledge Jesus' sacrifice for those sins. I found I had to both love and believe in him. For all that time I had searched for something real. Finally I had found it. The love of God is palpable. All you have to do is ask. To this day a five second prayer holds more enlightenment than hours of meditation. I love Jesus. Try asking.

BTW, this was my story of finding Jesus. I'm not here to judge anyone else. For me a doubter, I found it was the understanding of God's love.

[StackerKen]

Good thread RJ
and Nice testimony :)

Really funny that you should start this thread because after reading Greenbear's post on another thread I have been thinking about writing my own testimony.

You are right " Baring ones soul can be hard."

My story is a long one (Starts at 11 years old) and for me is a bit embarrassing.

also, I not very good with words..

But im gonna try to get started on a short (Readers digest) version soon.

Thanks RJ

[RJB]

Thanks Ken.

BTW this thread isn't limitted to Christians. I'm sure everyone here has an interesting story.

[Ash_Williams]

I wasn't raised with any religion.
I was an atheist while a teenager.
I'm not really anything now. I think every grain of sand, is here for the same reason as every person, and that's here for the same reason as everything. I don't know the reason.
I've experienced what they call "ego death" without the help of any drugs (or even knowing it could happen or the name of it) and found it to be very mind-opening.

When it comes to gods I believe that ones spoken of in ancient texts were something real. Newer gods are composite characters based on the many older ones. While the older ones were called gods, I don't equate them with any type of all-powerful infinite creator of everything. That may exist or not exist in any number of forms but I don't believe that is what the texts were describing when they spoke of their gods that the people actually interacted with.

[RJB]

Thanks Ash.

Keep 'em coming.

[greenbear]

RJB- as you requested me privately I am reposting mine here. :)




In my case, as an agnostic in my late twenties, my spiritual journey, so to speak, began when I read two books: The Road Less Traveled by M Scott Peck, and Entropy by Jeremy Rifkin. Not Christian books by any means, but Entropy in particular shocked my mind into questioning the evolutionary thinking I had been steeped in from public school, university, and society in general.

Next, God used a Seventh Day Adventist co-worker to cause me to consider Jesus as at least an actual historical figure. I read Josh McDowell's Evidence That Demands A Verdict and his beginning argument as I recall was that Jesus cannot be just a good man because he claimed to be God. Therefore, Jesus was either a deluded nut-case, or a liar, or he was God, as he claimed.

Anyway, I joined the SDA church and collected a small library of EG White's writings and since they contradicted the Bible I came to the troubled conclusion that the Bible was unintelligible, and that there was no way that it could be understood but through the lens of a Prophet (Ellen White).

The work-based gospel of SDA didn't work out very well for me because I couldn't deceive myself into believing that I was able to keep any part of the Law, not even the Sabbath. My dread from my first waking moment each day was that Jesus had already entered into the Most Holy place, and according to SDA doctrine, it would be too late for me (because I knew I was not yet keeping the Law perfectly). I knew I was still a wretched sinner destined for Hell but it was some small consolation to me that SDA taught destruction of the soul (as far as I understood), so I wouldn't have to suffer for all eternity in the Lake of Fire.

I became very angry with God, what kind of a cruel monster would require that I be something that I could never be, reasoned I. I left the SDA church, told all my family and friends that God is a BIG LIE. I determined to party-harty, eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow I die. This didn't work out too well for me, either. The Holy Spirit would not leave me alone. He was constantly, and quietly convicting my heart and ruining all my fun.

Next came the first Iraq war with the images of burning oilfields conjuring up in my mind descriptions of the judgment of God upon the Earth during the Tribulation period and I understood the ME was where end-time prophecy unfolds. I wanted so badly to understand what the Bible had to say about what was going to happen in the future.

Since God would not leave me alone, and besides I wanted to understand Bible prophesy, I went to a Pentecostal church a friend was attending. I asked people there if they could explain what the Bible has to say about end-times events. Can you believe no one could or would? My friend told me, if no one else can answer your questions then why not ask God? Now, that was a revelation. Why hadn't I thought of that? Because I had believed that the Bible was not meant to be understood by the average person but that it had to be interpreted by another human being.

