An open letter to Women...

[Gaillo]

At the great risk of being called Sexist, Insensitive, or a male chauvinist pig... I've decided to present a few things for women to think about - based on my many years of knowing, loving, and living with them. OK... here goes... I've finished donning my fireproof suit! ;D

1 - Chocolate is NOT sex. A great many of you seem to have the two confused for some reason.

2 - I am NOT your toilet seat position adjustment robot. I put the damned thing up without complaining, you can do the same thing in opposite when it's your turn to use it.

3 - Same thing with the toilet paper roll... if it's out, I can and DO go find another roll without squawking bloody murder... I KNOW you women are capable of the same.

4 - You can see the exact make, type, and relative "fake-ness" of your girlfriend's new diamond earrings from across a crowded room... you SURE AS HELL can also notice if an oil pressure light goes on 2 feet in front of your face while driving. Same goes for a temperature gauge... "I didn't see it" is NOT a valid excuse - just be honest and say "I didn't CARE enough to pay attention to it, because I was yakking to my girlfriend about how you never put the toilet seat down".

5 - The direction to turn a nut or screw to loosen or tighten it is NOT encoded in male DNA - we had to learn it at some point in our life, YOU CAN TOO.

6 - Ditto for parallel parking.

7 - I am NOT your ATM machine, welfare program, or providential genie. YOU wanted "equal rights" and feminism... now SUCK IT UP and go EARN your money just like the men you wanted so badly to emulate. I'll HAPPILY discuss equal payment of food, bills, and transportation... but buy your own clothes and sparkly things... I'm happy to give you nice gifts, but the SECOND you start expecting or demanding bangles and baubles, I'll be EXPECTING you to replace the transmission in my jeep. The thing between your legs does NOT entitle you to my property, any more than the thing between my legs entitles me to your property.

8 - Dont EVER say the words "we need to talk" without expecting MAJOR unpleasantness in the wake of it... I can't think of a single set of words (other than maybe "just be friends") that a man does NOT want to hear more. (Real) Men talk in order to SOLVE PROBLEMS in the REAL WORLD, not to "bond" or "feel good" about the relationship.

That's all for now... Gaillo out.

[MNeagle]

:o

O.K. then.

Are you sleeping on the couch tonight??

[osoab]

.

[General of Darkness]

WTF, did your old lady kick your ass with her lip plate.

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/african_attention_whore.jpg

[Bullion_Bob]

How about women that drive fast, and aggressive but would, without question, spin the car off after the third turn on a track. Total disaster going on upstairs for sure.

[oldmansmith]

You are with the wrong women is all I have to say. Mrs. Old is a bit of a bitch right now, but she is pregnant with our first (a girl) and she has an excuse. I haven't been monogamous for 20 years because things have sucked around here.

[Gaillo]

Just so there's no confusion here... this was NOT posted because of any problem I'm having with Henny Penny. In fact, we've never got along better than we are now, we have 12 years of good history together, and she understands and agrees with what I wrote (except for #1 - I think it's a genetic defect she shares with most women! ;D)

Why does everyone typically assume that non-politically correct honesty = problems? ???

[Horn]

Gaillo, we need to talk. :-*

[ximmy]

At the great risk of being called Sexist, Insensitive, or a male chauvinist pig... I've decided to present a few things for women to think about - based on my many years of knowing, loving, and living with them. OK... here goes... I've finished donning my fireproof suit! ;D

1 - Chocolate is NOT sex. (Chocolate is sex)

2 - I am NOT your toilet seat position adjustment robot. (It smells when left open, roaches & snakes come up out if it if you leave it open... half asleep, we sit down without looking in the middle of the night, *&#%@! left the toilet seat up again...)

3 - Same thing with the toilet paper roll... (Don't squeeze the toothpaste tube in the center...)

4 - you SURE AS HELL can also notice if an oil pressure light goes on 2 feet in front of your face while driving. Same goes for a temperature gauge... (Let us drive the good car, not the broken down, uncared for one that you pasted together with bailing wire and bubblegum... asshole!!!)

5 - The direction to turn a nut or screw to loosen or tighten it is NOT encoded in male DNA - we had to learn it at some point in our life, YOU CAN TOO. (Righty tighty... lefty loosey...)

6 - Ditto for parallel parking. (We can read road maps & ask for directions)

7 - I am NOT your ATM machine, welfare program, or providential genie. YOU wanted "equal rights" and feminism... now SUCK IT UP and go EARN your money just like the men you wanted so badly to emulate. I'll HAPPILY discuss equal payment of food, bills, and transportation... but buy your own clothes and sparkly things... I'm happy to give you nice gifts, but the SECOND you start expecting or demanding bangles and baubles, I'll be EXPECTING you to replace the transmission in my jeep. The thing between your legs does NOT entitle you to my property, any more than the thing between my legs entitles me to your property. (I have my own money, land, & real estate, Don't ask me for any of it!!!)

