Glass
9th December 2012, 08:21 PM
I noticed one of those local news rags in a coffee shop I stopped by last week. It was a story about Santa and how global warming is f'ing the whole thing up for everyone.
Here's a link to the story. This link will die at some point so here is the text of the story:
http://www.perthvoice.com/voicew/
Climate change threatens Santa's Home
Shock news about the accelerated melting of the Artic ice sheets threatens Santa and his elves.
NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory and the University of Leeds released a report this week showing snow and ice melting at a much more rapid rate than previously predicted.
The Report means inhabitants of the parsely populated North Pol could become the northern hemispheres first climate change refugees.
Some claim the North Pole will not go underwater but will instead be transferred into a tropical paradise like Queensland but better as it won't have Campbell Newman, Bob Katter, Kevin Rudd or Wayne Swan.
"My intelligence tells me that Mr Claus and his employees are relieved to hear that they will live in a warm climate lounging under palm trees, while Santa frolics in the warm surf in his Mankini." Mount Lawley MP Michael Sutherland told the Voice, adding the traditional leaving out of cake and milk for santa will be replaced with coconuts.
Vincent mayor Alana McTiernan predicts Santa may decide to ditch his land based reindeer and outsource his delivery to other animals. "He has humanely arranged for their slaughter and being a notorious gourmet has had their meat salted to tie him over the expected lean times" she said.
"Whales performed well in moving Santa's large bulk, but are showing a marked reluctance to go near Japan", she said. "Meanwhile, seals penchant for munching fairy penguins have rendered them a nightmare for the Santa brand - a bit like having Nick Darcy as the face of a yoga school."
Perth Lord Mayor Lisa Scaffidi however thinks the climate change disaster is an opportunity for Perth (even though half of the state is tipped to be underwater in 100 years).
"Like many senior citizens from colder climates, maybe the time has come for Santa to relocate permanently to sunny Perth" she said.
Sure this is supposed to be tounge in cheek but it's still pretty tasteless IMO. These people are various politiicans of local and state government.
First off Santa's reindeer are not land based, they're flying reindeer. Everyone knows this.
Next thing is, I'd be worried about any MP fantasizing that Santa wears a mankini.
Finally why would you say that santa slaughtered all his reindeer and then ate them? Why wouldn't he just retire them? To the Gold coast or Miami?
And also finally as well also..... the city might be flooded........ in 100 years. We have this thing, it's called the 100 year flood event. It's built into insurance policies in most countries on the plannet. The 100 year flood plain and all that.... you know the places where they like to build all the low cost housing.
I think I wouldn't turn my back on any of these maroons.
Here's a link to the story. This link will die at some point so here is the text of the story:
http://www.perthvoice.com/voicew/
Climate change threatens Santa's Home
Shock news about the accelerated melting of the Artic ice sheets threatens Santa and his elves.
NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory and the University of Leeds released a report this week showing snow and ice melting at a much more rapid rate than previously predicted.
The Report means inhabitants of the parsely populated North Pol could become the northern hemispheres first climate change refugees.
Some claim the North Pole will not go underwater but will instead be transferred into a tropical paradise like Queensland but better as it won't have Campbell Newman, Bob Katter, Kevin Rudd or Wayne Swan.
"My intelligence tells me that Mr Claus and his employees are relieved to hear that they will live in a warm climate lounging under palm trees, while Santa frolics in the warm surf in his Mankini." Mount Lawley MP Michael Sutherland told the Voice, adding the traditional leaving out of cake and milk for santa will be replaced with coconuts.
Vincent mayor Alana McTiernan predicts Santa may decide to ditch his land based reindeer and outsource his delivery to other animals. "He has humanely arranged for their slaughter and being a notorious gourmet has had their meat salted to tie him over the expected lean times" she said.
"Whales performed well in moving Santa's large bulk, but are showing a marked reluctance to go near Japan", she said. "Meanwhile, seals penchant for munching fairy penguins have rendered them a nightmare for the Santa brand - a bit like having Nick Darcy as the face of a yoga school."
Perth Lord Mayor Lisa Scaffidi however thinks the climate change disaster is an opportunity for Perth (even though half of the state is tipped to be underwater in 100 years).
"Like many senior citizens from colder climates, maybe the time has come for Santa to relocate permanently to sunny Perth" she said.
Sure this is supposed to be tounge in cheek but it's still pretty tasteless IMO. These people are various politiicans of local and state government.
First off Santa's reindeer are not land based, they're flying reindeer. Everyone knows this.
Next thing is, I'd be worried about any MP fantasizing that Santa wears a mankini.
Finally why would you say that santa slaughtered all his reindeer and then ate them? Why wouldn't he just retire them? To the Gold coast or Miami?
And also finally as well also..... the city might be flooded........ in 100 years. We have this thing, it's called the 100 year flood event. It's built into insurance policies in most countries on the plannet. The 100 year flood plain and all that.... you know the places where they like to build all the low cost housing.
I think I wouldn't turn my back on any of these maroons.