Man Takes Viagra, Wears Sweatpants for TSA Pat Down

[Ares]

NASHVILLE INT’L AIRPORT — A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday, daring TSA officers and even fellow passengers to give him an invasive pat down.

“I’m next,” Warren Kelvin, 34, screamed as he pushed to the front of the security line. According to TSA officials, Kelvin had ingested two Viagra and wore sweatpants without boxers for his Southwest flight from Nashville to Phoenix.

“I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” said Amanda Watershed, second shift supervisor of the A Terminal at Nashville International Airport. “Nope… That was his penis.”

Even though TSA officials allowed Kelvin to initially pass through security without the controversial pat down, the passenger on more than one occasion got back in line until he felt that he had been thoroughly inspected. Kelvin finally got the invasive pat down by 38-year-old officer Duncan Allbright after 80 minutes and four trips through security.

“Even after we let him pass through he kept walking out of the terminal and getting back in line,” said Watershed. “Finally, Duncan had to bite the bullet for everyone and do a thorough screening of him in a private [security] room.”

Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”

U.S Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano dismissed concerns that more TSA officers would quit or that more travelers would take similar measures to get their “jollies”. “I am hoping this is an isolated incident. If flights were a lot cheaper, I could see more people doing this,” said Napolitano, “but with the cost of airplane fuel rising, I don’t think $560 roundtrip is a bargain price to get fondled.”

Calls to TSA headquarters went unanswered, as everyone there is just exhausted.

http://thewashingtonfancy.com/2011/06/man-takes-viagra-wears-sweatpants-for-tsa-pat-down/

[Gaillo]

Bwahahahahaaaaa! http://gold-silver.us/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=288&d=1310671482

[solid]

“I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” said Amanda Watershed, second shift supervisor of the A Terminal at Nashville International Airport. “Nope… That was his penis.”

A baton? That's quite a compliment she gave that guy.

I'd be pretty happy for a gal to say "Is that a baton in your pants, or are you happy to see me?"
;D

[Ares]

I believe the "Washington Fancy" is satire, but still pretty funny.

[Joe King]

Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”

Seems to me that if there are more people who fly and also use viagra than there are TSA agents, this just might be the way to make them all want to quit. lol

[Ponce]

I hope that they have a microscope hady if the want to check my "bundle".......oh well.

[keehah]

“I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”

The reality of ths situation, satire or not, is that predators get off from the power they force over others.

When the sexual predator's supposed victim appears sexualy aroused and acts as if he wants to be touched, the sexual predator is often blocked.

[madfranks]

“This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”


said Napolitano, “but with the cost of airplane fuel rising, I don’t think $560 roundtrip is a bargain price to get fondled.”

I see lots of truth in those statements. First, an admission from a TSA agent that he had a passion for touching strangers, and second an admission from Napolitano that fondling is indeed part of the screening process.

[ShortJohnSilver]

He should have carried a half dozen donuts with him - the TSA officers would have been happier since they would get free donuts ...

[ximmy]

What's the difference between an erection & a raging erection... not a joke... just curious??? ???

"A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday"

[osoab]

What's the difference between an erection & a raging erection... not a joke... just curious??? ???

"A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday"


I'm guessing do to the Viagra the known condition of penile flaccidity could not occur.

[Dogman]

What's the difference between an erection & a raging erection... not a joke... just curious??? ???

"A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday"

Normal erection = Same old same old = Normal sex.

Raging erection = Will drive woman, into total frenzy, make her babble and speak in tongues, break the bed, or what ever furniture used.

Raging erections are one of the reasons , men are called horny goats.

And that is just the short list! ;D

[Joe King]

Raging erections are one of the reason , men are called horny goats.

Did you know they actually have pills for that?



300

[Dogman]

Did you know they actually have pills for that?



300

Imagine that!

But no thank you, believe in doing it old school way, and make whatever girl friend that is current, happy and her bitching later (IN the good way they do) that she is having trouble walking later!

301

[solid]

Normal erection = Same old same old = Normal sex.

Raging erection = Will drive woman, into total frenzy, make her babble and speak in tongues, break the bed, or what ever furniture used.

Raging erections are one of the reasons , men are called horny goats.

And that is just the short list! ;D

That's a pretty good definition actually.;D

I'll only add that you can talk a normal erection down, through mental willpower. Mindset, and focus.

A raging erection however, you just have to deal with it. It's not going away on it's own. If you have a gal to help, great, if not you just need to man up and take care of it yourself.

[beefsteak]

He should have carried a half dozen donuts with him - the TSA officers would have been happier since they would get free donuts ...

I lost it totally on your reply, and I'm still laffing.

You were talking donuts and the thread's about raging erections. All I could think of was that the next thing we learn is TSA playing ring toss with their breakroom donuts, with all men in sweatpants. har har har.

That is, unless the TSA agent is a ringer and really a drag queen

Thanks for the guffaw!


beefsteak

[Neuro]

So the idea is to carry half a dozen donuts around your raging erection through the scanner? I can just imagine the discussion...

TSA: WHAT is That???
Viagra-man: Donuts, Sir!
TSA: WHY?
V: It's for you, Sir!

[Santa]

This story is such bullshit. There is no way one of our boys in the TSA would allow an erection to get past without a full inspection. They'd be on it so fast it'd make your little head spin.
Support our TSA today... The USSA way.

http://i915.photobucket.com/albums/ac358/jackconrad/junk/3857d610.jpg

[mamboni]

Baton a compliment? If she had said "Is that a 44 Magnum in your pants or are you happy to see me?" that would be a compliment.

Let's be honest: the guy acted like a big prick.;D

[po boy]

Raging hard on is when your honey sees it and says oh hell no!! Same as the towel hanger just lacking in the pulsation department.

[steyr_m]

That guy has more balls than I do. I could never do it. It is quite the way to make a statement....

[LuckyStrike]

I wonder what they would do if someone actually did that.

I've basically sworn off flying, for pleasure anyway, I might do it again armed with those pills though. I would have no problem with the TSA goons, it's my personality, but the hard (no pun intended) part would be afterwords when you are waiting in the terminal and everyone is grabbing their children to their sides or taking pics on a cell phone. It'd be on youtube before your flight left.