Your very own black friend for only $99

[madfranks]

http://blackfriendconnect.com/

http://blackfriendconnect.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/black-friend-connect-banner1.jpg

High-Fives And Or Fist Bumping


Whether it is in front of your white co-workers, a company office party or happy hour, one of our trained black friends will show the white people you work with that you are “down”.


Attending Your All-White Party


One of our black friend specialists will attend your all-white party, tell stories from his past, hug you at the end party and say in front of all your white friends, “This is the best party I have ever been to.” Then proceed to give you a hug, fist bump, high-five or whichever you prefer. Optional add-ons for this service are: “I’m telling all my homeboys in the hood about the parties you throw”. Please ask your representative for any additional costs or services that you will be requiring.


Attending Your Favorite White Concert


Will attend a Dave Matthews concert with you. Please ask your representative for any additional costs that may occur depending on the band. Example: Kenny G, 3 Doors Down, The Spin Doctors, Nickelback etc.


Outdoor & Indoor Activities


* Attending your all-white camping trip
* Skiing
* Be the star on your all-white basketball, softball, baseball and touch-football team
* Go to the farmer’s market
* Birthday parties
* Hiking
* Play bass in your all white band
* Eating out at your favorite Vegan Restaurant
* Be the buffer if you are in a tussle with another white friend
* Social gatherings
* Wingman
* Attending a Bar Mitzvah
* Join you for either breakfast, lunch or dinner
* Attend a movie
* Get coffee
* Attend your stand-up comedy show, laugh at your jokes and support you
* Be the best man at your wedding


Black Women Friends


* Black women friends are ONLY available to white woman clients or white male clients we have an established business relationship with

[madfranks]

From the Testimonials:

http://blackfriendconnect.com/7.jpg

Hello Black Friend Connect!


Thank you for providing me with such an amazing black friend this weekend. Jamal Williams was such a nice and friendly guy. All my white friends were so shocked when I pulled up to the campsite with my new black friend. Around the campfire that night, Jamal told us some funny stories about growing up in the hood and also gave fist bumps to everyone at least two or three times. He went above and beyond what I expected! I’ll definitely be using your services again! Thanks Black Friend Connect!


Your white friend who now has a black friend,


Dean Huls
Apple Valley, Minnesota

[General of Darkness]

Hello Black Friend Connect

I'd like a refund. The black friend you sent wasn't a friend at all. He showed up half drunk to my summer pool party. He got naked and took a shit in my pool, and if that isn't that bad he then proceeded to try and have sex with my Labrador. My 9 year old screamed and he slapped him so hard his yamika flew into our fire pit. I was tending to the barbeque at the time so my wife approached him yelling and he ripped her top off and and bit off her nipple. Since we're jews celebrating the destruction of white nations and trying to promote dievershitty I think he would have raped and killed all of us without our neighbor Mishko Novosel coming over and curb stomping him. We've already filed a law suit against him for the emotional distress of 6 people and tresspassing. All we'd like from you is a refund because we think you're doing great work.

Rabbi Schlomo
Beverly Hills, CA

[Publico]

GoD: You lefty out the most important detail from your post; how did the baby back ribs come out?

[vacuum]

Services We Do Not Offer

* Anything that would be considered racist
* Drug related
* Dating service or anything sexual
* Manual labor
* No touching of your black friend’s hair
For any services you do not see on this list, or to get your very own black friend, click here (http://blackfriendconnect.com/your-black-friend/)!

[madfranks]

You guys do all know the OP is satire, right?

[Libertytree]

You guys do all know the OP is satire, right?

You mean there ain't no Cracka Connect either? That's racist :)

[General of Darkness]

You guys do all know the OP is satire, right?

Yes, and I also know

http://www.troll.me/images/unhelpful-high-school-teacher/youre-fucking-retarded.jpg

[Libertytree]

There should be a......

Rent a Jew, for all your dickstabbing, negotiating and cockholstering needs.

Maybe I should start a Rent a Redneck operation...all the fuckin fun you can handle and then some! :)

[BrewTech]

This concept has so much potential!

I look forward to visiting this thread often for the genius that is sure to occur.

[General of Darkness]

BTW I just ordered this little fucker. I'm gonna put a bite suit on him with a 2 pound steak sewn on the back and have Enzo chase his ass down.

http://www.spotill.com/photos/2/no%20teeth.jpg

DON'T WORRY, I'll give the little bastard a 30 second head start. I'm going to make sure it on my property because that's where the shove and hole are at. I don't want any trouble.

[osoab]

BTW I just ordered this little fucker. I'm gonna put a bite suit on him with a 2 pound steak sewn on the back and have Enzo chase his ass down.

http://www.spotill.com/photos/2/no%20teeth.jpg

DON'T WORRY, I'll give the little bastard a 30 second head start. I'm going to make sure it on my property because that's where the shove and hole are at. I don't want any trouble.


http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rolling.gif

[midnight rambler]

If 0bombya has a son he would look just like that.

[madfranks]

Yes, and I also know

http://www.troll.me/images/unhelpful-high-school-teacher/youre-fucking-retarded.jpg

No need to get sassy; I figured since you don't have any friends in real life you'd appreciate the option of renting one for a few hours next time you go try and hit up the bars hitting on girls who are not interested in you.

[JohnQPublic]

The rent a girl business has been around for a very long time.