helec338
17th August 2014, 12:10 PM
Edit: Just content for now.
Getting Closer To God In A Heathen Home:
Real Solutions For The Hurdles And Criticisms That Interfere With Growing Up Christian In An Agnostic/Atheist Household
Table of Contents
Introduction
Hurdle #1: Honoring Our Parents
Hurdle #2: How do I Stand Up For My Beliefs While Honoring My Parents?
Hurdle #3: “My house, my rules”
Hurdle #4: Going to Church or Bible Study
Hurdle #5: Forgiving Parents For Their Transgressions
Hurdle #6: Standing Up For Yourself
Criticism # 1: “He never existed.”
Criticism #2: Praying
Criticism # 3: Wearing a Cross
Criticism #4: Going to Church
Final Advice
Introduction
“Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.” - 1 Peter 4:16
It’s no strange case that a parent should worry about their child’s faith in God. It’s a parent’s duty to God to raise their child to be aware of their beliefs as they provide a guiding role. They model the behaviors and attitudes that they wish to impart on their children. It’s a rare thing then to have the roles reversed: having parents who do not believe in God while the child is the one interested in religion. This may happen in a home where the parents have genuinely never been interested in religion, or have turned away from it. It may happen in foster homes and in adoptive homes. Though it seems like an unknown topic, it must still be addressed.
This book is phrased specifically towards Christianity, though many of the same solutions may be applied to other religions. I must also mention that if you have been taught to believe in the Easter Bunny instead of the Crucifixion & Resurrection, to remember Santa instead of Jesus’s birth, and being frozen in ice rather than re-incarnation and heaven yet you wish to seek God, no matter how old you are right now, you are a very strong person. Not only that, but you have the Holy Spirit inside you guiding your path towards Him.
Hurdle # 1: Honoring Our Parents
If your parents do not agree with Christianity is it right to show them respect? Does the 5th Commandment apply if your parents are not Christian? The answer to these questions is yes, you still have to honor your parents. We only have one set of earthly parents. God ordered us in the 5th Commandment to honor them.
It doesn’t matter whether they are Christian or not. We are to honor them regardless. “Respect to parents is among the primary human duties; and no excellence can atone for the lack of such respect.” (Hertz) Remember that Jesus taught us that good works alone cannot save us. We must rely on our faith in Him and that is done by following His Laws. Therefore, we must always follow His Laws.
But what about times when doing so brings harm? “Only in cases of extreme rarity (e.g. where godless parents would guide children towards crime) can disobedience be justified.” (Hertz)As quoted above, there is a time when following all your parent’s wishes would not be best. It is safe to say that if your parent orders you to sin; their request should not be honored.
Is honoring the same as getting along?
To honor means to respect, to regard in high esteem, and also to obey. A powerful way to break a parent’s hold on their negative view of Christianity is to honor them and trust in Christ to help them see the benefit that the Lord has given you in your new attitude towards them. A parent’s heart is warmed when we do what they ask of us. So long as what they ask is not sinful or wrong.
A good relationship with your parent will help make them curious about Christ’s teachings. It will also help to nudge them into the reason why you are honoring them. You want them to develop respect for your personal beliefs and not to belittle them.
If your attitude towards them changes to where keeping the 5th Commandment is paramount, they will see that Christianity is a positive force in your life and want you to practice it (if only for the selfish reason that it gets you to listen to them and treat you with respect). Remember that respect is a two-way street. Your parents must also show it to you.
They are right to rebuke you for doing something wrong, for scolding you or criticizing you to keep you out of trouble. But they should not disrespect you and you must stand up for yourself and your beliefs if they cross that line. However, you must do it respectfully because they are still your parents.
Hurdle #2: How do I Stand Up For My Beliefs While Honoring My Parents?
Simply put, there is no substitute for respect and love. Parents correct our behavior, and we must correct theirs as well but in a respectful manner. This approach seeks to take advantage of their love for us. Let’s take the following situation: Your father walks into your room asking you to rake the leaves downstairs in the yard. He notices you are reading your bible on your bed. He says in a deriding tone “would you please put that crap away and go rake the leaves?
” You answer calmly “I’ll gladly rake the leaves dad, but remember that this book is teaching me to honor you. Do you not want me to honor you?” while getting up to hug or kiss them and go do the chore. If you are living with parents that beat you, this may not be the best response. The best response to parents that beat you is to report them. No one deserves to be beaten.
