How would you handle this? (my kid got in a fight)

[sunshine05]

So I just got a call from the principal. My 8 year old boy was close to getting suspended today. Apparently he was playing soccer at recess and a kid purposely threw a ball at him and he ran after him and I guess he started hitting him. The teacher took both boys to the office. The principal told me he could have been suspended but since it's Friday afternoon he was going to let it go. He said my son should have told a teacher. Well, I don't know that I want him telling on someone. I have no idea how to handle this. Should he have just left the game? Just let it go? I want him to stand up for himself but don't want him beating someone up at school. What is the right thing to do in this situation?

Also adding that sometimes I catch him bullying my younger son while they're playing outside. He's not a big kid either. He only weighs 65 pounds. My younger one is almost the same size but 4 years younger. But I tell him to never push his little brother around. I know kids will be kids but I don't want him to be mean.

[chad]

let it go. some kid was messing with him and he announced his desire to be left alone. too few people stand up for themselves anymore, i find it admirable.

[Phil_Schnieder]

I say speak to all parties with reason and intellect. Teaching your children by using reason is the surest way to go.

[JJ.G0ldD0t]

Ditto what Chad said. No harm done this time... If a pattern develops, then address that.

My 7 yr old is a runt. He's a really sweet kid- almost too sweet. When he started getting picked on, we had a discussion regarding when it was appropriate to kick some ass. He doesn't get picked on as much. He understands that there will still be consequences- but he's become a bit more adept at benefit/risk anaylisis ;D

[saint]

When I was a lad a neighborhood bully took my new baseball glove away from me.
I ran home crying.

My Gran listened to my tale of woe and gave me the following advice.
" A man stands up and a bully, no matter how big, has a crotch".

Then she sent me to retrieve what was mine - "Don't Come back without it".

I came home with my glove and a black eye.
She made me meatloaf.

I miss Gran everyday - god rest her sweet soul.

ST

[Ponce]

As a child I was very very small so that this particular kid who was about three times my size used to pick on me all the time and because the other kids were afraid of him would say nothing..........well, one day he really pissed me off so that I pull one of my pencils and put it through his hand.

I was taken before the principal and one of the teachers found out what happened and went in with me.......the kids parents also came in, the kids father hit his son across the head and told him "Shame on you for Picking on some one so small"

He never bother me again and when he was ready to pick on someone else all that they did was to show him a pencil and that was it.....he became very tame.

Now days? I would be in jail for at least three years...

[sunshine05]

When I was a lad a neighborhood bully took my new baseball glove away from me.
I ran home crying.

My Gran listened to my tale of woe and gave me the following advice.
" A man stands up and a bully, no matter how big, has a crotch".

Then she sent me to retrieve what was mine - "Don't Come back without it".

I came home with my glove and a black eye.
She made me meatloaf.

I miss Gran everyday - god rest her sweet soul.

ST



Great story! What an amazing memory to have of her:).

[sunshine05]

As a child I was very very small so that this particular kid who was about three times my size used to pick on me all the time and because the other kids were afraid of him would say nothing..........well, one day he really pissed me off so that I pull one of my pencils and put it through his hand.

I was taken before the principal and one of the teachers found out what happened and went in with me.......the kids parents also came in, the kids father hit his son across the head and told him "Shame on you for Picking on some one so small"

He never bother me again and when he was ready to pick on someone else all that they did was to show him a pencil and that was it.....he became very tame.

Now days? I would be in jail for at least three years...


LOL about the pencil. Yes, you would get kicked out of school for good for that now! And the father would have been in jail for hitting his kid.

[MNeagle]

I would tell him when he's in school, he has to follow school rules. But outside of school...

[Ash_Williams]

Was he defending himself or overreacting or bullying?

I was pretty small coming into high school. Circumstances led to a larger kid always bothering me, until one day I ended up slicing deep into the palm of his hand with a steel ruler. Once in a while you gotta take a stand, especially when the audience is there, waiting to see if you'll sissy out so the rest of them can start picking on you.

But then I didn't go around randomly 'defending' myself by slicing other people.
It's pretty obvious where the balance is if you get the whole story from your kid and anyone else watching.

If he's small then don't let him grow up with the short-guy complex.

[sunshine05]

Yeah, he will be home soon so I can get his version of it. I just don't want to do the wrong thing and have this continue to happen. Thanks for all the posts guys. Parenting is tough sometimes.

[ximmy]

Chasing someone who attacks you (well, ok) who has already decided to run away (perhaps ok) Catching him (might be ok) and then clobbering him (umm, might not be the best decision) ... He may have gone a little too far. I'd tell him (your son) this and let him think about it.

Every situation is different.. perhaps after catching him your son could have let him go.. the other kid knowing he has been outmatched... or perhaps the other kid was still being a little biyatch... and needed to be slapped around...

