Engineers

[Gaillo]

Engineers - Take 1
To an optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the Engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Engineers - Take 2
An engineer rides a bike up to his University co-worker Engineer.
"Nice bike, dude!"
"Yeah... but listen to how I got it! I was walking to campus this morning, and just down the road around the curve, there was a woman who had thrown her bike down in the grass, ripped off all her clothes, and was thrusting her nude hips at me screaming "Take anything you want!""
"Good choice, man... the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Engineers - Take 3
A chemical Engineer, a Structural Engineer, and a Civil Engineer are all at a convention. They begin discussing God. The chemical Engineer says "God must be a chemical Engineer... the perfect molecular structure of life is all that you need to see to accept that fact".
The Structural Engineer replies: "God is a structural Engineer... without the perfect structure of the Earth, solar system, and galaxies, there would be no place for the chemical magic to occur!"
The civil Engineer replies to both of them: "You two don't have a clue. Just look at the human body... only a civil Engineer would locate the waste disposal facility right next to the recreation center!"

There's a take-4, but I'm tired of typing, and I'll let someone else tell the tale of the fairytale frog-princess and the Engineer! ;)

(P.S. All of this is true - as an Engineer, I'll vouch for its accuracy! ;D)

[madfranks]

A man in a hot air balloon falls asleep and drifts away, when he wakes up he doesn't know where he is. He sees a man down on the ground below and yells at him to ask if he can tell him where he is. The man on the ground pulls out his laptop computer, does a few calculations and promptly gives the man in the hot air balloon his exact coordinates, latitude, longitude, direction of travel and speed. The man in the hot air balloon yells down, "you must be an engineer, because you've answered my question exactly but it doesn't help me one bit!". The man on the ground says, "you must be a contractor, because you think that's my problem!" LOL

[SLV^GLD]

Alternate Take 1.

An engineer knows that the glass is always full unless it were in a vacuum. The volume not displaced by liquid will be full of air.

[JohnQPublic]

An engineer, an accountant, and a secretary (administrative assistant) are condemned to death by guillotine. The secretary goes first. The blade is released, and stops inches from her neck. The executioner cries, 'God has saved this woman, let her go'. The accountant is next. The same thing happens, and he is freed. They lube up the guillotine. The engineer is next. He goes in upside down,looks up, and cries, 'wait, I see your problem...'

[JohnQPublic]

Alternate Take 1.

An engineer knows that the glass is always full unless it were in a vacuum. The volume not displaced by liquid will be full of air.

alternate 2 take 1.

Even in a vacuum, the glass is still full of space (ether, aether, quantam foam, dark energy, etc., call it what you will, but it ain't empty).

[palani]

Even in a vacuum, the glass is still full of space (ether, aether, quantam foam, dark energy, etc., call it what you will, but it ain't empty).

Most people don't have a clue as to what land is. Land is like that glass, a volume. What fills it up are called appurtenances. Land starts at the center of the earth and goes to the heavens above.

[ximmy]

Alternate Take 1.

An engineer knows that the glass is always full unless it were in a vacuum. The volume not displaced by liquid will be full of air.
Geek one...


alternate 2 take 1.

Even in a vacuum, the glass is still full of space (ether, aether, quantam foam, dark energy, etc., call it what you will, but it ain't empty).
Geek two...


Most people don't have a clue as to what land is. Land is like that glass, a volume. What fills it up are called appurtenances. Land starts at the center of the earth and goes to the heavens above.
Geek three...
---------
Once a geek, always a geek... "Geek three" = Winner!

[Neuro]

Alternate take 4:
The glass, water, air and vacuum is made up of matter or even lack of matter, which at a higher dimensional level can be seen as vibrations of different intensity, giving it this particular appearance in the hypothetical space time continuum we perceive as reality. Where is my grant?

-Quantum Mechanical Engineer

[horseshoe3]

A biologist, an engineer and a mathematician are sitting in an outdoor cafe drinking coffee and watching the house across the street. Two people enter the house. A short time later, three people leave the house. The biologist says, "They appear to have reproduced." The engineer says, "It's obvious that there was already one person in the house." The mathematician says, "Now, if exactly one person enters the house, it will be empty again."

[madfranks]

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[Horn]

Alternate take 4:
The glass, water, air and vacuum is made up of matter or even lack of matter, which at a higher dimensional level can be seen as vibrations of different intensity, giving it this particular appearance in the hypothetical space time continuum we perceive as reality. Where is my grant?