There are countless situations and variations of this conflict and so it would be pointless to try to list each and every single one. Neither I nor anyone else can give you a script to work off of to defend your beliefs. That must come from within you and your love of God. You must ask God to give you the courage and passion to defend yourself with.
That’s not to say that there aren’t simple things to remember to use to help you defend your beliefs. They are the following:
1. Everybody has a right to their beliefs.
2. Everyone has the right to be respected.
3. We all have the responsibility to show respect.
Remember these three important mottos and they will help you in your struggles.
“Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted…”- 2 Timothy 3:12
Hurdle #3: “My house, my rules”
Your parents may say “my house, my rules” to many of your arguments including this one. They have a point in that it is their house and you have to respect their rules if you live there. If you get to a point where your parents are restricting you to not wearing the cross, Jesus bracelets, t-shirts or the like, then you need to develop your relationship with your parents. They must respect your choice in order to let you have your choice of what to wear.
Many parents have dictatorial qualities which are a way to try to control you because they don’t feel love coming from you. Showing your parents that you love them will go a long way towards reducing their dictatorial qualities. Dictators need fear to govern. It is a very precarious situation because I understand that your parent’s attitudes may be borderline insane towards your choices.
This is why love is so vital to breaking down that attitude of control. Parents may also be jealous of your love for Christ and feel like they’ve been replaced. It may feel like you are the mature adult and they are the child that you must take care of. I know that I felt like I was taking care of my parent’s feelings but I knew that this was ruining my life and my relationship with God.
I knew that Christ was love and that parents can’t help but to love their child and so I began to show my parents love again very slightly. I would say goodbye to them as I left the house instead of walking by them and not saying it. That progressed to giving them kiss on the cheek when I would leave or come home. After, this grew to having conversations that lasted more than a few sentences. Before long, we began talking about my religion again on a more respectful level. I let my love for Christ show through honoring my parents and so they let me have what I wanted.
I soon began wearing WWJD bracelets, a cross around my neck, and even a t-shirt from my church! And, they were OK with this. They still disagreed with me on Christianity, but they began to tolerate my beliefs and respect me for taking a stand for them.
Hurdle #4: Going to Church or Bible Study
At the time I seriously began to be interested in Christianity, I was 12 years old. I was old enough to walk home by myself and stay out a little bit later after school. I was more interested in my friend Anna at the time as well, and she liked to go to church classes after school. It was like a free day care for her parents who worked late. That’s not to say that it was the only reason, as they were Christians as well. It worked out for them. It would also work out for me.
Once I began tagging along with Anna at Church I was taken in by the stories of the bible and the activities at the classes we would do. We learned about Christian customs like drawing fish in the sand to identify each other. We did that in the church sandbox .We had a basketball court where our self-proclaimed teams “Mary’s Models” for the girls and “St. Jude’s Walking Sticks” for the boys would compete against each other every afternoon.
There were light snacks on a table if we were hungry. And, of course, there was a lot of Bible Study. It cost $20 a month for each of us to attend this after school program and that just happened to be my allowance for the month. Things have a way of working out. While that may not be true for Anna and me (she never liked me) it was definitely true for the impact that this group had on me.
While I’m sure that rates have gone up for this program, there are likewise other great programs that are absolutely free. Many of them happen to be preparation programs for the First Communion. The one I went through was like that. I was very proud to go through my First Communion after finishing this program. I was doubly happy to have my parents be there. Let me tell you, it was difficult to get them in.
How do I get them in?
It can seem intimidating to go to church in the first place. It was for me. I’d never been inside a church before and didn’t know what to expect except for what I’ve seen on TV. I couldn’t imagine going into a church of a different religion. It would be too weird. You have to condition your parents to the idea of you going to church.
That means asking them over and over again. The squeaky wheel gets the grease right? Make sure you tell them that you want to go to church. Say you want them to be there with you because you love spending time with them. I don’t agree with going to church alone. I’ve tried it and when a church is completely empty it feels like you’re alone in the world. We need other Christians around us to help us rejoice in God. We need each other and there’s no better place to start than at home.
