Parenting styles

[sunshine05]

I chat online with a moms group and I've known these women for 5+ years. They are all very mainstream except for me and one other mom. I don't talk about prepping or the economy or anything like that with them, at least not often. I've noticed that parents today are really tough on their kids and I'm finding it hard to even relate to these people anymore. Some of them have had their kids in daycare since their kids were 6 weeks old and now they are in kindergarten along with before and aftercare. Then the rare day that they get to spend with their kids, such as a snow day they complain because school was canceled and their kids are driving them crazy. So, to the topic....I will give you a few examples of things that are really bothering me. A mom recently took her 5 year old for swim lessons and her kid was terrified so she let the two big swim coaches pick him up and drag him into the pool:(. I could never do that. When my older son took lessons, I let him sit on the side because he was scared of water. When he got a little older I put him in a private lesson and he did much better and lost a lot of his fear and finally when he was 8 he learned how to swim really well, just playing in the pool on vacation. So everyone agreed with her that it was "good for him" to force him to get used to the pool. I was the only one who disagreed.

Another example, a mom's 8 year old was misbehaving and talking back and stuff like that so she is forcing him to go to a football camp even though he hates football. She thinks it will be good for him and this is his punishment. Again, I would never force my kids to take any type of program that didn't interest them. I let them gravitate to what they like and then I encourage it by signing them up for sports, music, etc. that they choose.

Another one...one who has been in daycare since 6 weeks old is pushing kids in school and being aggressive and mouthing off to the teachers. He is 5. So she takes him to an ADHD "specialist" for an evaluation and of course he confirmed that he has it so I know the next thing will be ritalin. My older son was always in trouble for talking and not sitting still in grade 1 through 3 and the school was calling me and talking about ADHD and I said no way, I am not medicating him, ever. I ended up getting him tested for food allergies (so grateful we have a holistic doctor because he recommended this) and it turned out that he had a casein intolerance so we took him off milk and noticed a big difference in his behaviors, less meltdowns, etc. We *could* have put him on ritalin but we did everything possible to avoid that and we're so glad we did. But when I mentioned my experience to her and suggested she try some natural things she dismissed it. She will not even have allergy testing or anything.

Another thing I've noticed is that since I started homeschooling my 9 year old, we get along so much better. There isn't all the tension associated with getting ready in the morning, homework fights, school projects, etc. He is so happy, he's learning so much more and he said he never wants to go back to school:). I want my kids to be happy and secure in our home and I want to be connected to them and it just seems like forcing them to do activities they aren't ready for would ruin that. I don't let them run wild. We teach them to be respectful, have manners, do their chores, etc. I want them to trust me that I'll always have their back. I guess I do gentle parenting but it seems like parents today (at least in my circle) are so tough. So, am I too easy on my kids? I don't spoil them and buy them everything they ask for, I swear. :) I really find myself feeling so sorry for kids today. And that is just 3 of many, many examples of what I consider parenting FAIL. Thoughts?

[lapis]

What do you think of the Attachment Parenting philosophy? I think you might have more in common with AP parents than mainstream ones (although be warned that AP parents also tend to be extremely liberal politically).

AP parents tend to be more "natural" and gentle with their children, so they generally don't vaccinate, don't circumcise, don't spank or believe in corporal punishment, do breastfeed and co-sleep with their children.

Do you ever go on the Mothering.com forums (http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/)? You ought to go take a look and lurk. See if you like what you find.

I belong to several AP-ish online and local groups. In my case, I find that although I tend to agree with AP parents' philosophy, I find them a bit crazy and hard to be around on a personal level.

I like mainstream parents more as people, as long as we don't talk about parenting or kids.

[zap]

I had my girl in preschool at 3yrs. mostly cause she talked my ear off and was ready for social interaction with other kids.( it was 3 hours a day) I complain that she is driving me crazy, but then again it is only me and her now, I don't have any family or trusted friends close other then my drunken sis, so I can't get a break unless I drive to my mom's an hour away, and Jesus that girl talks 24/7 you never heard such a yapper, But I would never trade that yapping, and pawn her off at a daycare.

I agree Sunshine I think the trust and mutual respect is the most important things you can have with your kids, I remember taking her swimming, just at friends pools it was either me or him that would take her in and she had complete trust in both of us, so she has been swimming since she was 3 she loves the water, I don't think you should push to hard if they are scared, but they do need to try new things, Not by force though.

She is only 5 and they won't let her do music in school and she can't go to brownies til she is in 1st grade she wants to do both.

The biggest problem I have is I need to push her away a little, she doesn't want to be without me, which is understandable since she lost dad, But I need her to get used to staying at a babysitters for a few hours now and again, she will stay with my mom, or my niece for a few hours, I had her stay at my nieces the day we had the meetup with K-os and I left her at noon and she called me at 8;30 and told me she really needed me to come get her, that was the longest I have left her, and haven't done so since.

[lapis]

I had my girl in preschool at 3yrs. mostly cause she talked my ear off and was ready for social interaction with other kids.

We have similar kids! All the yapping drives me insane; I like to have (a lot) of quiet time to myself. If it weren't for that, I would totally homeschool her.

Zap, you may want to try to find a local parenting group that shares your philosophy as well (on Mothering.com there's a "Find Your Tribe" sub-forum to find parents in your area), because it's nice to have interaction with other like-minded adults. If you find people you like, you guys can do babysitting swaps. You need some time to yourself! It's tough to be with your kids 24/7 without other adults around to help.

Yahoo groups has a ton of local parenting groups, as does Meetup.com.