-Quantum Mechanical Engineer

The truth is there is no glass, or water.

It is only yourself that is full of it.

[JohnQPublic]

This thread has degraded from an "Engineers" thread to a "Philosophers" thread! :D

[Neuro]

The truth is there is no glass, or water.

It is only yourself that is full of it.

That may be the truth or most certainly not!

[Gaillo]

This thread has degraded from an "Engineers" thread to a "Philosophers" thread! :D

Engineering: Natural philosophy with an actual paycheck! ;D

(P.S. Q: What do you do with a degree in philosophy?
A: Think deep thoughts about being unemployed! ;) )

[JohnQPublic]

Engineering: Natural philosophy with an actual paycheck! ;D

(P.S. Q: What do you do with a degree in philosophy?
A: Think deep thoughts about being unemployed! ;) )

Peiople with an engineering degree say, "should work for aerospace, automotive, ...". People with a philosophy degree say, "would you like that with fries?".

I like philosophy, but it does not pay well.

[Golden]

People with an engineering degree say, "should work for aerospace, automotive, ...". People with a philosophy degree say, "would you like fries with that?".

I like philosophy, but it does not pay well.

Philosophy can pay well. It depends on how it is employed.

[Old Herb Lady]

WOW ! Kewl thread ! Thanks !
You know, I happen to know a brilliant ingineer vewy, vewy well and for the life of me could NEVER figure out WHY I've never understood a word that man says.
And don't dare ask, "how was your day". Cause the answer is never comprehendable... it's like he's talkin' in another language !
So, I say, whoa ! Can you turn it down a few notches so I can understand , please ?
The look...priceless....everytime. The jokes in this thread aren't jokes, I think they're ALL true ! :) HA !

[Neuro]

It sounds you don't know him well OHL. That's ok though cause he don't know himself either, probably far less than you do! Take good care of him, he may save the world one day!

[Old Herb Lady]

Ha !! Actually, I know him so well that I have to translate everything he says to make it understandable , especially if he's talking to kids, forget it.

[Horn]

.. it's like he's talkin' in another language !

Engineers are some the worst communicators, but lbs. per kilo. the best abbreviates.

[DMac]

Engineering: Natural philosophy with an actual paycheck! ;D

(P.S. Q: What do you do with a degree in philosophy?
A: Think deep thoughts about being unemployed! ;) )

I have a degree in philosophy. I think it was instrumental in my waking up. Also, while I struggle just like everyone else to tread water in this economy, my standard of living isn't so bad. :)

I wish more people studied philosophy, I think if that were the case we wouldn't be in as big a mess as we all are.

Learning how to think was possibly the greatest skill I've ever picked up.

[DMac]

Peiople with an engineering degree say, "should work for aerospace, automotive, ...". People with a philosophy degree say, "would you like that with fries?".

I like philosophy, but it does not pay well.

BOO to this post!

Down-voted!

[muffin]

this thread makes me feel dumb... :-[

[Neuro]

I have a degree in philosophy. I think it was instrumental in my waking up. Also, while I struggle just like everyone else to tread water in this economy, my standard of living isn't so bad. :)

I wish more people studied philosophy, I think if that were the case we wouldn't be in as big a mess as we all are.

Learning how to think was possibly the greatest skill I've ever picked up.
Arguable though if a degree in philosophy is the best path to learn how to think... In the best case scenario it may undo some of the damage of earlier edumbification. Reason with your kids, encourage them to question you, their teachers and what they learn from the Internet, news etc. in an intelligent way. It really isn't that difficult. But most of what they are taught in school runs counter to a critical examination of history, science, religion, social structures, literature...

[JohnQPublic]

BOO to this post!

Down-voted!

The truth is that philosophy is on a plane above science (since most science, whether or not most scientists realize it) is guided by philosophy. Society just does not understand and appreciate philosophy, plus it is harder for many people to find ways to make money in it. The (very simplified) hierarchy is something like:


Theology
Philosophy
Science
Agriculture Engineering Medicine etc.
etc.

[muffin]

The truth is that philosophy is on a plane above science (since most science, whether or not most scientists realize it) is guided by philosophy. Society just does not understand and appreciate philosophy, plus it is harder for many people to find ways to make money in it. The (very simplified) hierarchy is something like:


Theology
Philosophy
Science
Agriculture Engineering Medicine etc.
etc.



muffin at the bottom..