To bring this finally to a close, I asked God and a week later I met my husband. He had come to the Lord in more of a head-on collision manner, as opposed to my meandering journey from pitfall to pitfall since I had no knowledge or spiritual discernment. Apart from his knowledge and insight, the main thing I needed to understand was that God through his Holy Spirit gives understanding of the scriptures and that the Bible says what it means and means what it says.

There is no higher authority on this earth concerning spiritual matters than the Bible. Not EG White, not Benny Hinn, not the Pope. There is no middle-man that stands between the believer and God, and no Priest other than our High Priest Jesus Christ. There is no representative of God on this earth other than his body, which is composed of sinful men and women who have trusted exclusively on Christ's atonement for their sin by faith alone.

"For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus; Who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time." 1 Timothy 2:5-6

Some people can pin-point the exact moment they were saved. I don't know exactly when I was born-again, it may have been when I joined the SDA church. I believe it is when a person chooses to have a saving faith in Christ as their Saviour that they are born-again by the Spirit of God. It is a work of God in the spiritual realm. It has nothing to do with belonging to an earthly organization, or being water-baptized, or reading the KJV.

However, Christ says,

"He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad." Matthew 12:30


Jesus Christ's Apostle to the gentiles warns believers,

As we said before, so say I now again, "If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed". Galatians 1:9

Salvation is through grace alone, if we try to add works along side grace it is no longer grace.

And if by grace, then is it no more of works: otherwise grace is no more grace. But if it be of works, then is it no more grace: otherwise work is no more work. Romans 11:6



Why did God choose to do it this way?

That no flesh should glory in his presence. 1 Corinthians 1:29

[RJB]

Thanks for the posts guys.

[fiftybagger]

I grew up an atheist. In fact I was a member of the American Atheists organization from my youth. This was at a time when admitting you were an atheist was akin to admitting you were an ax murderer. I was quite zealous, in fact I used to seek out Christians to argue with them. Most of them had no clue what they believed or why they believed it, so I was further emboldened by these confrontations. In high school my big class presentation was "there is no God"(yes they allowed this). And it did cause quite a commotion when I presented my own theories about the the speed of light, and how through triangulation you could prove that Genesis was false.

From a very early age I declared that I was going to be a lawyer and study constitutional law. Primarily so I could set about my goal of abolishing all government support of, or displays of Christianity. But I was also on a desperate search for truth. I wanted to know the truth no matter how ugly it was, or how awful the consequences. I just knew there was a truth out there and I had to find it no matter where it led. So I began to devour the works of the great philosophers, Kant, Hume, Hegel, Plato, Descartes, etc. In the summer of my 16th year, while other kids were having fun, I was pouring through these tomes trying to find the truth.

I went to college and of course majored in pre-law and philosophy. My first class was political science 101 with the famous professor Johnson, who was a sort of legend on campus due to his dynamic and confrontational teaching style. The first day of class he told us all to take out a piece of paper and write down the definition of justice. I wrote "justice is that every person gets what he deserves, and since there is no God, there is no justice". Well of course I was singled out, but I would not budge, no God = no justice. I was already an existentialist but didn't know it. I eventually stopped going to that class and bombed out of it. But my other professors loved me because I understood what they were talking about, so I got good grades from all of them.

Then I found Sartre. To borrow a line from WIKI since it's been so long "Sartre said that human beings have no essence before their existence, because there is no Creator. Thus: "existence precedes essence". So, and just for that, the Sartrean man with his free will become a god, but he will always remain only a bankrupt god". Sartre taught many other things but that is the main theme. But there was one other idea he taught that really bothered me, bad faith. Bad faith Sartre taught is essentially self-deception, a state that most men live in. But due to his epistemology, he could not accept a Jungian unconscious, or a Freudian subconscious.

I pondered as Sartre did, if I deceive myself then that means that I withhold something from myself that I know to be true. But if I know it to be true, then how can I be deceived about it? Sartre then hinted at the possibility of a third party deciever but mainly dismissed it, but I pondered it often. Unfortunately my ponderings were more often than not accompanied also by use of drugs and alcohol, which were becoming more out of control. I ended up dropping out and working so I could pursue my hobby, getting stoned. I also began playing the guitar and figuring out the songs of my favorite rock bands, and Led Zepplin was at the top. But they also had a bizarre devotion to the occult which I thought was hocus pocus.

