I just farted.....

[Buddha]

It didn't smell too bad, my diet is pretty good. I had some beef ravioli in red sauce for lunch so it kind of smelled like that. It wasn't a "popcorn" fart, it was more sustained. I don't feel like going to the bathroom, I should soon though because I haven't had a bowel movement yet today. I get a good amount of fiber so I am not too worried about it.

[Golden]

I know exactly what you mean.

[Dogman]

For most people , other peoples farts stink! :mad:

But their own smell "Like lilies of the fields" ;D


1613

[Spectrism]

thanks for sharing. what color was it?

[Horn]

Try as you may, you'll never be quite as pretty and dramatic as Ponce de Leon.

http://www.boomerproject.com/images/ponce_pic.jpg

[Ponce]

That must be Horn kneeling down to declare his love for me........he got the wrong guy :)

[Buddha]

That must be Horn kneeling down to declare his love for me........he got the wrong guy :)

It's ok Ponce, I don't judge. Don't forget the prenup, you won't want to lose half of your tp. By the time Horn and Art get done with you you'll have to wipe your ass with the marriage certificate.

[osoab]

Here I sit lonely hearted,
Tried to shit, but only farted.
Back at my desk I take a chance,
Tried to fart, but shit my pants.
...

[Buddha]

thanks for sharing. what color was it?

It was the color of Ponce's humility.

[JJ.G0ldD0t]

The other day I wondered how much longer till this thread would pop up.

[Ponce]

Buddha's new hobby......lookind down Ponce's pants to see the color of his humility........heyyyyy that's what I call it.

[Horn]

It was the color of Ponce's humility.

Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.
Buddha (http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/buddha118038.html)


Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/b/buddha.html#ixzz1eO79u2mT

[ximmy]

The Fart Narcissist

[PatColo]

BREAKING (http://tinyurl.com/b2jwby)

[Buddha]

Buddha's new hobby......lookind down Ponce's pants to see the color of his humility........heyyyyy that's what I call it.

I do have a affinity for small pieces.

[Tumbleweed]

Budda you need to tighten up the muscles on your asshole so that doesn't happen again. You must have been keeping them to loose and that's why it happened.

[freespirit]

holy f$ck boys,

slow news day or what??
lol
;D

[Dogman]

It has been a rather recent trend here to post shit related threads!

1617

[ximmy]

Some people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny...

[osoab]

1618

[gunDriller]

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

" Where does fart gas come from?
The gas in our intestines comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts.

What is fart gas made of?

The composition of fart gas is highly variable.

Most of the air we swallow, especially the oxygen component, is absorbed by the body before the gas gets into the intestines. By the time the air reaches the large intestine, most of what is left is nitrogen. Chemical reactions between stomach acid and intestinal fluids may produce carbon dioxide, which is also a component of air and a product of bacterial action. Bacteria also produce hydrogen and methane.

But the relative proportions of these gases that emerge from our anal opening depend on several factors: what we ate, how much air we swallowed, what kinds of bacteria we have in our intestines, and how long we hold in the fart.

The longer a fart is held in, the larger the proportion of inert nitrogen it contains, because the other gases tend to be absorbed into the bloodstream through the walls of the intestine.

A nervous person who swallows a lot of air and who moves stuff through his digestive system rapidly may have a lot of oxygen in his farts, because his body didn't have time to absorb the oxygen.

According to Dr. James L. A. Roth, the author of Gastrointestinal Gas (Ch. 17 in Gastroenterology, v. 4, 1976) most people (2/3 of adults) pass farts that contain no methane. If both parents are methane producers, their children have a 95% chance of being producers as well. The reason for this is apparently unknown. Some researchers suspect a genetic influence, whereas others think the ability is due to environmental factors. However, all methane in any farts comes from bacterial action and not from human cells.


What makes farts stink?

The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. Nitrogen-rich compounds such as skatole and indole also add to the stench of farts. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and mercaptans will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts.

Why do farts make noise?
The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. {Like a Clarinet, but Smellier.} Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus. Contrary to a popular misconception, fart noise is not generated by the flapping of the butt cheeks. You can see proof of this in the close-up video footage of Carl Plant's fart on Mate-in-a-State .

