What to do about leech neighbors?

[Grand Master Melon]

So about this time last year our old neighbors moved out and new people moved in. We were pleasantly surprised to find that their daughter had been in kindergarten with our daughter. We thought it would be nice to have a kid her age to play with right next door.

Immediately upon moving in they asked us for a favor: "let us use your electric for a day or two to keep the fridge running because the power company won't be out for a couple of days to turn us on." I thought it odd that they would move in before the electric was on but no big deal. A couple of months go by and then it's: "can you watch my kid this morning? I have to be to work early today." I figured ok, no big deal I can help out a neighbor. Then it became both kids, then it became every couple of days. Then the husband loses his job. Now it's "can I borrow the phone to call the unemployment office?"

Summer goes by with our kid now having little interaction with the neighbor girls due to their apparent poor hygiene resulting in ringworm and other creepy looking things as well as the fact that I didn't want their lack of knowledge (stupidity) rubbing off on my kid. We also won't let her go over, other than to the backyard, anymore because my daughter came home one day and asked us about something in one of the rooms that we concluded was a bong.

Well so far this school year it's been "can you take my kids to school?" or "can you pick my kids up?" because the guy is still out of work and their vehicle was reposessed for nonpayment. Finally today it's "hey, they might come and turn off my power today, would you mind if I ran an extension over to run my fridge until we get it back on?"

I'm at my ropes end. I've been accomodating because I don't think their children, regardless of my distaste for them, should have to suffer at the hands of their inept parents. Knowing it had been roughly a year since they moved in I asked my landlord if they would be moving anytime soon and she told me "no." She went to explain to me how they've had tough times and how the economy is bad and how it is good to have compassion (she's an old Polish Catholic).

Compassion is nice but how am I to have compassion for people who could obviously care less about their children? Hell, one day I was driving the kids to school and had to make a pitstop as they told me they had not eaten any breakfast.

The guy is an unskilled laborer and the mom is an MA so either should be able to get some sort of BS job no problem, it's not like they should have high standards. These people are the type of people that we were talking about in Chads thread yesterday as I know they've been on all the utility assist programs (apparently they cut you off at some point). The guy can sit around and toke up but he can't go out and get a fucking job? People like this asshat are why the US is going down.

I can't believe my landlord rented to them, one quick records search shows they've been sued before for nonpayment of rent.

So, aside from moving what the hell do I do? Do I up and just cut them off and let their kids suffer all the while having to ride out an awkward existence next to my bum neighbors until one of us moves?

Oh yeah..... /end rant

[Ponce]

First thing that I did when I moved here is to let the few neighbors in this area know that I wanted no visitors ...........it works wonder.

[Book]

Keep the status quo going and at some point you will soon post a thread here complaining that your PREPS are almost gone before Hard Times actually arrives.

In your thread title you called them "leech neighbors" so you already know what now must be done.

:)

[mamboni]

There is a word you must learn: NO! Repeat it over and over until it sinks in: No! No to using your electricity. No to watching the kiddies. No to borrowing your toenail clippers. No No No. They are in the position they are in through no fault of yours. You are not responsible for their kids. If you think they have it bad, go visit subsaharan Africa! You'll find plenty that worse off and more deserving.

Personally, charity begins at home. Charity for extended family is at MY discretion, as is charity for neighbors and friends. Folk like your neighbors are moochers who know how to pray on the trusting generous souls of society. They are the ones that urinate in the public fountain and complain about the water, that is 'free.' Some people are takers and they will never change. Do not feed them and embolden them. Let them know that their mooching ways are not acceptable to you.

No No NO NO NO!!!!!!!

[sirgonzo420]

LOL... that's funny... I once had a new neighbor "borrow" my electricity to run their refrigerator too.

[Grand Master Melon]

First thing that I did when I moved here is to let the few neighbors in this area know that I wanted no visitors ...........it works wonder.


Normally that's how I am but with the kids being of same age and playing together there was some sort of something there that kept me from that.

I'm always telling people good fences make good neighbors, I guess I should have taken my own advice.

[ximmy]

You have a right to tell them that your daughter caught ring worm from them... etc... especially if you are helping them out...

The other thing besides saying "no," is the hard part, (which you are doing)... consider to continue to help them as you are able, it's a non-rewarding effort to offer help to those who don't deserve it...

Never, ever help them when it affects the safety of your own family... They need to know this and you HAVE to tell them this is your motto...

[Ash_Williams]

Ask if you can borrow his wife for a few nights.