8 - Dont EVER say the words "we need to talk" without expecting MAJOR unpleasantness in the wake of it... I can't think of a single set of words (other than maybe "just be friends") that a man does NOT want to hear more. (Real) Men talk in order to SOLVE PROBLEMS in the REAL WORLD, not to "bond" or "feel good" about the relationship. (If we need to talk... we really don't need to talk... just get out!!!)

That's all for now... Gaillo out.

[Horn]

. (If we need to talk... we really don't need to talk... just get out!!!)


ximmy, said it for me.

[Ponce]

If he didn't have "problems" with his wife before then he sure as hell will now hahahahahaha.........and about #3?......you better find her some tp ;D

[zap]

1. It is if your not having any!

2. Pee sitting down Mr.

3. Replace when needed.

4. Thats a mans job, although I will do it if you cook.

5. Right is tight and left is loose ;)

6. Expert parker !

7. Men should carry money so when I need some they have it ready (so I don't loose it) ;D

8. No talking JUST WILD SEX


:ROFL:

[Horn]

8. No talking JUST WILD SEX


Take it out on me, Mama... ooww!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSpmEOSrTvU

[SLV^GLD]

No one person can tell another what he or she actually needs. "We need to talk" is appropriately interpreted as "I need you to listen".

[k-os]

I am happy to say that only the last one applies to me.

I love chocolate and all, but it has never replaced sex in my relationships. However, they have done studies that show that chocolate releases the same kind of endorphins that sex releases in some women. Just sayin'.

I am hyper-aware of the gauges on my vehicle, and I wouldn't notice earrings unless someone made a point to show them to me, and I wouldn't care if they were real or fake.

Wait, seriously, you know women that do not know how to tighten or loosen a screw? That is depressing.

You should understand that a lot of us didn't demand equal rights, we inherited them, and we are a little pissed off about it.

By the way, um, we need to talk . . . so here is my Open Letter to Men:

1) Stop trying to impress me with your stuff. I don't care about your stuff. I would be way more impressed if you drove a beater, wore a Timex and were wise with your earnings. Or even if you spent your money on building memories and having adventures. Then at least we'd have something worth discussing.

2) When I cook for you, and I tell you that dinner is ready, that means dinner is ready. You should get your ass to the table right quick. It is insulting that you want to finish up something instead of eating this delicious hot meal I have prepared for you.

3) If it is your job to take out the garbage, then please do not make me nag you to take out the garbage. If you are so great at noticing gauges in your car, why can't you see that the garbage is over flowing when you put the empty orange juice carton on top like you are building a pyramid? I do not want to nag you. I promise. Nobody likes a nag. But if I ask you to take out the garbage, and you say, "I will, later", you had better do it before you lay more garbage on top of the pile, and "later" should always mean today sometime, preferably within a couple of hours.

4) Cigars are gross, and I don't want to smell it on your breath. It smells like an actual asshole in your mouth, and I don't want to kiss it. I don't even want to sit next to it when you are talking. That smell lasts in your mouth for days, even after rigorous brushing and mouthwash.

5) When you drink too much, and you get frisky and I turn you down, it's for the best. Whiskey dick never has a happy ending, and no matter what you say to make me feel better, it still hurts my feelings. We'll have fun tomorrow morning when you are better able to participate. (Unless you smoked a cigar, of course.)

6) Although everyone occasionally passes gas unintentionally on occasion, it's not cool when you do it because you think it's funny. If you need to fart, please exit the room and do so.

I tried so hard to get to match Gaillo's 8, but I struggled to think of all of these.

Perhaps not all of these apply to you? |--0--|

[osoab]

I am happy to say that only the last one applies to me.

I love chocolate and all, but it has never replaced sex in my relationships. However, they have done studies that show that chocolate releases the same kind of endorphins that sex releases in some women. Just sayin'.

I am hyper-aware of the gauges on my vehicle, and I wouldn't notice earrings unless someone made a point to show them to me, and I wouldn't care if they were real or fake.

Wait, seriously, you know women that do not know how to tighten or loosen a screw? That is depressing.

You should understand that a lot of us didn't demand equal rights, we inherited them, and we are a little pissed off about it.