Why are stinky farts generally warmer and quieter than regular farts?
(Question submitted by many, many people!)

Most fart gas comes from swallowed air and consists largely of nitrogen and carbon dioxide, the oxygen having been absorbed by the time it reaches the anal opening. These gases are odorless, although they often pick up other (and more odiferous) components on the way through the bowel. They emerge from the anus in fairly large bubbles at body temperature. A person can often achieve a good sound with these voluminous farts, but they are commonly (but not always!) mundane with respect to odor, and don't feel particularly warm.
Another major source of fart gas is bacterial action. Bacterial fermentation and digestion processes produce heat as a byproduct as well as various pungent gases. The resulting bubbles of gas tend to be small, hot, and concentrated with stinky bacterial metabolic products. These emerge as the notorious, warm, SBD (Silent-But-Deadly), often in amounts too small to produce a good sound, but excelling in stench.
How much gas does a normal person pass per da

Whereas it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart count. You might try this as a science fair project."

[freespirit]

Some people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny...

lol...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itSmBaLJm64&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL5853B6ADFBAF1A16

[mick silver]

i took a piss a few hours ago and it was yellow

[Dogman]

That brings us to a new high? For a shitty thread post! ;D

[Ponce]

i took a piss a few hours ago and it was yellow

That's good, it means that you are getting rid of all the poisons in your system.

[BrewTech]

i took a piss a few hours ago and it was yellow

Yellow like "regular" yellow or yellow like "I just OD'd on quality multivitamins and I'm pissing liquid sunshine" yellow?

[keehah]

This thread belongs Beyond the Thunderdome.

Buddha's Master Blaster

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJOuH5R1BkQ

[Book]

It didn't smell too bad, my diet is pretty good. I had some beef ravioli in red sauce for lunch so it kind of smelled like that. It wasn't a "popcorn" fart, it was more sustained. I don't feel like going to the bathroom, I should soon though because I haven't had a bowel movement yet today. I get a good amount of fiber so I am not too worried about it.


1623

::) can't imagine why GIM2 has fifty times more visitors...lol.

[Buddha]

1623

::) can't imagine why GIM2 has fifty times more visitors...lol.

Including you and your 1000+ posts there right Book ;)

[Neuro]

...by me

Get the title right Buddha!

[joboo]

Including you and your 1000+ posts right Book ;)

6,736.....posts....not including lurking.

Seriously though, holy shit. How many hours of life is that?

This thread does kinda suck on a bigger picture timeline though....too much information. ;D

[Awoke]

Shouldn't the OP be in the "Random thread" or the Scannned thread?

Buddha farrrted.

[Santa]

I just Googled "Buddha farts" and there are about 22,200,000 results.

You may be onto something big. Big like Tiger Blood or Rhinoceros Horn.

Work out bottling and marketing details and sell big time to Chinese.

[woodman]

Surely you are no equal to this man:

joseph pujol

5/4/08
Joseph Pujol was born in Marseille.
He was one of five children of François (a stonemason and sculptor) and Rose Pujol. Soon after he left school he had a strange experience while swimming in the sea. He put his head under the water and held his breath, whereupon he felt an icy cold penetrating his rear. He ran ashore in fright and was amazed to see water pouring from his anus. A doctor assured him that there was nothing to worry about.

When he joined the army he told his fellow soldiers about his special ability, and repeated it for their amusement, sucking up water from a pan into his rectum and then projecting it through his anus up to several yards. He then found that he could suck in air as well. Although a baker by profession, Pujol would entertain his customers by imitating musical instruments, and claim to be playing them behind the counter. Pujol decided to try his talent on the stage, and debuted in Marseille in 1887. After his act proved successful, he proceeded to Paris, where he took the act to the Moulin Rouge in 1892.

Some of the highlights of his stage act involved playing a flute through a rubber tube in his anus, farting sound effects of cannon fire and thunderstorms as well as farting La Marseillaise. He could also blow out a candle from several yards away.[1] His audience included Edward, Prince of Wales, King Leopold II of the Belgians and Sigmund Freud.[2]

In 1894, the managers of the Moulin Rouge sued Pujol for an impromptu exhibition he gave to aid a friend struggling with economic difficulties. For the measly sum of 3,000 francs (Pujol's usual fee being 20,000 francs per show), the Moulin Rouge lost their star attraction, who proceeded to set up his own traveling show called the Theatre Pompadour.