One way to get them to come with you is to participate in something where you can show off your talent. Join the church choir if you sing well or even to learn to sing. If you play an instrument like guitar, piano, or drums, there is likely a spot for you in the group. Parents are suckers for performing children, especially if they’re theirs. They like to show us off. They want to be proud of us. It’s their natural reaction to their creation. Make them proud of you and they will feel like the blessing that you are.
Hurdle #5: Forgiving Parents For Their Transgressions
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”- Matthew 6:14-15
This concept is a very important foundation of Christianity. It asks Christians to forgive those who sin against them just as we ask Jesus to forgive our sins. We must do so or we won’t be forgiven. This can be very difficult for anyone, child, teen, or adult. Remember that God freely forgives you. He expects you to do so to his fellow children. We are all children of God and to not grant your forgiveness for your own selfish reasons towards another of His children is to sin against him.
“Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”- Luke 17:3-4.
We will be forgiven according to how we forgive. That is something that you should make into a personal motto for your life. You must remember that throughout your day so that you don’t build up hatred and scorn for your fellow man. Hate has been naturally engrained in us to grow quickly and we are quick to it. Forgiveness is a learned behavior which we must learn to develop through the help of God.
To make sure that you are not being taken advantage of however by forgiving everyone for everything, you must keep their respect. The way to keep people’s respect for you while forgiving them is to forgive them in your heart but to stand up for yourself. That doesn’t mean that using profanity is suddenly OK.
Hurdle #6: Standing Up For Yourself
Do not be afraid to say no. Yes and no are both two very powerful words. Think about it. Yes shows approval, affirmation, and agreement. No shows disapproval, negation, and disagreement. If you find yourself using “yes” 99% of the time in your interactions with people, you’re going to have problems because people don’t always have your best interests in mind when they want something from you. If you believe that as long as you are good, bad things won’t happen to you, please read the story of Job. God wants us to grow. He wants us to overcome negativity and challenges. Why would Satan exist if not to challenge us against God’s teachings?
Assertiveness will help you stand up for yourself. It will help you get what you want from other people, whether it’s their cooperation, service, or help. Showing confidence goes hand in hand with assertiveness. Confidence comes from your body language. The way you stand, the tone and volume of your voice, and your general body language can have a dramatic effect on what you want to communicate to the other person. Make eye contact with people. Try not to slouch.
Speak loudly so that others can hear you. I used to think that I was speaking in a volume where people could hear me just fine. Yet people kept asking me to speak up! It was then I realized I’m just not being loud enough. I began to speak louder and more confidently. I still spoke in my same tone of voice, but I turned up the volume. It’s had very positive results as it has turned potentially conflictive situations upside down and de-escalated them.
If someone is talking bad about you, call them out on it! This will show them and everyone else watching or listening that you have enough confidence to defend yourself. Do not be aggressive or even passive aggressive when you are defending yourself against people. These both lead to trouble. If you’re about to be assaulted of course, you have a right to defend yourself as well as your family and friends. Be consistent about your new behaviors. Be consistent about standing up for yourself so that people don’t see a one-time thing or think there are people who you make an exception for. God wants you to be a confident and happy person. So stand up for yourself and honor God!
Criticism # 1: “He never existed.”
This is a hot topic due to the growing new age films on YouTube claiming that the story of Jesus is simply a copy of Egyptian pagan religions. There are sources out there that dwell on this topic deeper than I will in this book. I will say that Jesus must have existed because so many Roman authors have expressed His existence along with their hate for Him.
Authors like Cornelius Tacitus and Julian the Apostate are solid sources for His existence. These men hated Christianity and could have stamped it out if not for the fact that it was documented in their own government records. They could have tried to discredit it. They couldn’t because His existence was well documented.
I just don’t see any other way to state this. He existed. He exists now and forever. And he was definitely not a Sun God.
Criticism #2: Praying
The act of praying is a peaceful form of meditation in which we communicate with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to guide us in our actions towards salvation and daily life. We express our most intimate thoughts and desires, fears and prejudices in our prayers and ask for forgiveness & courage, will & action, and loving guidance.
It can be extremely difficult to have this action criticized or mocked. Prayer is very personal and must be treated as such. To have it done in your own home is even worse.
We must take care to not alienate our family members by making them feel excluded when we pray. If they interrupt us while praying, we should ask them to join us.
Worse yet, my aunt is a former Christian and still remembers her bible very well. One day when she came over she came up to my room and saw me praying. She started laughing. When I asked her why, she said, just read 1 Samuel 1:13. She closed the door grinning and I went to look it up. Lo and behold, she was making fun of me. Here’s what that verse reads “Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk.”
