How to Stop Absorbing Other People's Emotions

[Book]

How to Stop Absorbing Other People's Emotions (http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Absorbing-Other-People%27s-Emotions)

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Found this over at the re-located LATOC FORUM (http://www.doomertown.com/index.spark?aBID=136685&p=1)

[zusn]

Good stuff that I needed to read, I can identify with a lot of it

[Ponce]

Very simple to do..............GET RID OF THEM..........no matter who they are......no one can work, eat, sleep or sh*t for you.

[keehah]

Absorbing, emotional sponges? Would teflon toques help?

BTW just before I quit LATOC a few years ago one of the mods said I was too sensitive. 8)

This current article seems somewhat related:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201008/revenge-the-introvert

According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality test administered to two randomized national samples, introverts make up 50 percent of the U.S. population. The MBTI definition of introversion—a preference for solitude, reflection, internal exploration of ideas vs. active engagement and pursuit of rewards in the external/social world—correlates closely with the Big Five description. But the results still surprise; if every other person is an introvert, why doesn't the cultural tone reflect that?

It's not just that we overestimate the numbers of extraverts in our midst because they're more salient. The bias of individuals is reinforced in the media, which emphasize the visual, the talkative, and the sound bite— immediacy over reflection...

When psychologists Catherine Caldwell-Harris and Ayse Ayçiçegi compared U.S. and Turkish samples, they found that having "an orientation inconsistent with societal values" is a risk factor for poor mental health. The findings support what the researchers call the personality-culture clash hypothesis: "Psychological adjustment depends on the degree of match between personality and the values of surrounding society." To the extent that introverts feel the need to explain, apologize, or feel guilty about what works best for them, they feel alienated not only from society but from themselves.

Enough Stimulation Already!

Solitude, quite literally, allows introverts to hear themselves think. In a classic series of studies, researchers mapped brain electrical activity in introverts and extraverts. The introverts all had higher levels of electrical activity—indicating greater cortical arousal—whether in a resting state or engaged in challenging cognitive tasks. The researchers proposed that given their higher level of brain activity and reactivity, introverts limit input from the environment in order to maintain an optimal level of arousal. Extraverts, on the other hand, seek out external stimulation to get their brain juices flowing.

Neuroimaging studies measuring cerebral blood flow reveal that among introverts, the activation is centered in the frontal cortex, responsible for remembering, planning, decision making, and problem solving—the kinds of activities that require inward focus and attention. Introverts' brains also show increased blood flow in Broca's area, a region associated with speech production—likely reflecting the capacity for self-talk.

But extensive internal dialogue, especially in response to negative experiences, can set off a downward spiral of affect. And indeed, anxiety and depression are more common among introverts than extraverts. In general, says Robert McPeek, director of research at the Center for Applications of Psychological Type, introverts are more self-critical than others—but also more realistic in their self-assessments. Call it depressive realism.

"We found that when we prime people to value happiness more, they become more unhappy and depressed," reports Mauss. "Our findings offer an intriguing explanation for the vexing paradox that even in the face of objectively positive life circumstances, nations generally do not become happier."

The priming effect seen in the study parallels the social priming introverts experience in everyday life. Although introverts like pursuing frontal cortex functions associated with the exploration of meaning, "there are cultural pressures that could make one feel guilty for not wanting to be as happy as the culture dictates," says Tamir. As a result, introverts are hit with a double whammy—feeling less happy, then feeling guilty and inadequate for feeling that way.

With a biological makeup that enables them to see positive emotional stimuli as a distraction when they are focused on another task, introverts are good at resisting all distraction. Using functional brain imaging, Stanford biopsychologist Brian W. Haas measured the reaction time for introverts and extraverts when they tried to identify the color in which an emotionally provocative word was printed. Introverts proved more able to focus on the task of color identification while disregarding the emotional content and had significantly better reaction times. Concludes Haas: Introverts, who exhibit a higher resting state of arousal, "don't need the same kind of outside entertainment."

...Conversation between an introvert and an extravert can involve a series of misunderstandings. As the introvert struggles to follow multiple conversational threads and sort out his own thoughts, he remains quiet and appears to be just listening. The extravert reads that as engagement, a cue to keep talking. The introvert struggles with the continuing flow of input and soon starts to shut out the extravert, while nodding or smiling, or even trying to stop the exchange.