In the following decade Pujol tried to 'refine' and make his acts 'gentler'; one of his favourite numbers became a rhyme about a farm which he himself composed, and which he punctuated with the usual anal renditions of the animals' sounds. The climax of his act however involved him farting his impression of the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.

With the outbreak of World War I, Pujol, horrified by the inhumanity of the conflict, retired from the stage and returned to his bakery in Marseille. Later he opened a biscuit factory in Toulon. He died in 1945[3], aged 88, and was buried in the cemetery of La Valette-du-Var, where his grave can still be seen today. The Sorbonne offered his family a large sum of money to study his body after his death, but they refused the offer. Photo uploaded at 4:15 PM

[Tumbleweed]

Two of my uncles used to eat a lot of meat so their farts really stunk. Whenever they went somewhere in the car together they would roll up the windows to get even for the other ones fart and make them suffer with a fart of their own.

[Dogman]

Two of my uncles used to eat a lot of meat so their farts really stunk. Whenever they went somewhere in the car together they would roll up the windows to get even for the other ones fart and make them suffer with a fart of their own. Witnessed personally?

[Tumbleweed]

Witnessed personally?

Unfortunatey yes you didn't want to get in a vehicle with them. When they used to come visit us and would pull in to the yard the windows would be rolled up and they'd have agrim look on their faces.

[JJ.G0ldD0t]

woodman redeems this thread with history.

Thanks.

[JJ.G0ldD0t]

Unfortunatey yes you didn't want to get in a vehicle with them. When they used to come visit us and would pull in to the yard the windows would be rolled up and they'd have agrim look on their faces.


Sounds like a survey crew I was on in the 90's

[mamboni]

I think this thread is definitely in the running for "Thread of the Year." Nice work Buddha!;D

[Awoke]

After a weekend of drinking a lot of beer and eating a lot of meat, I had some pretty rank farts. I dropped a huge bomb rolled all the windows up and put the window locks on. My kids were not pleased. Neither was my wife. Personally, I hadn't laughed so hard in years....

[Dogman]

After a weekend of drinking a lot of beer and eating a lot of meat, I had some pretty rank farts. I dropped a huge bomb rolled all the windows up and put the window locks on. My kids were not pleased. Neither was my wife. Personally, I hadn't laughed so hard in years....

Try beer and a bunch of pickled eggs! You can blow the roof off the joint!

[Buddha]

I think this thread is definitely in the running for "Thread of the Year." Nice work Buddha!;D

Just doing what I'm good at, starting shitty threads.

A few years ago I was working as a cashier. On my lunchbreak I went to a Mexican restaurant and got a "burrito supreme" with rice and re fried beans on the side along with a couple beers. Before that the only thing I had was my 24oz coffee from the gas station. I had several customers ask me about that horrid smell. It lingered gloriously, since there was little ventilation. One after the other, customers approached and were promptly taken aback in awe by my intestinal song. It wasn't only a single song however, but a cascading repertoire of the highest quality. Some say that the air quality out look for that day was dropped by the local news. I know better however, there has never been a better time to breathe, and to be alive.

[mamboni]

Just doing what I'm good at, starting shitty threads.

A few years ago I was working as a cashier. On my lunchbreak I went to a Mexican restaurant and got a "burrito supreme" with rice and re fried beans on the side along with a couple beers. Before that the only thing I had was my 24oz coffee from the gas station. I had several customers ask me about that horrid smell. It lingered gloriously, since there was little ventilation. One after the other, customers approached and were promptly taken aback in awe by my intestinal song. It wasn't only a single song however, but a cascading repertoire of the highest quality. Some say that the air quality out look for that day was dropped by the local news. I know better however, there has never been a better time to breathe, and to be alive.

Herein you have confessed to having committed a crime: assault with a noxious gas. People have gone to prison for less.;D

[Dogman]

Herein you have confessed to having committed a crime: assault with a noxious gas. People have gone to prison for less.;D That ain't no shit!

;D

[mamboni]

That ain't no shit!

