From the Onion.....

[willie pete]

I got a laugh out of this one....>:D ...especially the part about harry reid wearing a black pantyhose mask....lol

WASHINGTON (AP) — Capitol Police were not amused by tweets and an article written by the satirical newspaper The Onion falsely reporting that members of Congress had taken a group of schoolchildren hostage.
The satirical newspaper's Twitter accounts and related story Thursday reporting gunshots and hostage-taking in the Capitol came a day after the FBI arrested a Massachusetts man accused of planning to bomb the Pentagon and the Capitol with explosive-filled model airplanes.
"It has come to our attention that recent twitter feeds are reporting false information concerning current conditions at the U.S. Capitol," Capitol Police spokeswoman Sgt. Kimberly Schneider said in a statement.
She said conditions at the Capitol, now largely empty because lawmakers are on vacation, were normal. "There is no credibility to these stories or the twitter feeds. The U.S. Capitol Police are currently investigating the reporting."
The Onion tweets and article spoke of members congressional leaders, "brandishing shotguns and semiautomatic pistols," taking a class of schoolchildren hostage and threatening to kill them if they didn't get $12 trillion in cash.
It showed a doctored picture of House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, holding a gun to a child's head and reported that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was firing a handgun and wearing a black pantyhose over his head.
Boehner's office had no comment.

[joboo]

They did a follow up story as well. I suppose it's incorrect, they are actually holding their parents at gunpoint.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/hostage-negotiation-talks-stall-in-congress,26209/

They are enslaving the children directly into poverty, and hardship.

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/26/26207/Congress_Takes-R_jpg_250x1000_q85.jpg (http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-takes-group-of-schoolchildren-hostage,26207/)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-takes-group-of-schoolchildren-hostage,26207/


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ej25Q2VXqtU

[mamboni]

The insanity coming out of Washington is threatening to put the Onion out of business. No matter how inane and satirical the Onion story, Washington will eventually equal it and then surpass it.

[Ares]

I read the article, that is hilarious. The funny thing is the Onion told them what Congress is doing, but without the violence. The children are the hostages, they will be paying for the mistakes these morons make.

[Santa]

Leave those kids alone!

[BrewTech]

I read the article, that is hilarious. The funny thing is the Onion told them what Congress is doing, but without the violence. The children are the hostages, they will be paying for the mistakes these morons make.

LOL... one other person actually gets the joke. ^5 Ares!

[keehah]

From the MSM video: "We at the Onion feel it would be irresponsible to comment on such irresponsible reporting, nor will we succumb to unfounded sensationalism until all the facts have been thoroughy obscured"

Also just out:

Historians Politely Remind Nation To Check What's Happened In Past Before Making Any Big Decisions
SEPTEMBER 28, 2011 | ISSUE 47•39 (http://www.theonion.com/articles/historians-politely-remind-nation-to-check-whats-h,26183/)

Trying to avoid repeating bad things we did in the past is a good idea, historians say.

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WASHINGTON—With the United States facing a daunting array of problems at home and abroad, leading historians courteously reminded the nation Thursday that when making tough choices, it never hurts to stop a moment, take a look at similar situations from the past, and then think about whether the decisions people made back then were good or bad.

According to the historians, by looking at things that have already happened, Americans can learn a lot about which actions made things better versus which actions made things worse, and can then plan their own actions accordingly.

"In the coming weeks and months, people will have to make some really important decisions about some really important issues," Columbia University historian Douglas R. Collins said during a press conference, speaking very slowly and clearly so the nation could follow his words. "And one thing we can do, before making a choice that has permanent consequences for our entire civilization, is check real quick first to see if human beings have ever done anything like it previously, and see if turned out to be a good idea or not."

"It's actually pretty simple: We just have to ask ourselves if people doing the same thing in the past caused something bad to happen," Collins continued. "Did the thing we're thinking of doing make people upset? Did it start a war? If it did, then we might want to think about not doing it."

In addition, Collins carefully explained that if a past decision proved to be favorable—if, for example, it led to increased employment, caused fewer deaths, or made lots of people feel good inside— then the nation should consider following through with the same decision now.

While the new strategy, known as "Look Back Before You Act," has raised concerns among people worried they will have to remember lots of events from long ago, the historians have assured Americans they won't be required to read all the way through thick books or memorize anything.

Instead, citizens have been told they can just find a large-print, illustrated timeline of historical events, place their finger on an important moment, and then look to the right of that point to see what happened afterward, paying especially close attention to whether things got worse or better.

"You know how the economy is not doing so well right now?" Professor Elizabeth Schuller of the University of North Carolina said. "Well, in the 1930s, financial markets—no, wait, I'm sorry. Here: A long, long time ago, way far in the past, certain things happened that were a lot like things now, and they made people hungry and sad."

"How do you feel when you're hungry? Doesn't feel good, does it?" Schuller added. "So, maybe we should avoid doing those things that caused people to feel that way, don't you think?"

Concluding their address, the panel of scholars provided a number of guidelines to help implement the strategy, reminding the nation that the biggest decisions required the most looking back, and stressing the importance of checking the past before one makes a decision, not afterward, when the decision has already been made.

While many citizens have expressed skepticism of the historians' assertions, the majority of Americans have reportedly grasped the concept of noticing bad things from earlier times and trying not to repeat them.

"I get it. If we do something bad that happened before, then the same bad thing could happen again," said Barb Ennis, 48, of Pawtucket, RI. "We don't want history to happen again, unless the thing that happened was good."

"When you think about it, a lot of things have happened already," Ennis added. "That's what history is."

In Washington, several elected officials praised the looking-back-first strategy as a helpful, practical tool with the potential to revolutionize government.

"The things the historians were saying seemed complicated at first, but now it makes sense to me," said Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX), who reversed his opposition to oil-drilling safety regulations after checking past events and finding a number of "very, very sad things [he] didn't like." "I just wished they'd told us about this trick before."