[synbi]

I've found the best way to deal with other people's negative comments or emotions is to realize that it's my own way of thinking and dealing with them that brings me discomfort and makes me feel unpleasant. It's much more rewarding not to be a slave and carry on hating someone else, when the hate can be made to disappear when one realizes himself to be the causing agent of all that negative energy.....

[JDRock]

How to Stop Absorbing Other People's Emotions (http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Absorbing-Other-People%27s-Emotions)

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Found this over at the re-located LATOC FORUM (http://www.doomertown.com/index.spark?aBID=136685&p=1)


forum wont let me view what its about unless i join :P...whats it about?

[AndreaGail]

How to Stop Absorbing Other People's Emotions (http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Absorbing-Other-People%27s-Emotions)

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Found this over at the re-located LATOC FORUM (http://www.doomertown.com/index.spark?aBID=136685&p=1)


forum wont let me view what its about unless i join :P...whats it about?


i got the same thing ???

[keehah]

forum wont let me view what its about unless i join :P...whats it about?


LATOC is no more. After months of forum problems (somewhat like we had starting at the same time) the forum owner shut down both the old and new sites (even to members). Then the owner told his members to f*ck off, get a real life of local peasantry [and ignorance] while he moves on to astrology for the local sheep in California.

I used to think GIM handled things poorly.
http://gold-silver.us/forum/general-discussion/alternatives-to-kitco-gim2-and-thejoojooforum/msg131115/#msg131115

[Cebu_4_2]

bleh, can someone paste it here for those less fortunate?


You do not have permission to view any private content in this forum.

[keehah]

Perhaps this will help you guys. 8)


How to Stop Absorbing Other People's Emotions (http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Absorbing-Other-People%27s-Emotions)


Found this over at the re-located LATOC FORUM (http://www.doomertown.com/index.spark?aBID=136685&p=1)

[Book]

I've found the best way to deal with other people's negative comments or emotions is



http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Books/Pix/pictures/2010/6/8/1275998637175/Man-on-bus-using-mobile-006.jpg

http://www.originalalamo.com/images/planes-trains-automobiles-web.jpg

Good way to unload pent-up negativity is to sit next to some poor bastard on a bus or train or plane and dump it on him during the trip. Assigned seating makes it difficult for him to flee from the moving vehicle. Start with the most-recent topics from the GSUS Religion or Conspiracy sections...then if time permits tell him all about how GIM was destroyed by Skyvike...lol.

:D

[Mouse]

What a crock of shit. This psychobabble is fit for those who believe they are neurotic, panic-disorder, agorophobic types and need some new-agey crap to justify their disorder. These people probably have no disorder, but just need to know what they like and when to leave. How maladjusted are we? If I don't like you, I will avoid you or limit my exposure. That's a natural defense. If I think better alone then leave me alone. I will probably just tell you to leave me alone.

I don't get it. I think it's glad-hands smiley happy bullshit propaganda so that we can all accept how we are all deficient or need some kind of pussy crutch new age bullshit happy thinking to make us OK.

NO.

I just read only the LATOC (wiki) article from Book's post.

I don't buy it. At some level I think we all practice defense mechanisms against situations and people that bother us, but to suggest that sitting in the wrong seat is going absorb negative brainwaves and make me have a flippin anxiety attack is the kind of bullshit that keeps therapists in business.

This article pissed me off. Maybe we can all have group therapy and study my emotional state that triggered this event.

In namby pamby land.

[keehah]

Book, Mouse does not need a bus.

Mouse, take a deep breath or two and try to relax. :D

[jaybone]

I am an introvert, I need alone time very often.
I enjoy being with people in small groups for limited time, I have no hatred for anyone, but crowds drain me so severely I need at least a day to get back to normal.
This is not an anxiety thing, I am almost always comfortable and laid back, I feel like my higher brain becomes depleted to the point where I become my ego, something I like to avoid.

Just did two weddings in two weekends, about 150 people each and loud.
I am happy as a clam for the first three hours, then I crash, turn into a jerk and just sit at the table staring at the wall.
At least I am able to recognize that I am having irrational thoughts and have learned to keep my mouth shut until I recharge the superego.