I was pretty upset at first. I told her about it later during lunch. She apologized to me said she was only kidding. She has that kind of personality. The kind where you’re not really sure if they’re being hostile or not and then you figure out they’re just making a joke. Looking back on it, it was a bit funny because I do sometimes mutter with my lips silently when praying. The other problem was that I immediately felt hostile to this situation because I felt like my beliefs were being disrespected.
It is right to defend God. But we must not feel zealous towards feeling persecuted. This leads to an anger that is not found in Christ but in sin because then we wish to have our revenge for being made fun of.
So what if we were to take this situation and treat it as if we were being made fun of because of our religious beliefs? The Bible tells us to have “a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.” – 1 Peter 3:16. We must forgive and defend our faith without stooping to someone else’s level and we must pray for those who consider us our enemies. We must also love them. This is a very difficult path to take because of our own desire to enact revenge on those we consider our enemies whether through foul language or deeds.
So let’s revisit the scenario: your aunt walks in, sees you praying, and starts laughing. Fast forward to lunchtime and you bring up the subject. She apologizes and you say “I know you were kidding. It’s not ok. I forgive you for it. Please respect my beliefs.” You must be confident in the Lord. Being confident in Him will give you confidence. Pray for confidence.
Criticism # 3: Wearing a Cross
Most Christians tend to wear a cross necklace around their neck. Whether it is silver, gold, plastic or made of wood like mine, it serves as a reminder of who we are. It is not an idol because we do not worship it. It is a reminder that we have a duty to God and His Son. For me, personally, it is a way to feel Jesus with me. It helps keep me accountable for the actions and attitudes I project.
No other symbol defines Christianity as well as the cross does. It’s definitely faster and less intrusive than drawing a fish in the sand, or pavement in today’s world. Not only do we wear it around our necks, we use it to begin and end prayers (at least in Catholicism), to show respect when we enter the Lord’s Churches, and in my wife’s case, whenever she passes by a cemetery. When I first did this in a household openly hostile to God, I felt like I was doing something bad.
I felt like I had committed a crime because I respect my parent’s rules but I also respect my Lord’s rules. While wearing a cross is not a Christian rule, I felt like it was a way to show that I was following God’s Law and not Man’s Law. I felt empowered wearing the cross because it helped me feel connected to God.
Parents should respect your donning of a cross as a personal choice. There is nothing inflammatory about it as it is only a symbol. Moreover, in America we have freedom of religion. You should be able to practice your religion as you see fit.
Criticism #4: Going to Church
As we covered earlier in this book, going to church can be a hot topic for atheist/agnostic parents. Do not let your parents belittle you for your beliefs. Stand up for yourself and for God. You are a living, breathing, thinking human being. You can make your own decisions about your own life. No one has a right to keep you from doing so. No one has a right to belittle you for doing so. Parents who do so are ultimately harming their children.
As I’ve said before, the way to deal with this is to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. Tell your parents that you are going to church. If they don’t like it or forbid you to do so, see Hurdle #4. Tell them you are surrounding yourself with positive people and that it is having a beneficial effect on your quality of life and attitude. Many atheists/agnostics tend to favor lifestyle theories regarding these topics anyway because they don’t have God to fulfill them.
You have to appeal to the benefits of Christ because they don’t believe in whole Heaven and Hell spiel. If you can appeal to their worldly reasons and benefits for choosing Christ, there is a good chance that they will start to think of the afterworld benefits of Christ. They will seek Christ for their own personal salvation out of their own green for fulfillment. Greed is a powerful driving force, and it is a deadly sin.
This is why this must be a very delicate approach to the benefits of Christ. You want them to see the benefit of community, charity, good deeds, harmony, and brotherhood. The salvation part will be implanted on them by the people they interact with. In a sense, Christians will help others find their way to salvation. I believe that this is one of the prime reasons why churches exist. We can’t find personal salvation by ourselves even if we lived in a cave with no one else around.
We need to be around others because God intended us to be social creatures. We yearn for affection, for relationships, for friends, for interaction. We want to know what other people are doing. There’s a reason why reality TV has not died off.