[Grand Master Melon]

Ask if you can borrow his wife for a few nights.
That's funny, me and my wife were just talking about that wondering how long it would be until he came over and asked to borrow one of us. LOL ;D

[Grand Master Melon]

You have a right to tell them that your daughter caught ring worm from them... etc... especially if you are helping them out...

The other thing besides saying "no," is the hard part, (which you are doing)... consider to continue to help them as you are able, it's a non-rewarding effort to offer help to those who don't deserve it...

Never, ever help them when it affects the safety of your own family... They need to know this and you HAVE to tell them this is your motto...


Luckilly that didn't happen. That was some nasty looking stuff though.

[k-os]

This is tough. There comes a time in a relationship like this where you are not helping, you are just enabling. You are obviously at the point where you don't believe they are even trying anymore, so I think you are there.

You have to say no, and if you are really courageous, you'll tell them why.

Good luck.

[zap]

As stated above, Just say NO......

I had a guy we knew ask me to borrow one of my generators,
(I couldn't believe it, I said are you serious) Then I said "No I don't lend my stuff" and "I don't lend any money either." I don't ask anyone for anything and I don't expect anyone to ask me.

[Heimdhal]

weve got neighbors just like that, but even worse. Ive mentioned em before. Single mother of 5, living on literaly every type of public assistance you can imagine from welfare, to section 8 (paying 100% of a 1400$/mo rent) to food stamps.


Thankfully they are getting the boot at the end of this month. Well be free again!

[k-os]

As stated above, Just say NO......

I had a guy we knew ask me to borrow one of my generators,
(I couldn't believe it, I said are you serious) Then I said "No I don't lend my stuff" and "I don't lend any money either." I don't ask anyone for anything and I don't expect anyone to ask me.


I guess the reason why I am the way I am is because I have had to ask for help from my neighbors, and I am so lucky that they helped me.

[still afloat]

Knowing it had been roughly a year since they moved in I asked my landlord if they would be moving anytime soon and she told me "no." She went to explain to me how they've had tough times and how the economy is bad and how it is good to have compassion (she's an old Polish Catholic).




Sounds to me like the landlord should be giving them free rent and include utilities , its a good time for her to have compassion. Right?
Then they could afford to clean up a bit and buy food.
Problem solved.

[Heimdhal]

Helping a neighbor is fine. Ive had to ask my neighbor to watch my daughter before (no easy task with my daughter as she has speech and langauge problems) and she happily did so. I've watched damn near every kid in my neighborhood at one point or another (I was a stay at home dad)

Its fine to help, and its fine to ask for help if you need it, but both parties must understand there is a line and dont cross or abuse that line.

[ximmy]

a little more rant...

Straight out saying "no" is not always a good choice... they are your neighbors, you have to live next to them... (for a while) Remember your direct neighbors are your buffer to outsiders.. don't make enemies of them... Consider worse scenarios... We had neighbors who played music all night and didn't give a damn about what we thought... for some reason, the police never made them stop...(they probably had some connection).

I never lend anyone money, or anything, that I am not willing to give up, or give away... many people have the idea that if someone asks to borrow something they will receive it back... you will not receive it back!!!...

I hear them say... "I lent her $2000.00 dollars" I reply, "NO, you did not lend her $2000.00 you GAVE her $2000.00"

So you have to consider what you will give them... some electricity, or some clothes, food, or "let me borrow your car"... learn where to draw the line...
ximy

[zap]

Smart Ximmy , I agree with you.......

But since I don't have neighbors to hell with him, he can't use and break my stuff, He has never done a damn thing for me or mine, can't believe he had even asked, go buy your own loser. :D

[willie pete]

Leeches huh? ....someone told me one time the best way to get rid of leeches was to burn 'em off with a cigarette... :D

In reality though, I'd just tell in a very nice way I can't finance you anymore

[Spectrism]

Un-leech them by education.


Think of things you want done.... got a car that needs cleaning? Got windows to clean? Got a sidewalk to sweep? - be creative.

When they ask for something and it is clear that they do not reciprocate, state this:

"I see. Well, I sure do not want to offend you folks with any unnecessary charity. How about this? I need my car washed, some wood stacked and sticks collected. That would cover you for a day's use of electricity. I would be willing to let you do these things in exchange for my electrical costs."

BTW- if you don't have work, hunt around for someone who would like some minimum wage labor in your neighborhood and you can arrange this. Trust me, they will stop leeching real quick.