Next time I am just going to excuse myself for a hour or so to go 'run an errand' and meditate in the car.

[Book]

#8 Look for positive people and situations. Call a friend who sees the good in others. Spend time with a colleague who affirms the bright side of things. Listen to hopeful people. Hear the faith they have in themselves and others. Also relish hopeful words, songs, and art forms. Hope is contagious and it will lift your mood.

I know this is why I come to GSUS...lol.

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[Still Barbaro]

How to Stop Absorbing Other People's Emotions (http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Absorbing-Other-People%27s-Emotions)

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Found this over at the re-located LATOC FORUM (http://www.doomertown.com/index.spark?aBID=136685&p=1)


What is this.....LOTAC forum?

Small membership..

Doomertown?

What's it about?

[Book]

What is this.....LOTAC forum?



Was a huge doomer Forum but just recently they suddenly went private membership. I dunno why. TimeBomb2000 (http://www.timebomb2000.com/vb/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=9) seems to be on the ropes also.

:)

[Bullion_Bob]

I've heard that if you smash them in the face with an aluminum baseball bat, it tends to break the absorbption cycle.

Mixed results with wood. It takes a while to assess the effect as consciousness can be delayed for some time.

[k-os]

I am an introvert, I need alone time very often.
I enjoy being with people in small groups for limited time, I have no hatred for anyone, but crowds drain me so severely I need at least a day to get back to normal.
This is not an anxiety thing, I am almost always comfortable and laid back, I feel like my higher brain becomes depleted to the point where I become my ego, something I like to avoid.

Just did two weddings in two weekends, about 150 people each and loud.
I am happy as a clam for the first three hours, then I crash, turn into a jerk and just sit at the table staring at the wall.
At least I am able to recognize that I am having irrational thoughts and have learned to keep my mouth shut until I recharge the superego.

Next time I am just going to excuse myself for a hour or so to go 'run an errand' and meditate in the car.



Wow, it's like I wrote this, except with some added namby pamby. ;D

Seriously, though, that's exactly how I am. I am comfortable and even really happy in small groups, but large groups suck the life out of me, and I prefer to be alone most of the time. Most people when they meet me think that I am outgoing, or an extrovert, but it's just a temporary state. It's not an act or anything, I really am very excitable and happy, but I am mostly introspective.

[1970 silver art]

This may not make any sense to anyone but I'm an introvert that, at times, can talk a lot given the right situation. ;D I like a lot of "me" time. I like being by myself because it helps me to relax and it is just me being my true self. I can talk to people if I need to and I am comfortable with talking to people that I know well. I guess I am not around enough people to "absorb" their emotions.

[Book]

How to Stop Absorbing Other People's Emotions

Bump

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[JDRock]

I am an introvert, I need alone time very often.
I enjoy being with people in small groups for limited time, I have no hatred for anyone, but crowds drain me so severely I need at least a day to get back to normal.
This is not an anxiety thing, I am almost always comfortable and laid back, I feel like my higher brain becomes depleted to the point where I become my ego, something I like to avoid.

Just did two weddings in two weekends, about 150 people each and loud.
I am happy as a clam for the first three hours, then I crash, turn into a jerk and just sit at the table staring at the wall.
At least I am able to recognize that I am having irrational thoughts and have learned to keep my mouth shut until I recharge the superego.

i dunno about the super ego thingie, but you described me to a "t". It makes it worse that im a musician,and i get sick
of performing for crowds.....i actually PREFFER to play alone...wierd huh?
sorry to hijack, book, ......but also the # of forums getting offed is growing.

Next time I am just going to excuse myself for a hour or so to go 'run an errand' and meditate in the car.

[zap]

Oh it's just like this, being " ON " all the time sucks the life out of you and me. ;)

[FreeEnergy]

Mouse, you are my man. The heck with a pussy-feeley new agey crap stuff that dumb blonds sell to other dumb blondes.

Man's power!


jaybone, my man, big crowd is one thing that should energize you. Have you ever gone to a big sports game, like 50,000 people? if not, try it, you'll start feeling different about big crowds.

jaybone, nothing weird about the stuff. Last few times I played music, being on the scene was one of the most energizing moments of my life...comparable to sex. So maybe you are not doing the right thing in life, or need to move on.

big cities are very lonely sometimes, you can go through a big crowd of people and be completely alone. that's weird stuff. And then you meet someone and the whole thing turns upside down. That's european, never worked for me in US of A, different kind of a crowd.