By the way, um, we need to talk . . . so here is my Open Letter to Men:

1) Stop trying to impress me with your stuff. I don't care about your stuff. I would be way more impressed if you drove a beater, wore a Timex and were wise with your earnings. Or even if you spent your money on building memories and having adventures. Then at least we'd have something worth discussing.

2) When I cook for you, and I tell you that dinner is ready, that means dinner is ready. You should get your ass to the table right quick. It is insulting that you want to finish up something instead of eating this delicious hot meal I have prepared for you.

3) If it is your job to take out the garbage, then please do not make me nag you to take out the garbage. If you are so great at noticing gauges in your car, why can't you see that the garbage is over flowing when you put the empty orange juice carton on top like you are building a pyramid? I do not want to nag you. I promise. Nobody likes a nag. But if I ask you to take out the garbage, and you say, "I will, later", you had better do it before you lay more garbage on top of the pile, and "later" should always mean today sometime, preferably within a couple of hours.

4) Cigars are gross, and I don't want to smell it on your breath. It smells like an actual asshole in your mouth, and I don't want to kiss it. I don't even want to sit next to it when you are talking. That smell lasts in your mouth for days, even after rigorous brushing and mouthwash.

5) When you drink too much, and you get frisky and I turn you down, it's for the best. Whiskey dick never has a happy ending, and no matter what you say to make me feel better, it still hurts my feelings. We'll have fun tomorrow morning when you are better able to participate. (Unless you smoked a cigar, of course.)

6) Although everyone occasionally passes gas unintentionally on occasion, it's not cool when you do it because you think it's funny. If you need to fart, please exit the room and do so.

I tried so hard to get to match Gaillo's 8, but I struggled to think of all of these.

Perhaps not all of these apply to you? |--0--|


At least your not always right. :sun:

[k-os]

At least your not always right. :sun:


No kidding. I am usually wrong, but I get to blame my crappy memory. ;)

[solid]

Guys, learn how to understand and interpret womanese. It's really not that difficult. ;D

[ximmy]

To add to K-os list...

7) Take a bath sometime... dirty fingernails, smelly armpits, excessively hairy legs, back & and ass do not make you look inviting...

[osoab]

To add to K-os list...

7) Take a bath sometime... dirty fingernails, smelly armpits, excessively hairy legs, back & and ass do not make you look inviting...


Dirty fingernails = I actually work with my hands for a living.
You should really smell them after working all day with hogs. :D

Hairy legs, etc. = You want guys to use Nair? :dunno

[ximmy]

To add to K-os list...

7) Take a bath sometime... dirty fingernails, smelly armpits, excessively hairy legs, back & and ass do not make you look inviting...


Dirty fingernails = I actually work with my hands for a living.
You should really smell them after working all day with hogs. :D

Hairy legs, etc. = You want guys to use Nair? :dunno


I don't know either... :dunno

[muffin]

That's not a man, that's an ape!! :o

[BrewTech]

6) Although everyone occasionally passes gas unintentionally on occasion, it's not cool when you do it because you think it's funny. If you need to fart, please exit the room and do so.




I don't fart because I think it's funny... I fart because SHE thinks it's funny!



(I have the greatest woman in the world!)

[SLV^GLD]

An open letter to men:

If you are a GSUS male then the only kinda woman that is ever gonna make you happy
is an old fashioned woman that is smart, independant, sweet, knows how to take care of her man,
doesn't care about your toilet seat problem, knows how to use a firearm, doesn't care about money & bling,
knows how to use her pink tool set , takes care of the mr. pantsmonster, will bring you a drink when your changing your transmission
and pack you a sammitch for work AND look hot with shiny lip- gloss- lips while doing all of the above.
I knew I was lucky but it's nice to hear a stranger on the internet confirm it from time to time.

[BrewTech]

An open letter to men:

If you are a GSUS male then the only kinda woman that is ever gonna make you happy
is an old fashioned woman that is smart, independant, sweet, knows how to take care of her man,
doesn't care about your toilet seat problem, knows how to use a firearm, doesn't care about money & bling,
knows how to use her pink tool set , takes care of the mr. pantsmonster, will bring you a drink when your changing your transmission
and pack you a sammitch for work AND look hot with shiny lip- gloss- lips while doing all of the above.
I knew I was lucky but it's nice to hear a stranger on the internet confirm it from time to time.


I too, am a very lucky man...

[Horn]

excessively hairy legs, back & and ass do not make you look inviting...


You need to have some hair down there, it acts as an early warning system.

Bald sex is dangerous.