From your description, though, I'd say your son is a little too quick to anger.

[Neuro]

Ask him why he did it! What had the other boy done to deserve this? Was his action reasonable in regards to what the other boy had done previously? If he just stood up to a bully, I wouldn't think to much of it... If he just beat him up for a small momentary reason then you need to punish him for it. take away one of the things he likes, maybe his computer/games for a week or 2...

[BillBoard]

I had the same problem when my 11 year old was 8, there were some kids picking on him because he has a speech problem. One day he came home crying and a letter from the School letting me know he was suspended for 3 days.

I sat down with my son and asked him to explain what happened, poor kid, took over 30 mins to get the story out but finally he told me that he was being picked on by 3 other kids. My son said that while playing basketball one of the other kids threw the ball at his face on purpose to hurt him, my son reacted my punching the kid in the face and giving the other kid a bloody nose.

I took the next day off from work and went to speak to the Principal of the school and asked for the details of what had happened. The Principal said to me that my son was a trouble maker and tended to lie and exaggerate. I sat there in silence while he told me what he had to say, then I asked him if he has anything in writing about the incident, he told me that yes, there was a report but I could not have a copy of the report since it was about "children" matters. I then told him that I found it odd that my kid would "lie and exaggerate" when my kid hardly speaks a word, however, I would ask my child to tell me his side of the story. I knew the Principal was hiding something, my instinct was telling me something was up and knowing my kid I knew the Principal had to be lying himself.

The next day took the day off and I told my wife I was going to take our son to the Zoo. Went to the Zoo with the kid and asked him to try to tell me all about his problems in school. He said that he only had one friend and that the other kids didn't like him because he didn't know how to speak well. He said that they made fun of him all the time but had never hurt him until the incident with the basketball. Well, we had a fun day and I taught him to say that if he got in any trouble in school that he didn't have anything to say and to ask for mom or dad. Also, if someone tried to hit him, he was free to defend himself.

The next week I was called to the School, it seemed that the kid that got the bloody nose from my son had tried to get revenge and my son had clocked him out cold. When my son was asked what happened he said that he didn't have anything to say and wanted to have me come to the school. The Principal called me and said that he would have to suspend my son for 10 days, I told him to do what he had to do and I would do what I had to do. I also asked the Principal to give me written statement and examples of things my son had lied and exaggerated about, which he never gave me.

Long story short, no one picks on my son anymore, they know he will defend himself and I will support him. Given his speech problem he seems to be pretty popular and plays in the basketball team.

My advice? Stick by your kid and know him well, don't let the other kids take advantage of him just to come home and get more sh*t.

[mick silver]

let it go. some kid was messing with him and he announced his desire to be left alone. too few people stand up for themselves anymore, i find it admirable.
i am with clad on this . it time to learn what the world like . but talk to him and let him know what can happen . there a two way street here

[Ares]

Same thing my father told me, don't you ever start a fight, but if someone else starts one, make damn sure you finish it.

I was suspended many times for fighting throughout middle school and high school, but I never started a single fight.

My freshman year a senior was walking down the freshman hallway. I had just taken my books and stuff out of my locker and was closing it when the senior knocked my books out of my hands. Started lightly kicking me while I was picking up my books and was laughing the entire time, I punched him in the nuts, and hit him in the face as he was crouching down. I told him he picked the wrong person to f*** with.

He never talked to me, or would even look at me after that. No one messed with me after that either. Only got in a couple fights after that, mostly from new kids thinking I was some scrawny kid who wouldn't put up much of a fight. I may of been scrawny but I didn't take crap from anyone.

[striped_bear]

Enroll your son in a martial arts class with a good teacher.

Not only will your son have an outlet for his energy, he will also learn that physical power is something that must be used honorably with great respect to others. He will learn discipline, and how to use his body to protect himself and others.

[saint]

My advice? Stick by your kid and know him well, don't let the other kids take advantage of him just to come home and get more sh*t.






My Gran would've liked you.

Cheers,

ST

[FiftySense]

My opinion is that if your child is backed in a corner, all options are open with regard to physical confrontation and self defense. At least that's what I teach my boys. However, in this case it sounds like your son was not backed in a corner and was free enough to chase the other child down and exact retaliation before even notifying a teacher. Those types of habits will cause problems down the line so my suggestion would be to nip that in the bud before it becomes an issue.

[JDRock]

...I dont really have an answer here...my firstborn was bullied alot, but when his brother came along a few years later he's the toughest meanest sob in the school....he doesnt bully ANYONE....but everyone is afraid of him.

he's a protector of those smaller than him....

[gunDriller]

let it go. some kid was messing with him and he announced his desire to be left alone. too few people stand up for themselves anymore, i find it admirable.


i was thinking of suggesting, martial arts lessons.

as long as he is straightened out about bullying behavior, maybe he would be good at it.