[ximmy]

But Zap... "It's wayyy more fun to write a song............ when birds and frogs all sing alongggg!" ;D

[sunshine05]

What do you think of the Attachment Parenting philosophy? I think you might have more in common with AP parents than mainstream ones (although be warned that AP parents also tend to be extremely liberal politically).

AP parents tend to be more "natural" and gentle with their children, so they generally don't vaccinate, don't circumcise, don't spank or believe in corporal punishment, do breastfeed and co-sleep with their children.

Do you ever go on the Mothering.com forums (http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/)? You ought to go take a look and lurk. See if you like what you find.

I belong to several AP-ish online and local groups. In my case, I find that although I tend to agree with AP parents' philosophy, I find them a bit crazy and hard to be around on a personal level.

I like mainstream parents more as people, as long as we don't talk about parenting or kids.


I think I found the same thing as you. I was part of a Holistic moms group locally for a while but they were all crazy Obama fanatics and gave me dirty looks for having my kid in a disposable diaper. I really don't "fit in" anywhere but here....this board. This place has people who agree with me politically, are open to conspiracy theories (totally my thing), into natural healing, prepping and PM's.:). I would loooove to find friends in my area like me but it is impossible!

[dys]

I strongly agree with you on all points but the first one (the swimming). I think it is fine to throw a kid into the water at that age, it was how I learned to swim and I am greatful that I was taught that way. One thing I have noticed about parents nowadays is an inordinate and unhealthy obsession with homework. You have kids doing like 3 hours of homework per night, it's excessive.

dys

[zap]

But Zap... "It's wayyy more fun to write a song............ when birds and frogs all sing alongggg!" ;D

:ROFL: yep it is Ximmy ;D

[mightymanx]

Senario 1:
My dad threw me off the dock into the lake then pulled up the ladder it was 25 feet to shore. Obviously I made it and know how to swim. That ability saved a life in 1998.

Seanrio 2:
That was corrected with the open hand was used for and or wooden spoon if problem was not corected timley enough Dad with closed hand.

Obviously I survived and are a productive member of society that can speak to large groups handlesituations that require tact and or diplomacy.

Senario 3:

In second grade Mrs Romig all the hyper kids had to run laps around the school untill they could sit still and be calm (school grounds =1/4 mile) All of Mrs Romig's second grade class completed the Calhoon memorial 10k run as well.

Obviously I survived and became a productive member of society.


That's how I grew up and the methods seem to have been a great sucess for 38 years now. I have no personal knowledge of other methods and their results. I am curently using modified methods of above with my child but the results will be a long time comming.

[sunshine05]

mightymanx - sure, you "survived" but I'm just saying there are gentler ways to parent and still accomplish what you need to. I try to always keep in mind how I would have felt as a child in these scenarios. I can tell you, I would not have liked my mother allowing two strangers to force me into a swimming pool against my wishes. It's just wrong. My parents weren't like that. They never forced us to do things so we would "learn" and I hate even hearing about it.

[zap]

The only thing my parents forced me to do was get back on a horse that bucked me off when I was about 10 or 11, I remember it well, There was no way I wanted to get back on and I was crying and fighting them on it, and they both made me, I guess I am glad they did.

[Twisted Titan]

The Three Most important things to help make sure You raise a wholesome child.

1) Adequate rest

Toddlers and adolescents need about 10 hours of sleep as they growing like weeds If kids are not on a steady sleep cycle it give rise to whole host of other maladies that drive parents crazy.


2) Good Meals ( home made if possible)

If you feed your kids slop expect them to go haywire. Diet of childeren is abosolutely crucial to
productive childhood.

3) Happiness and Security.

Childeren need to be grounded, have a sense of identity and belonging. They also need rules, boundaries and limitations set as it gives shape to the type of person they will become.


Covering those three is no means a small task but will go a loooooooooong way to making that rough ( but rewarding ride) is much easier on your backside :)

[Ash_Williams]

I'm not sure parenting style matters that much as long as the kid is healthy. I don't think I would have turned out any different if raised by a different family. And you see a lot of the times where two brothers born a year apart have less in common than two strangers on the street. To some extent the person is just going to be who they are going to be.

[SLV^GLD]

My take on the swimming pool event; if you want to force the child into the water then fine, do it yourself. Deciding the child should be forced in and then employing a third party to do the dirty work is disrespectful and should prove damaging to the parent child trust relationship.

I don't have kids but this much seems apparent.

[horseshoe3]

I strongly agree with you on all points but the first one (the swimming). I think it is fine to throw a kid into the water at that age, it was how I learned to swim and I am greatful that I was taught that way. One thing I have noticed about parents nowadays is an inordinate and unhealthy obsession with homework. You have kids doing like 3 hours of homework per night, it's excessive.

dys


To be thrown in the pool by a parent or trusted friend is fine. But when your mother hands you to two burly strangers and they throw you in the pool, that can't be good.

Agree with you on homework.

[kregener]

Ephesians 6:4

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Thus endeth the lesson.

[lapis]

I think I found the same thing as you. I was part of a Holistic moms group locally for a while but they were all crazy Obama fanatics and gave me dirty looks for having my kid in a disposable diaper.

Have you seen them lately? You may find that some of the members' views about SHTF have changed. This is definitely going mainstream.


I really don't "fit in" anywhere but here....this board. This place has people who agree with me politically, are open to conspiracy theories (totally my thing), into natural healing, prepping and PM's.:). I would loooove to find friends in my area like me but it is impossible

I love it here, too, but it's nice to find people locally that you can meet face-to-face.

Are there any homeschoolers in your area? They are more open to all these ideas. I've become good friends with a couple of homeschooling moms who are hard-core preppers and enjoy DOOOM! porn as much as I do. :D