[keehah]

Well FreeEnergy, according to the article I quoted above, you may need to get on stage to get your brain as active as Jaybone can get going for a walk in the park.


The researchers proposed that given their higher level of brain activity and reactivity, introverts limit input from the environment in order to maintain an optimal level of arousal. Extraverts, on the other hand, seek out external stimulation to get their brain juices flowing.

Some logical extrapolation of this apparent difference in attitude could suggest much of the time your brain is much less active than Jaybone's. ;D

(just giving back the love)

BTW I know exactly what Jaybone and k-os were feeling, thanks for sharing you two.

[FreeEnergy]

ok, you got my bad english. what I meant is "being on stage.." and if you watch any good musician, especially guitarist, worth its salt you may notice that he gets high from playing on stage. and I concur that feeling. so yes, brain gets.....you know. which doesn't happen to jaybone, so I suggested that maybe a change of field is a good thing.

I don't begin to suggest anything to women...god no, thank you. k-os, just be happy (....where's that darn flower icon?)

[keehah]

Yes being on stage is different. I expect near everyone likes or would like performing well, creating something good, and getting immediate positive feedback for it for a few hours. And I can see how introvert musicians can focus on their playing (and band members) rather than say holding a Q and A with the crowd.

I should have made it a comparison between being in a large crowd watching a band, vs. walking in a park.

[Liquid]

I've always like the saying...a person with an active mind is never lonely.

This is a very interesting thread. I agree with mouse on that a lot of this is really over analyzed. We keep creating more and more disorders, it's become a disorder to try to understand them all.

The fact is we're all unique. I may be an introvert, but enjoy being around people sometimes, but need time alone. It's great to be with someone who doesn't need constant attention or entertainment. I work with some folks where we just stand there silent for quite some time, and it's great. We're not alone, but the presence of another says a lot.

The key is to realize that we can't rely on others, or anything outside ourselves, to find happiness. Once we control that ourselves, we find out who we really are. I really think it's that simple.

Our society gets bent with information overload, and everything in an instant, instant gratification, instant seeking attention...or taking attention from others.

It would be great if more folks just shut the fuck up sometimes.

[Bullion_Bob]

http://www.originalalamo.com/images/planes-trains-automobiles-web.jpg

Good way to unload pent-up negativity is to sit next to some poor bastard on a bus or train or plane and dump it on him during the trip.
:D


http://www.originalalamo.com/images/planes-trains-automobiles-web.jpg

Best scene of this movie, hands down:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEZv0FUPtcc

[Mouse]

I hate big cities, big crowds, they make me nervous and I go into defensive behaviors. At the same time, there are many extraoardinary things that the crowding of people and culture brings to light, that being a togetherness (having a bar where everyone and anyone can come in and just BS about stuff), having arts and music and other culture things. These are very positive. I can have a great time in a big city with a small crowd. I would never want to be in a big crowd in a big or small city, unless that was a concert or something, and now I would still likely avoid it.

As for my post into this, I think it is best to just understand that everyone needs their own balance of me time and public time.

I moved from the city to hay-bales no where and I love it. I miss my culture and my city life time. I get that here and there when I travel.

As for Freeenergy's post ala the power of the masses.......

Being onstage playing the crap out of the best set in front of the best crowd with the best buzz on your best axe beats just about anything (actually that's the God moment for me). In that event I would wish for the biggest crowd evar. I have had some fun playing in some good bands and I like to think I was a pretty damn fart smeller when I was slinging a guitar.

But in reality, when I put the guitar down, and take the headphones off, and turn the amps off, and turn the pro-tools off; I am yet again me, little me. Just like I was before, when I was scared of people, just like I was after, when I know I SHOULD be scared of people, and just like everyone else that needs people, so we have a mexican standoff and split the nachos and a couple beers.

Mouse


edited to add guitarista wholly crap did he just do that Edna? edge

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[MNeagle]

Another old thread, but wanted to add this somewhere:

http://media-cache3.pinterest.com/upload/142989356888916404_g3PpytsM_b.jpg