[sunshine05]

Well, after a lengthy discussion it seems to me that it was his fault. And this was supposed to be one of his best friends. The kid was being a jerk it sounds like but mine had no right to pull his shirt and hit him in the arm. There is more to the story but I don't want to bore you with it. But, not a great way to start the weekend. I am not happy about this.

[Book]

Also adding that sometimes I catch him bullying my younger son while they're playing outside. He's not a big kid either. He only weighs 65 pounds. My younger one is almost the same size but 4 years younger. But I tell him to never push his little brother around. I know kids will be kids but I don't want him to be mean.


The Father needs to help his boy learn the ropes of being male. It is a tough lesson in 2010. Good luck!

:)

[sunshine05]

The Father needs to help his boy learn the ropes of being male. It is a tough lesson in 2010. Good luck!

:)


Yes, I agree. Unfortunately he is out of the country for the next week so I am having to handle this for now:).

[Little Ant]

I have two boys in high school who are 16 and 18. Raising them without a male role model in the home I had to wing these things. I despised the school rules which have zero tolerance for fighting. The defy common sense to me. Around here it doesn't matter if three ganged up on and beat the snot out of him if he raises one pinky to defend himself its suspensions all around. I never wanted my boys to be bullies but neither did I want them to be sissies. I told them despite the rules it was ok to defend yourself if you needed to and never to take a beating- that I would stand by them even if they were suspended as long as they were in the right.

My boys are pretty active in sports including wrestling. They have no penchant for starting fights though each one is very capable of finishing one if the situation calls for it.

I do think that today's society has lost sight of the fact that young males are full of testosterone and some amount of fighting and posturing is a part of life. A man must still know how to fight and defend himself and his familly despite what the liberals think. In an effort to be uber PC society has effectively drummed that part out of males. Case in point, I was reading about a military general whose biggest complaint about today's recruits was that they had lost their natural born aggression. He complained of the high numbers of 18 and 19 year olds who had never once been in a fist fight and had to be "trained" how to retrieve their male aggression.

[sunshine05]

I have two boys in high school who are 16 and 18. Raising them without a male role model in the home I had to wing these things. I despised the school rules which have zero tolerance for fighting. The defy common sense to me. Around here it doesn't matter if three ganged up on and beat the snot out of him if he raises one pinky to defend himself its suspensions all around. I never wanted my boys to be bullies but neither did I want them to be sissies. I told them despite the rules it was ok to defend yourself if you needed to and never to take a beating- that I would stand by them even if they were suspended as long as they were in the right.

My boys are pretty active in sports including wrestling. They have no penchant for starting fights though each one is very capable of finishing one if the situation calls for it.

I do think that today's society has lost sight of the fact that young males are full of testosterone and some amount of fighting and posturing is a part of life. A man must still know how to fight and defend himself and his familly despite what the liberals think. In an effort to be uber PC society has effectively drummed that part out of males. Case in point, I was reading about a military general whose biggest complaint about today's recruits was that they had lost their natural born aggression. He complained of the high numbers of 18 and 19 year olds who had never once been in a fist fight and had to be "trained" how to retrieve their male aggression.








Excellent post. Thank you.

[Book]

Excellent post. Thank you.


That really is a sagacious post by Little Ant.

:)

[drafter]

I vote for let it go. At least he will probably never get hassled by that kid again. The reality is "force" earns respect in most cases. My father always said "never start something, but if someone else starts it, be sure and finish it". That's the only thing that will prevent being a target in the future. Bullys are like criminals. They prey on the week.

[Saul Mine]

Let him know you're on his side even when he does something stupid. And making a fuss at school is sorta stupid.

[Black Blade]

Times have really changed. When I was in high school many moons ago, the principal or teacher would take us both to the school coach and he would give us boxing gloves and have us go at it. Winner had bragging rights. End of story.

[sunshine05]

I was so proud of him today. He scored two goals and his team won their first game of the season 4-1. He played very well:). It was so much fun to watch and I think he really has potential.

[Awoke]

I have two girls that are 9 and 7. My 9 year old got into a shoving match at school and had to stay in for recess. They didn't call home, but they told her to inform us, and warned her that they would follow up on it to make sure we were aware.

I asked her about the situation, how it all transpired. I calmly spoke to her about alternative approaches that could have stopped the situation from escalating, but in the end I told her that she is not in trouble with us, and that I supported her reaction to defend herself.

In this case, she was actually stopping a bully from picking on a younger child.

I explained that the school has certain rules, but in a situation where she feels she is in danger, she should do whatever she has to in order to defend herself. I also ensured her that if she gets in another altercation like that, and she can not peacefully diffuse the situation, I will always support her as long as she is acting with good/peacable intentions.

Then I congratulated her for having the courage to stand up to a bully and for defending the smaller child.

[sunshine05]

Good story, Awoke. I like the way you handled that.