;D

After the 10 most terrifying words in the English language (i.e. I'm from the government and I'm here to help you), the 6 most terrifying words are "I fart in your general direction."

[gunDriller]

After a weekend of drinking a lot of beer and eating a lot of meat, I had some pretty rank farts. I dropped a huge bomb rolled all the windows up and put the window locks on. My kids were not pleased. Neither was my wife. Personally, I hadn't laughed so hard in years....

small price to pay for Happiness !

[Horn]

1623

::) can't imagine why GIM2 has fifty times more visitors...lol.

GSUS, the 1% who dealt it.

[osoab]

After the 10 most terrifying words in the English language (i.e. I'm from the government and I'm here to help you), the 6 most terrifying words are "I fart in your general direction."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWBUl7oT9sA


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWBUl7oT9sA

[mamboni]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWBUl7oT9sA


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWBUl7oT9sA

I can't see what you posted 'cause of nanny guard but 5 will get you 10 that it's a Monty Python clip, yes?

[osoab]

I can't see what you posted 'cause of nanny guard but 5 will get you 10 that it's a Monty Python clip, yes?


You are correct.

[Korbin Dallas]

I sharted, and when I check my shorts, there was an Obama portrait.

[Ponce]

When ever I go out into the cities all that I have to do is to look at the faces of my fellos contrymen (yes you are) and I can tell that most of them are about to take a shit by the look on their faces........they have to go but there is nowhere to go, and that's a portraid of the American economy.

[joboo]

I used to work a job ages ago at IBM where everyone wore lab coats.

This one guy Lenny was lactose intolerant, but he'd still put back a few glases of milk for his co workers on a fairly regular basis.

His farts were so fierce they had a propagation speed of about five feet per second for good a 30 foot diameter with unbelievable hang time. I could swear the air changed color sometimes.

He would work up a good one in his lab coat then walk up to you while you were sitting down, fan open his lab coat, and say "spread the love". Always with "spread the love".

He did this shit a lot...pretty unbelievable scenario looking back. One crazy soab.

[osoab]

I used to work a job ages ago at IBM where everyone wore lab coats.

This one guy Lenny was lactose intolerant, but he'd still put back a few glases of milk for his co workers on a fairly regular basis.

His farts were so fierce they had a propagation speed of about five feet per second for good a 30 foot diameter with unbelievable hang time. I could swear the air changed color sometimes.

He would work up a good one in his lab coat then walk up to you while you were sitting down, fan open his lab coat, and say "spread the love". Always with "spread the love".

He did this shit a lot...pretty unbelievable scenario looking back. One crazy soab.

that's fucking hilarious

[Ponce]

Remember the guy a couple of years ago? he was having a hemo operation and the Dr was using some kind of electric satu to close the wound, the sleeping guy farted and burned the Dr face hahahahahahah.

[freespirit]

some twelve years ago or so, i worked in a small shop making outdoor furnishings. one of my co workers had a habit of sidling up to me when i was working on something, cut one loose, and then stick around for a second to make sure you smelt it, then he'd smile and go back to work.

...then one day he was kneeling down on the shop floor, assembling some parts. i walked by him, cupped the side of his head with my right hand, and pinned his left ear to my ass and let one of the juiciest, rankest farts go, right in his ear!

i had made sure to eat some home-made chili the night before, and had scrambled eggs for breakfast that day. that fart stank so bad, his face went blue, and he looked like he was going to puke. all the while he's scrubbing the side of his head looking like he got sprayed by a skunk!

--good times...;D

[zap]

Really, 2 pages 57 posts on farting? :)

[Dogman]

Really, 2 pages 57 posts on farting? :) No , its 2 pages and 59 posts!

[joboo]

The Ultimate Farting Machine:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/play/658/

::)

...don't look at me I just post here.

[BrewTech]

I floated one a couple of days ago in my buddy's shop. Both he and his tech had to leave,(these guys are big fart fans, mind you) and the guys from the business NEXT DOOR were coming out asking what the smell was. That fart went outside, turned the corner, and went inside again.

Awesome.

[PatColo]

...then one day he was kneeling down on the shop floor, assembling some parts. i walked by him, cupped the side of his head with my right hand, and pinned his left ear to my ass and let one of the juiciest, rankest farts go, right in his ear!