[Liquid]

I'm always helping out my neighbors, however this situation is different. The OP is creating a dependency issue....it's fine to help someone as long as they don't end up depending upon that help.

If your neighbors can't function without you, you've really dug a deep hole for yourself.

What I would do, is help them occassionally, but say no sometimes as well. "Can you watch my kids?" "No, I can't today..."

That forces them to function without your help.

You can help them, just decide what and when to do it. That's the important thing.

[Twisted Titan]

Un-leech them by education.


Think of things you want done.... got a car that needs cleaning? Got windows to clean? Got a sidewalk to sweep? - be creative.

When they ask for something and it is clear that they do not reciprocate, state this:

"I see. Well, I sure do not want to offend you folks with any unnecessary charity. How about this? I need my car washed, some wood stacked and sticks collected. That would cover you for a day's use of electricity. I would be willing to let you do these things in The exchange for my electrical costs."

BTW- if you don't have work, hunt around for someone who would like some minimum wage labor in your neighborhood and you can arrange this. Trust me, they will stop leeching real quick.



Then all of a sudden they have this quizical look on there face at the thought of having to actually exchange labor for serevices

Then the problem gets solved

[Bildo]

I'm on the other side of the majority here, being the borrower. A couple years ago I bought my future homestead, a fixer-upper two states away in the middle of nowhere. Being our second home, we didn't have a lot of tools and such to start. Plus, as our primary home is in a large city with a yard the size of a postage stamp, we didn't even have many outside tools to bring.

Right after I closed on the home, I sold him 1/4 acre which was the easement to his property behind me. The 30 or so minutes at the closing was the only time I ever spoke or met the neighbor, but that was all I needed to start bumming his tools from him.

When I first started asking to borrow things I would give him cash collateral equal to the tool I was borrowing. When he was putting in a dirt drive I ran out with a shovel and rake to help. He's a 25 year old kid and the wife would always have him over for dinner, or send me back there with a big plate of food.

Two years later, I've met the rest of the neighbors through him, I pay him to cut a couple acres of my grass every other week, he stores his boat in one of my barns in exchange for letting me use his garbage service. We still have him over for dinner at least one of the nights we spend there each week.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that borrowing and lending can build and strengthen neighbor relations, if it's not excessive and done properly. I've bought all my own tools by now but still borrow something now and again, usually his time to help me move/hold/lift something. With my property 150 miles away and us there only 2-3 days a week, it gives me peace of mind knowing that I have a pal looking after the place - a pal I found only by asking to use his stuff!

[osoab]

I would start asking the guy for anything and everything. Only ask for the stuff the guy really wants or cherishes.

Dude, got a spare beer?
Man, can I bum a smoke?
Hey, you got an extra gallon of gas? My mower needs some.

I know, you may need to change your visible lifestyle, but leeching off of the leech should rid you of the problem.

Better yet, have your brother-in-law or a friend crash at your place every now and then and have him do the dirty work.

[zap]

I'm on the other side of the majority here, being the borrower. A couple years ago I bought my future homestead, a fixer-upper two states away in the middle of nowhere. Being our second home, we didn't have a lot of tools and such to start. Plus, as our primary home is in a large city with a yard the size of a postage stamp, we didn't even have many outside tools to bring.

Right after I closed on the home, I sold him 1/4 acre which was the easement to his property behind me. The 30 or so minutes at the closing was the only time I ever spoke or met the neighbor, but that was all I needed to start bumming his tools from him.

When I first started asking to borrow things I would give him cash collateral equal to the tool I was borrowing. When he was putting in a dirt drive I ran out with a shovel and rake to help. He's a 25 year old kid and the wife would always have him over for dinner, or send me back there with a big plate of food.

Two years later, I've met the rest of the neighbors through him, I pay him to cut a couple acres of my grass every other week, he stores his boat in one of my barns in exchange for letting me use his garbage service. We still have him over for dinner at least one of the nights we spend there each week.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that borrowing and lending can build and strengthen neighbor relations, if it's not excessive and done properly. I've bought all my own tools by now but still borrow something now and again, usually his time to help me move/hold/lift something. With my property 150 miles away and us there only 2-3 days a week, it gives me peace of mind knowing that I have a pal looking after the place - a pal I found only by asking to use his stuff!


There is a difference between leeching and what you are doing, I wouldn't mind dealing with what you are doing , but when they offer nothing, and just keep asking for things, that is a different story.
There is a difference.