[Libertytree]

muffin at the bottom..

Me thinks you're in good company :)

[Old Herb Lady]

would u like some ice cream for dessert ?




Engineer's Diet Reply:

We all know that it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree celsius. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available source, your body fat. For example, a dessert served and eaten near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg.F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average dessert portion is 6 oz, or 168 grams. Therefore, by operation of thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1 cal./gm/deg. x 37 deg. x 168 gms) are extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is normalized. Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net calorie loss is approximately 5,000 calories. Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat, the better off you are and the faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal.

This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the temperature normalizing process. Thus the net calorie loss per ounce of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer. Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature. The results here are really remarkable, and it beats running hands down.

Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer, pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body temperature) induces an opposite effect. But, thankfully, as the astute reader should have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot of beer with pizza, and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice cream.

We should all be thin very soon if we adhere religiously to this cold pizza, cold beer, and ice cream diet.


WHAT ??????? NEVER MIND !



:)

[Old Herb Lady]

and these geeky things ? how many do they need ? ( i tried to use one once, the off button doesn't work, u had to type in a weird code to turn it off )


http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb175/giftvergift/Teacher%20Days%20Gift/21be.jpg


http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o300/Aeiresearch/Citcalc2.jpg

[horseshoe3]

1 food calorie = 1,000 actual calories. So the ice cream that contains 1200 food calories takes 6 food calories to heat. Net gain of 1194 food calories.

Interestingly, you burn ~100 food calories to bring a gallon of cool tap water up to body temp.

[SLV^GLD]

The trick to losing weight through consumption is to consume healthy amounts of cold water.

[JohnQPublic]

and these geeky things ? how many do they need ? ( i tried to use one once, the off button doesn't work, u had to type in a weird code to turn it off )


http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb175/giftvergift/Teacher%20Days%20Gift/21be.jpg




Any calculator with an "=" sign is too easy for an engineer to use:

2462

[Santa]

When structural engineers and political philosophers have a ho down.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LD06SAf0p9A

[DMac]

Arguable though if a degree in philosophy is the best path to learn how to think... In the best case scenario it may undo some of the damage of earlier edumbification. Reason with your kids, encourage them to question you, their teachers and what they learn from the Internet, news etc. in an intelligent way. It really isn't that difficult. But most of what they are taught in school runs counter to a critical examination of history, science, religion, social structures, literature...


I think this varies greatly by the professors one has and whether one is prone to a rebellious nature. For me, part of the process was calling out teachers when I thought they were full of it, regardless of backlash/care for grades.

Sometimes all it takes is that 1 'kooky old' professor that sparks the "hey, have I been lied to my whole life?" epiphany.

Philosophy, as JQP (almost) suggests, is the highest of sciences (IMO). It encompasses math, physics, art et al.

[madfranks]

The trick to losing weight through consumption is to consume healthy amounts of cold water.

I thought that was an old wive's tale. I didn't think your body burned enough calories by warming the water up to make it worth while.

[Neuro]

Sometimes all it takes is that 1 'kooky old' professor that sparks the "hey, have I been lied to my whole life?" epiphany.
I totally agree! I especially remember my kooky old Pathology professor Dr Kirkman, who did point out there was an epidemic of immuno deficiency, but doubted that it had very much to do with HIV... The next year he was not on staff any longer (just one year at our college, I think he was way older than 70 at that time, and he outdid the queen in Queens English...)

[osoab]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9BUyWVg1xI&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9BUyWVg1xI&feature=related

[keehah]

When 'Everybody Has a Price' Who Will Stand Up to Injustice? (http://www.commondreams.org/view/2011/08/07-2)

[Horn]

When 'Everybody Has a Price' Who Will Stand Up to Injustice? (http://www.commondreams.org/view/2011/08/07-2)

Boy are you off topic & suffering from thread creation phobia... :)

[keehah]

Boy are you off topic & suffering from thread creation phobia... :)

http://www.dilbert.com/2012-03-19/

[Horn]

“The game is the game… and the best anyone can hope for is to cut a good deal within it”.

Lets face it, keehah.

Most of the world is as a mushroom, only excited to produce when kept in the dark & fed manure.

[Horn]

http://www.hostsaweb.com/astrology/home/biodynamic-mushroom-farming_files/image010.gif

Relevant info., finally!

[Horn]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zP6xPNVB6XY