Which reminds me - when I used to work in IT at a dot-bomb years ago, the IT nerds used to have predatory fart wars. We were setting up a new office space one time, and I was pinned down in the leg space under a desk, connecting cables of the 'puters and peripherals etc, small cramped space with only one way out- and this Vietnamese nerd decided that was the ideal space to stick his arse and rip one. Not friendly! :-X

The nerds used to laugh like hyenas when I'd let a loud one rip, while at the same time I'd cough a very fake cough 2-3 times, poorly synchronized with the ripper, as though I were trying to "politely camouflage" the real event.8) I joked one time that I'd finally gone to see the doctor about my "little cough" - and that he'd diagnosed me with gas.


Really, 2 pages 57 posts on farting? :)

Hey now! People who don't think farts are funny, well- I just instinctively don't trust them!

[Awoke]

My funniest fart story can not be given justice with text on an internet screen.

I was at work and on the elevator all alone. I dropped a wicked bomb. More wicked than any other wicked bomb before it. I was awe struck and staggered by how potent the smell was. I couldn't wait for the doors to open.

Doors open and there are two contractor workers standing in front of me, with hard hats on. As the doors opened and I saw them, I smiled, and the smile quickly morphed into a chuckle. They looked at me weird, then looked at each other, and stepped aside to let me exit.

I continued chuckling as I walked away. I got about 20 feet and around a corner when I heard them let out a simultanious "ARRRGH!" as the door started closing and I started to LOL in earnest. They heard me LOL and they both started to LOL as the doors finally sealed them in for a slow ride to their next floor.

It all happened so fast. WISH I had a camera for that elevator ride. I'm sure they told their buddies about it on their lunch breaks, etc.

It was hilarious man.... The stench was beyond human.

[Santa]

Yeah, har har, it's all fun and games...till someone dies.
Mark my words all you fart fans, it'll be on your conscience for eternity. :)

[Libertytree]

My funniest fart story can not be given justice with text on an internet screen.

I was at work and on the elevator all alone. I dropped a wicked bomb. More wicked than any other wicked bomb before it. I was awe struck and staggered by how potent the smell was. I couldn't wait for the doors to open.

Doors open and there are two contractor workers standing in front of me, with hard hats on. As the doors opened and I saw them, I smiled, and the smile quickly morphed into a chuckle. They looked at me weird, then looked at each other, and stepped aside to let me exit.

I continued chuckling as I walked away. I got about 20 feet and around a corner when I heard them let out a simultanious "ARRRGH!" as the door started closing and I started to LOL in earnest. They heard me LOL and they both started to LOL as the doors finally sealed them in for a slow ride to their next floor.

It all happened so fast. WISH I had a camera for that elevator ride. I'm sure they told their buddies about it on their lunch breaks, etc.

It was hilarious man.... The stench was beyond human.

Ya gotta be shittin' me...;D

[JDRock]

Stop dragging the level of this intellectual forum down to your level! Its 'phart" , not fart! dont be a low browed uncultured brute! (jk)

[muffin]

1640

[Book]

I think this thread is definitely in the running for "Thread of the Year."



Google search on the word and GSUS will soon become the first entry.

::) what an honor within the precious metals internet community!

[keehah]

Better than SHTF?

[Neuro]

Google search on the word and GSUS will soon become the first entry.

::) what an honor within the precious metals internet community!

Googling "Mamboni farted" shows this thread first! ;D

[Kali]

Why do farts stink? So that deaf people can enjoy them also!

[lapis]

Yeah, har har, it's all fun and games...till someone dies.

I was just reading the "highlights" of this thread aloud to dh, and when I read him this line he chuckled and said, "yes, that's the goal."

Oh, you men are just horrible creatures! ;D

[lapis]

He's almost inspired enough to become a GSUS member and post his own Greatest Hits! Look out!

[Neuro]

He's almost inspired enough to become a GSUS member and post his own Greatest Hits! Look out!Tell him to troll GoD. He's about to get bored to death!

[k-os]

I had a boss who was a "crop duster". He would lay one down and walk the cubicles like nothing ever happened. One time, I needed to ask him a question before the smell had set in, and so I stopped him. He was mortified. It was awesome . . . after the fact, of course!