[horseshoe3]

Dirty fingernails = I actually work with my hands for a living.
You should really smell them after working all day with hogs. :D

Hairy legs, etc. = You want guys to use Nair? :dunno


QFT

And hog smell NEVER washes off. We got rid of our hogs 3 years ago and I swear I can still smell it. It's probably stuck in my excessive nose hair.

[Neuro]

I haven't been monogamous for 20 years because things have sucked around here.
And Mrs old is OK with your behaviour and attitude? ;D ;D

[oldmansmith]

I haven't been monogamous for 20 years because things have sucked around here.
And Mrs old is OK with your behaviour and attitude? ;D ;D


Most of the time....she did yell at me yesterday because I bought another 5 ounce ATB set!

[nunaem]

I haven't been monogamous for 20 years because things have sucked around here.
And Mrs old is OK with your behaviour and attitude? ;D ;D

;D

I was going to post that too. But I think he meant it as: "I wouldn't have been monogamous for 20 years if things had sucked around here."

[Neuro]

I haven't been monogamous for 20 years because things have sucked around here.
And Mrs old is OK with your behaviour and attitude? ;D ;D


Most of the time....she did yell at me yesterday because I bought another 5 ounce ATB set!
Hmmm... I see!... interesting...

[solid]

An open letter to men:

If you are a GSUS male then the only kinda woman that is ever gonna make you happy
is an old fashioned woman that is smart, independant, sweet, knows how to take care of her man,
doesn't care about your toilet seat problem, knows how to use a firearm, doesn't care about money & bling,
knows how to use her pink tool set , takes care of the mr. pantsmonster, will bring you a drink when your changing your transmission
and pack you a sammitch for work AND look hot with shiny lip- gloss- lips while doing all of the above.

If you don't have a schweetie that resembles that ^ & you're a GSUS man then, um, well, you picked a modern woman
that would shudder at the thought of any of your 8 issues and probably will ask you to pay for a bewbie job.

Just say no to modern day women ! Find an old fashioned one !



I just worked 53 exhausting hours in 4 days, and I've been thinking about OHL's post here..thought I'd bump this thread with a response.

Guys, I've always prided myself in the fact that I do everything to take care of myself, my own cooking, dishes, laundry, etc...

But, if you've got a good woman, never take her for granted.

These last few days have been so busy and tiring, I haven't had the time, nor energy, to even make a sandwich for myself, I've been eating like crap, dirty clothes piling up. I've realized even the little things, like having a fresh pair of socks ready, help with breakfast, little things would go a long way with me getting through my work week.

Heck, I work 7 days in a row, then get 7 off. I'd go so far in showing my appreciating for those things that my 7 days off of freedom, I'd do all the cooking, and cleaning, making sandwiches, etc. I do all that anyway for myself.

Anyway, thanks OHL, for teaching me something....and many thanks to all the good women out there that do little things for their men. Those things do go a long way sometimes. May you forever be appreciated and rewarded for those things.

[po boy]

Solid, now that you have some time off you can get to work on the boat. ;D

[solid]

Solid, now that you have some time off you can get to work on the boat. ;D


Yeah.. ;D I lucked out, my job for today got canceled, so I caught up on some much needed sleep last night. I'm enjoying being lazy right now drinking coffee.

Thanks for reminding me of all the projects I need to get done on the boat. Maybe I'll get started soon. ;)

[Horn]

Why don't you sail down to the Nicaraguan coast & pick one up?

[sunshine05]

An open letter to men:

If you are a GSUS male then the only kinda woman that is ever gonna make you happy
is an old fashioned woman that is smart, independant, sweet, knows how to take care of her man,
doesn't care about your toilet seat problem, knows how to use a firearm, doesn't care about money & bling,
knows how to use her pink tool set , takes care of the mr. pantsmonster, will bring you a drink when your changing your transmission
and pack you a sammitch for work AND look hot with shiny lip- gloss- lips while doing all of the above.

If you don't have a schweetie that resembles that ^ & you're a GSUS man then, um, well, you picked a modern woman
that would shudder at the thought of any of your 8 issues and probably will ask you to pay for a bewbie job.

Just say no to modern day women ! Find an old fashioned one !



Great post OHL! I think what you are describing IS GSUS women. That's how we are able to "fit in" on this forum:).

[Awoke]

My woman is GSus material, but she has no interest in forums, etc.

She's a good, old fashioned woman, amazing mother, patient partner, supportive friend. Plus she can cook, shoot guns, loves the outdoors and she's hot with or without lip gloss.

I win.

lol


BTW OHL, I loled at "sammich" and "bewbie"

Now I want a bewbie sammich!

[Awoke]

I had a bewbie sammich for breakfast today at about 5am.

;D