I was also a big follower of CSICOP, Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal. For me debunking Christianity and debunking the occult were one in the same, stupid superstitions for stupid people. But I was becoming increasingly disturbed about my favorite band. Someone showed me how if you play the song stairway to heaven backwards it says "here's to my sweet satan". And I played with forward and reverse recording, but could not figure out how they did it. I also would take the bus downtown with my guitar and smoke pot and play guitar in the parks all night. One night I met a guy down there and he said "you don't believe in the devil? I'll prove to you there's a devil. Next time you're on the bus and you're directly behind someone, stare at the back of their head, and they will turn around." Balderdash I thought, but it started happening to me. In fact it got so bad that I had to start riding in the front of the bus because it was too disturbing to ride in the back behind all those people scratching the back of their heads and turning around.

Meanwhile I had also met this woman who was a self proclaimed occultist. I was fascinated how she could believe that stuff and started hanging around with her. Not long after this more strange things started happening to me that I could not explain. One night I awoke from a dead sleep and looked at the clock, it was 3:33 AM. I thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. Then it happened again, and again, and again. Every time it was exactly 3:33 AM. Now I was getting scared. I could no longer deny that there had to be a nonhuman intelligence behind all of this, and I was pretty sure it was malevolent.

I told my friend about this and matter-of-factly she said "of course, I have programmed you in as star 3. You need to give me your exact date of birth down to the second. My "friends" have requested this and said you are very important to them". One night after getting high she said I have a gift for you, watch this to the end and when it is finished you will receive a gem. It seemed to be on the TV, but it wasn't like a normal channel. This thing, like a lotus flower began to continuously unfold on itself and was drawing me in, but it felt evil. I shouted "enough" and fled out of there. As I was leaving she said "why do you always resist us". I was getting really scared now. Something malevolent was out there trying to get me, in fact somehow I knew it wanted to kill me. But then I had an epiphany, I reasoned, this thing is clearly evil and it wants to destroy me. It is incredibly intelligent and powerful, yet it is somehow being thwarted. If it is being thwarted, then there must also be something more powerful than it is. THERE MUST BE A GOD!

Now it was a matter of life and death. I was convinced there was a devil, and also therefore a God, but how do I find him? Someone had told me once that the Bible described the flying saucers in Ezekiel, so I investigated it and the verses seemed to describe that kind of a thing. Maybe the aliens were God? I snuck out of my room at night and went out to meet them. I went down into the woods and awaited them. There was no wind at all and it was a very calm night, but I began to hear off in the distance something whirling around in the treetops. And it was coming towards me. As this whirling wind approached closer and closer it came to rest above me. Then the moon itself began to come down through the trees. As it came down I could see it was going to come down through the tree next to me and into me, but the feeling of evil was growing as it did. As it got closer and closer I prayed, God if this is not of you protect me from it. As soon as I prayed that it disappeared and I fled.

By this time my family was becoming very concerned about me. I was showing all the classic signs of schizophrenia. So my mom arranged to have me see the college psychiatrist. I sat down and told them all of the things that had been happening to me and he asked if I had ever tried this particular anti-psych drug. I was furious. I told him "listen buddy, I am on a quest to find the truth, to reach God whatever it takes. You may not believe these things are real, but I KNOW they are real because I saw them with my own eyes". And I walked out of there. Back at the library, I was still combing through the religious and occult sections trying to find an answer when one book just kind of jumped out at me, it was called "Satan is alive and well on planet earth". I grabbed it and read it cover to cover that night. It described much of the occult stuff I'd witnessed. But near the end it said one simple thing, that Jesus was standing at the door knocking and if I let him in, he would come in. I said to God, "God I've tried everything else to no avail, if this is how to reach you, and Jesus is the answer, I open the door of my heart to Jesus, come in".

The next day when I awoke I wondered if anything had happened. But something had changed. My mind was clear and the only thing I wanted to do was to go get a Bible and start reading it as fast as possible. Someone had recommended the Scofield Reference Bible. So I went down and bought one of those. I also got every book by Hal Lindsey I could find and Dave Hunt as well, whom he had recommended. But the biggest shock came when I started reading the Bible, IT MADE SENSE. For the first time in my life I could read the Bible without becoming confused and falling asleep. I devoured it, and all the books by Lindsey and Hunt as well. One of my best friends woke me up one morning by throwing a bag of weed at me and said let's go get high. I threw it back at him and said "I'm a born again Christian". And I began to give him my testimony.