[Bildo]

There is a difference between leeching and what you are doing, I wouldn't mind dealing with what you are doing , but when they offer nothing, and just keep asking for things, that is a different story.
There is a difference.


There's definitely a difference. Just wanted to share my story and stick up for reciprocating borrowers.

[willie pete]

In response to the OP, if it were me, I wouldn't even get into a "you do something for me and I'll let you bum electricity for a day" type thing, I'd just In a very nice way cut them off....put distance between them and me, situations like that can quickly become an anchor around your neck... :D

[Spectrism]

In response to the OP, if it were me, I wouldn't even get into a "you do something for me and I'll let you bum electricity for a day" type thing, I'd just In a very nice way cut them off....put distance between them and me, situations like that can quickly become an anchor around your neck... :D


That's when you start to see the shadows of their eyes and glares of hatred as if you caused all their woes. If you have to live around them, offer no excuse to be blamed for what they do. Becoming invisible to such people means rising to a higher realm. If they come along then you turned them to be better people. If they do not come along, it was their choice and they will not blame you. Always being kind and offering to deal fairly- this will bring respect. You let them choose for themselves whether they will help themselves or do without. If you have what they want or need and flat out refuse it, this will be viewed as snobbery, spite, greed. Outsmart the dumb people and don't let them outsmart you.

[Glass]

Say no. I do. I make it plain that I'm not friendly. And don't lend. I lent someone some gear and I know they hocked it on several occasions. They put on this story about not having any money (but a $200 a week bong habit) and were going to go hungry for 3 days until the welfare money came. Then complained about the interest they were paying on hocking stuff and how it was 30% and was that wrong or what? And then they started saying that 10% was fair and if I ever lent money I would think that 10% was fair wouldn't I? If I lent money? So, you know if you lent money to me and you got 10% back on top that would be good wouldn't it?

Reply: I don't lend money sorry. Never have, never will. Now give me my gear back.

Occasionally talk to the person. Don't get asked stuff like that any more.

[osoab]

Reply: I don't lend money sorry. Never have, never will. Now give me my gear back.

Occasionally talk to the person. Don't get asked stuff like that any more.


I still have 10 frns that is in the hands of a guy @ work. Best 10 bucks I have ever spent. Been about a year. He only asked me one more time about 6 months later. I told him he still owed me 10 bucks. He hasn't asked since.

[Book]

Ask if you can borrow his wife for a few nights.



Offer to PURCHASE their kid that they can't properly feed...lol.

:D

[sirgonzo420]

Ask if you can borrow his wife for a few nights.



Offer to PURCHASE their kid that they can't properly feed...lol.

:D


Nah, don't do that; your neighbor might take you up on your purchase offer!

[General of Darkness]

Either cut them off or help them to get a job.

"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, teach the man to fish you feed him for life"

[sunshine05]

I would have no problem saying no to the electricity usage, but the kids is a tough one. Can they not ride the bus to school? And it sounds like they would qualify for breakfast at school since they are low income? It would be hard for me to see the kids going hungry. I know it is not your problem or obligation at all. It just sounds like they are very irresponsible and the kids are suffering. I guess I really don't know what I would do. The whole situation would make me very uncomfortable.

[hoarder]

Put a locked gate a couple miles from your doorstep. They'll get tired of walking up your driveway.

[willie pete]

In response to the OP, if it were me, I wouldn't even get into a "you do something for me and I'll let you bum electricity for a day" type thing, I'd just In a very nice way cut them off....put distance between them and me, situations like that can quickly become an anchor around your neck... :D


That's when you start to see the shadows of their eyes and glares of hatred as if you caused all their woes. If you have to live around them, offer no excuse to be blamed for what they do. Becoming invisible to such people means rising to a higher realm. If they come along then you turned them to be better people. If they do not come along, it was their choice and they will not blame you. Always being kind and offering to deal fairly- this will bring respect. You let them choose for themselves whether they will help themselves or do without. If you have what they want or need and flat out refuse it, this will be viewed as snobbery, spite, greed. Outsmart the dumb people and don't let them outsmart you.


I've dealt with these types before, actually they were tenants, I went more than a mile with/for them and not every case is the same, but what I learned was they will take advantage of you until you politely cut them off, I don't mean becoming invisible as you stated, but set a boundary

[gunDriller]

this sounds like a good time to start survival training.

knock on their door at 6 am in the morning and invite them to go swimming in 28 degree weather.

start some worm composting bins using food scraps and let them get a little ripe, as in MEGA smelly. put the bins on the patio and invite the neighbors over for a glass of wine.

then share your survival training diet with them. earthworms, maggots, and teriyaki sauce.

pour on the survival love and they may desert you for easier pastures.

