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Libertarian_Guard
10th July 2010, 06:19 AM
THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY

by Ambrose Bierce

ABORIGINIES, n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a
newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

ABSCOND, v.i. To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the property of another.

ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with
one's own opinion.

ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty
knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal,
knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the
matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one
having offered them a fee for assenting.

ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a
justification of ourselves for having wronged him.


ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects
to get.

AFRICAN, n. A nigger that votes our way.


ALTAR, n. The place whereupon the priest formerly raveled out the
small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination
and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used,
except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a
male and a female tool.

AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would
be too expensive to punish.

APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.

APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.


APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a
blacksmith.


ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which
one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.

http://www.gutenberg.org/catalog/world/readfile?fk_files=851486&pageno=1

Libertarian_Guard
11th July 2010, 12:23 AM
BACCHUS, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse
for getting drunk.

BAIT, n. A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The
best kind is beauty.

BAROMETER, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of
weather we are having.


BEAUTY, n. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a
husband.


BEG, v. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the
belief that it will not be given.


BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

BENEDICTINES, n. An order of monks otherwise known as black friars.

She thought it a crow, but it turn out to be
A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text.
"Here's one of an order of cooks," said she--
"Black friars in this world, fried black in the next."

BIGOT, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion
that you do not entertain.
BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the
young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied
the undertaker.
BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.


BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two
nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary
rights of the other.

http://www.gutenberg.org/catalog/world/readfile?fk_files=851486&pageno=18

Saul Mine
11th July 2010, 11:25 AM
How silly. The devil does not use definitions. He uses confusion.

Libertarian_Guard
11th July 2010, 07:30 PM
How silly. The devil does not use definitions. He uses confusion.


Saul

Your conclusion could well be true. But more to the point, I think the satire or philosophy of the definitions would be more indicative of how the 'devil' knows about how 'we' interpret such words. In any case, for being over 100 years old, I found it interesting.


CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder
that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities
are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to
others.