I also went to all the Christians I knew who argued with me about the existence of God. But nobody seemed to know what I was talking about. I told them born again, you know, a new person? They thought I was crazy. Now I was really perplexed. I called my witch friend and told her "guess what, I'm a born again Christian, I trusted Jesus!" She said "we've lost you" and hung up. I found myself more alone than before. I went to various churches, but they were as bad or worse than my so called Christian friends. One of my high school friends who always loved to argue with me, his parents heard I'd become a Christian, so they invited me to go to their Church. On the way there she told me about this wonderful book she was reading about the Jungian archtypes. I rebuked her sharply and said "don't you know that Jung admitted that his ideas were given to him by his spirit guide, which is a DEVIL!". So we went to the Assemblies of God and the first thing they wanted to do was to lay hands on me and make me speak in tongues. Somehow the whole thing felt alot like my occult experiences and I fled.

At this point I threw up my hands and decided to hit the streets, maybe they would listen to me. So I went downtown to hang out with the bums, druggies, and hookers, and tell them about Jesus. Some listened, some didn't, but I did happen to meet some Christians doing the same thing. And some street preachers who were standing on the corners reaching out to the masses. But overall it was mostly a disappointment. I ended up converting one of my good friends from high school and we hung out together but I never did really find a decent church to attend. This was Oregon, and churches there are very liberal. Eventually I met my wonderful wife and we got married and moved California then eventually to the Midwest.

[StackerKen]

Great posts Fifty and Greenbear!

Like I said, Mine is kinda embarrassing for me and I'm not proud of it....
But this what happened.

I can't remember my parents ever telling me about God.
In the late 60's my sisters where part of the "Jesus Movement" that was kinda big in So Cal at the time.
When I was 11 years old, My sisters took me to church for my first time.
I remember learning about Jesus in Vacation bible school.I remember they told me that Jesus wanted to be my friend. I liked that.
I don't think I had any trouble believing it all was true.
Noah's ark, Moses parting the Red sea. Adam and eve in the garden.
It was all easy for me to believe when I was eleven.

I wasn't a good kid. I wanted to be good. But for some reason I just couldn't be. I was hyperactive and just couldn't keep my mouth shut in class. I'm sure I was more of a handful than I even realize now.
But I remember being sorry a lot. Like I said, I wanted to be good. But I was always getting in trouble.

In bible classes they taught me that God loved me no matter what and that he forgives us for the stuff we do wrong. Thats was a welcome message to me.
I remember my sisters took me to a revival tent service that Calvary Chapel was having in Huntington Beach, Ca. The tent was massive and there where tons of people. Lots of hippies praising Jesus.

When they had the altar call and I went down with dozens of other people.
I gave my live to Christ. I remember that clearly. I really meant it. and I Meant it so much and was so gratefull,I remember I cried.

My memories of what happen after that are not real clear.
I guess maybe my sisters got tied of taking me to church. Because I don't remember attending much after that.

In My teens I was a pot smoking surfer with lots of girlfriends.
I hadn't forgotten about God. And I think he was calling me and convicting me. But I pretty much told him to wait. I wanted to party.

The drugs got harder and I was hooked pretty bad on cocaine in my twenty's. For years I hated it but still did it. I would pray to God to help me stop. But I keep on doing it. Finally , when I was about 30, I Had had enough. I checked my self into a rehab and then went to Cocaine anonymous and AA for a while.

God had delivered me!

I was free of drugs and alchol and prasing God for it. And I started reading the bible. I continued to go to C.A. and A.A. for about a year.
I remember one of their sayings was "Keep coming back". I told myself Jesus has healed me and I don't need this "group" anymore. So I quit going.

Well I started drinking beer and smoking pot ocasonally and then everyday. then I started doing meth. Before long I was doing Meth everyday too. I hated my self. I was a total asshole. No girlfriends anymore...Just Drugs. I had a good job and was good at it. But I was just living to party.

I hated it. I want to quit and started Praying to God and asking for his help once again.

Finally one day, He answered. I got arested for possesion and DUI.