[Spectrism]

this sounds like a good time to start survival training.

knock on their door at 6 am in the morning and invite them to go swimming in 28 degree weather.

start some worm composting bins using food scraps and let them get a little ripe, as in MEGA smelly. put the bins on the patio and invite the neighbors over for a glass of wine.

then share your survival training diet with them. earthworms, maggots, and teriyaki sauce.

pour on the survival love and they may desert you for easier pastures.


Yeah... that's one technique. I like to use the bible lessons technique. If they hate God, they will run. If they hang around, then I have plenty of lessons to help them walk straight.

[crazychicken]

Print out multiple copies of Mamboni's thread and put them up by your doors and phones. Memorize it and repeat it multiple times a day.

CC



There is a word you must learn: NO! Repeat it over and over until it sinks in: No! No to using your electricity. No to watching the kiddies. No to borrowing your toenail clippers. No No No. They are in the position they are in through no fault of yours. You are not responsible for their kids. If you think they have it bad, go visit subsaharan Africa! You'll find plenty that worse off and more deserving.

Personally, charity begins at home. Charity for extended family is at MY discretion, as is charity for neighbors and friends. Folk like your neighbors are moochers who know how to pray on the trusting generous souls of society. They are the ones that urinate in the public fountain and complain about the water, that is 'free.' Some people are takers and they will never change. Do not feed them and embolden them. Let them know that their mooching ways are not acceptable to you.

No No NO NO NO!!!!!!!

[crazychicken]

We are next to a Indian reservation. Several times a week different ones drift in to borrow equipment, sell stuff, get handouts.

The answer is always NO.

No, we don't lend anything to anyone. Maybe someone close to town has what you need. Didn't you notice my closed gate? The cattle run free inside the fence. The bull runs free with them. He is the full brother to the one that tried to kill me last March. He isn't very social. It is a long way out here. You must have burned a lot of gas to get here.

The sign on the gate is for eveyone: Whatever you want isn't here. Visitors who call first and are invited are welcome.

Our number is in the book.

CC

[crazychicken]

If they hate GOD maybe you can help them see the error of their ways.

Maybe you can get them on the path.

CC




Yeah... that's one technique. I like to use the bible lessons technique. If they hate God, they will run. If they hang around, then I have plenty of lessons to help them walk straight.

[Fortyone]

since you are a co-renter try this one, make up some rumor how the landlord is raising the rent, or selling the place. Also add in some BS about how you "dont know how your going to make it" as your own income has fallen. Leeches are repelled by other leeches,If they think your going to ask them for something, they will stay away.

[JDRock]

times are tough all over...." I'd LOVE to take your kids to school....for ,say $25.00."...
"SUUURE you can use the phone...go right ahead, times ARE tough all over , how bout $5.00"...??

use the electric? alll riiighty then!, "thatll be a deposit of...."

[Book]

since you are a co-renter try this one...



Buy your kids a drum set or buy yourself a loud stereo system or get a barking dog or...lol.

[Grand Master Melon]

since you are a co-renter try this one...



Buy your kids a drum set or buy yourself a loud stereo system or get a barking dog or...lol.


The kids and I all have our own drumsets. While they're not noisy I don't think that would do it.

[Grand Master Melon]

Thanks to all that offerred advice. Some of it absolutely hillarious and priceless.

Next Thursday which is supposedly their payday the electic will cease to exist in their house unless it's running on their tab.

Looks like my biggest problem was being a pushover with these people. I hate the fact that someone would abuse my charity. It really pisses me off. It's funny too because I've only ever asked them for one thing and that was to borrow an extension for a ratchet. They didn't have one so I went and bought my own.

[Book]

They didn't have one so I went and bought my own.



Why should they buy anything when their fool neighbor provides everything?

|--0--|

[FunnyMoney]

since you are a co-renter try this one...



Buy your kids a drum set or buy yourself a loud stereo system or get a barking dog or...lol.



Escalation, Book? I see you learn well from study of that race you love to hate so much.

[osoab]

"You worthless bastards have stressed me out so much that i'm either going to smoke all your sh*t or go Virginia Tech on your family"

Always worked for me..


:ROFL:

[osoab]

It's funny too because I've only ever asked them for one thing and that was to borrow an extension for a ratchet. They didn't have one so I went and bought my own.


Did they borrow that too?