I spent a few months in jail. I read the bible a lot while there. I Prayed for Jesus to come back into my life and asked him to forgive me (again) I cried a lot.

When I was released from jail(ten years ago) I felt like a new man.
I was so grateful to God for saving me from my foolish ways.
I felt his love and wanted to be Obedant to him.

I met a Good and loving woman and she has helped me keep on the straight and narrow path.

I am still a work in progress though, I am still far from the person I want to be.

But I am faithful and Pray confidently that as long as I continue to walk with him, God will finish the work he has started in me.

[greenbear]

Great testimony, Ken. I think we're the same age and had a lot of similar experiences (I never surfed or went to jail though). TPTB really started messing with kids lives when we were in junior high and HS. I know it is so much worse for kids today. I remember the Jesus movement, as well.

Edit: Sorry RJB, I forgot about your request to avoid comments. Well, I actually didn't forget, I just really wanted to.

[Horn]

I am much like a male Joan of Arc, luckily I've managed to avoid capture thus far.

[RJB]

Edit: Sorry RJB, I forgot about your request to avoid comments. Well, I actually didn't forget, I just really wanted to.
The compliment was nice. I more of meant to avoid picking apart someone's experience since these are personal :)

[greenbear]

Another Applaud for you RJB. :) I miss the Thanks button! Thanks for your testimony, as well.

[StackerKen]

I just read Grad's post again.

Thanks for posting it Grad!

[StackerKen]

Geenbear;
Thanks for your post about my post.

I have mixed feelings on having posted my story, I think that some reading it will think that I use God as a Crutch. To them I say, He is more than that. He is whole Hospital for me.

I have tried to "do it my way" It doesn't work.

I am like a sheep that wanders. I need a Shepherd
Some times a shepherd has a sheep that wanders he will break a the sheep's leg, and then hand feed and carry it till the bone is mended.

I am a leaky vessel.
I need to be re-filled with God's Holy Sprint daily.

I can totally relate to Paul in Romans 7

24Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?

25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

[dysgenic]

There was a guy I knew when I was in my early 20's. Dude was years ahead of his time. Knew about the the sketchy nature of the UN. Understood the nature of money. He could read between the lines and was extremely bright and perceptive. Unfortunately for me, he was also spiritually sick.
He got me into a new age book that purported to be an alternative bible and the true story of creation, called The Urantia Book. The book blew my mind and I thought I had found the key to the city. Meanwhile, my spiritual life slowly decayed and I got myself involved in some untoward things. Over time, I got further and further away from God. However, because I thought I had the key to the city in that book I always just assumed I would eventually turn it around.

After I got into my mid 30s I started to become concerned about my relationship with Jesus. I couldn't ignore that I was ignoring Him anymore. I made a decision to get right with God. After I made that decision, I started to say to myself "I love God, I love Jesus" several times a day and I immediately noticed an improvement in my spiritual capacity. I started to have doubts that the Urantia Book is the real deal. I started to pray more.

At about that time, I experienced my first demonic attack. It was the first of many and it scared the ever living shit out of me. I noticed that anytime I started to get close to the truth, I would experience another attack. Also, anytime I did something that I shouldn't be doing, I would not experience attacks. It became apparent that these things were openly doing battle with me so that I would turn away from God.

One night I learned the truth about that terrible book. It is demonically inspired and was written by Satanists. That's the night that I became a Christian. That's my story.

addendum: Barack O'Bama is a big fan of that book.

[crazychicken]

I have read and re-read this thread four times.

I am mesmerized.

Thank you all!

CC

[StackerKen]

CC ; I like reading these too. :)

Dys brother. Thanks for posting.
You Know that Satan was not happy when you turned to God.
But we are. :)

Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

In John 16:33, our Lord said, “In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

[singular_me]

in a few lines:
I always liked to stretch my mind, moving one discovery to another... and found myself reaching the ocean after navigating many rivers. Never take anything for granted, is my motto. Keeping a small area of doubt is essential to move ahead.

Reading J. Krishnamurti, 15 years ago, was a major turning point... and made me understand that every human conflict comes from inner duality, hence why non-interventionism applies just to everything. This realization came along with a sense of helplessness since I viewed myself as altruistic while trying to find self-appreciation helping others. too often I eneded up buying people's feelings because they were taking advantage of me.

As I was getting more and more familiar with Krishnamurti's philosophy, a major love life failure occured, my catholic education began to tear me apart as the notion of "self sacrifice" and "guilt" (one is never good enough) are two important tenets of the christian teachings. This led me back to square one and prompted me to readjust my thoughts The bible was no longer valid for me. self sacrifice is not needed when one loves one self first.

Since then anything that can help achieve the exploration of the self, is what I value the most... the only path I can imagine.

[illumin19]

Well, I'll give it a whirl here........

Hmm, where to begin? Well, I was raised Catholic, going to their services though failed to make confession since being alone with another guy alone in a dark small space telling him about myself scared the crap out of me when I was a little kid :'(

That was before I used to give "my self" or life and such any real thought.
Then after being hit with turmoil of break up with a first love, father not being around and such, my brother used to kick the crap out of me, friends stopped doing music together........I was backed into a corner. What the heck am I doing here if my life is this miserable?

Suicide was close when that knife nearly punctured my veins. The only thing I recall saving me from that was knowing my Grandma (God bless her heart) would be devasted if I were to end that way.

After some time passed I started talking to my father and he brought me into prayer and calling on God for help. He is a Christian man (may God bless him), he started take me to church got me my own bible with my name that I still read from. Things started to get alot better, my soul got uplifted and such.

But after awhile, I still kept having questions (I still do and will continue till I part here) and trying to understand the scripture better. I prayed and prayed I wanted to learn Aramaic, and Greek to read older manuscripts and such.

Then one day I cam uon Islam from I think I was in college taking a religions/philosophy course and I had to read a book and it drew paralells between all 3 monotheistec religions. It spoke on the commonalities as opposed to the differences.

Well after getting a secular introduction and such I decided to take a look deeper and at this time I called myself a Christian. So I was looking to tear these lies up. After investigating for a while I was literally stuck not knowing what to think since there was too many "coincidences" with prophecy and all.

I didn't go out or drink a beer for 2 years......I was about 21-22 yrs old then too when everything is happening in your life. Well, after that I was torn in the middle and in way didn't know what to believe but neverthe less I never doubted in God. It was only in "sciptures" and interpreting them.
Well, time passed about 4 years or so and I stopped reading scriptures, praying attending church and such. Got into drinking alot partying etc.. Then one night a sister was talking to me about God rather zealously...I mean sweating, saying "by the power of God" everyother sentence, seemingly had a learned persons grasp on scripture and telling me I haven't been praying :o.

It had me frozen in my seat and I couldn't move I was shaking and tried to keep my poise because this was my 19 year old sister who one day did a 180 from getting in trouble to smoking pot alot to one day give it all up and come and talk to me about God and the Bible neverthe less. It seemed like she grasped alot of things well in a manner of weeks in what took me a couple years.

Since that night I stared praying again and knew that was a sign that I couldn't dispel. I used to always pray no matter what I do in this life to not let me forsake God and God not forsake me. It seemed like I was definetely being called back.
Well that's when I starting seeing the posts on Islam on Gim and it immediately struck a cord and it didn't seem so "alien" to me since years back in my early 20's I got a good introduction and it seemed to ring a bell that I didn't want to answer in a way becaues it was the way of my father........but the 2nd time was different.

Mashallah

[301ouncer]

MashAllah illu, that is beautifull. I am glad to be part of strengthining your spirt. Allah swt loves the pure hearted. Stories of muslim revert always fascinated me even though the media hatered and hatered of individuals the light of Islam will always shines through.

No matter what they do they will never be able to tarnish the true teachings of the messengers pbut.

(25) allah is the light of the heavens and the earth. The parable of His light is as (if there were) a niche and within it a lamp: the lamp is in a glass, the glass as it were a brilliant star, lit from a blessed tree, an olive, neither of the east (i.e. neither it gets sun-rays only in the morning) nor of the west (i.e. nor it gets sun-rays only in the afternoon, but it is exposed to the sun all day long), whose oil would almost glow forth (of itself), though no fire touched it. light upon light! allah guides to His light whom He wills. And allah sets forth parables for mankind, and allah is All-Knower of everything.
( سورة النور , An-Noor, Chapter #24, Verse #35)

[StreetsOfGold]

Thanks for the testimonys, Time permitting I'll post mine later.

[DMac]

bump...interesting read