Final Advice: Reach Out To Other Christians
Besides the other tips mentioned, sometimes we just need advice from a fellow Christian. This is why going to Church is so important. You can meet other Christians there with more experience in the troubles you are facing. You can meet the clergy who have studied the problems that Christians have had and have been taught to help you solve them.
People will support you because they want to see you succeed in Christ, because they themselves want to succeed in Christ. They will see helping you as a good deed. They will see it as a “love thy neighbor” situation. Thank you for your support and I hope you have gained value from my book. God bless you.
Getting Closer To God In A Heathen Home:
Real Solutions For The Hurdles And Criticisms That Interfere With Growing Up Christian In An Agnostic/Atheist Household
Table of Contents
Introduction
Hurdle #1: Honoring Our Parents
Hurdle #2: How do I Stand Up For My Beliefs While Honoring My Parents?
Hurdle #3: “My house, my rules”
Hurdle #4: Going to Church or Bible Study
Hurdle #5: Forgiving Parents For Their Transgressions
Hurdle #6: Standing Up For Yourself
Criticism # 1: “He never existed.”
Criticism #2: Praying
Criticism # 3: Wearing a Cross
Criticism #4: Going to Church
Final Advice
Introduction
“Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.” - 1 Peter 4:16
It’s no strange case that a parent should worry about their child’s faith in God. It’s a parent’s duty to God to raise their child to be aware of their beliefs as they provide a guiding role. They model the behaviors and attitudes that they wish to impart on their children. It’s a rare thing then to have the roles reversed: having parents who do not believe in God while the child is the one interested in religion. This may happen in a home where the parents have genuinely never been interested in religion, or have turned away from it. It may happen in foster homes and in adoptive homes. Though it seems like an unknown topic, it must still be addressed.
This book is phrased specifically towards Christianity, though many of the same solutions may be applied to other religions. I must also mention that if you have been taught to believe in the Easter Bunny instead of the Crucifixion & Resurrection, to remember Santa instead of Jesus’s birth, and being frozen in ice rather than re-incarnation and heaven yet you wish to seek God, no matter how old you are right now, you are a very strong person. Not only that, but you have the Holy Spirit inside you guiding your path towards Him.
Hurdle # 1: Honoring Our Parents
If your parents do not agree with Christianity is it right to show them respect? Does the 5th Commandment apply if your parents are not Christian? The answer to these questions is yes, you still have to honor your parents. We only have one set of earthly parents. God ordered us in the 5th Commandment to honor them.
It doesn’t matter whether they are Christian or not. We are to honor them regardless. “Respect to parents is among the primary human duties; and no excellence can atone for the lack of such respect.” (Hertz) Remember that Jesus taught us that good works alone cannot save us. We must rely on our faith in Him and that is done by following His Laws. Therefore, we must always follow His Laws.
But what about times when doing so brings harm? “Only in cases of extreme rarity (e.g. where godless parents would guide children towards crime) can disobedience be justified.” (Hertz)As quoted above, there is a time when following all your parent’s wishes would not be best. It is safe to say that if your parent orders you to sin; their request should not be honored.
Is honoring the same as getting along?
To honor means to respect, to regard in high esteem, and also to obey. A powerful way to break a parent’s hold on their negative view of Christianity is to honor them and trust in Christ to help them see the benefit that the Lord has given you in your new attitude towards them. A parent’s heart is warmed when we do what they ask of us. So long as what they ask is not sinful or wrong.
A good relationship with your parent will help make them curious about Christ’s teachings. It will also help to nudge them into the reason why you are honoring them. You want them to develop respect for your personal beliefs and not to belittle them.
If your attitude towards them changes to where keeping the 5th Commandment is paramount, they will see that Christianity is a positive force in your life and want you to practice it (if only for the selfish reason that it gets you to listen to them and treat you with respect). Remember that respect is a two-way street. Your parents must also show it to you.
They are right to rebuke you for doing something wrong, for scolding you or criticizing you to keep you out of trouble. But they should not disrespect you and you must stand up for yourself and your beliefs if they cross that line. However, you must do it respectfully because they are still your parents.
Hurdle #2: How do I Stand Up For My Beliefs While Honoring My Parents?
Simply put, there is no substitute for respect and love. Parents correct our behavior, and we must correct theirs as well but in a respectful manner. This approach seeks to take advantage of their love for us. Let’s take the following situation: Your father walks into your room asking you to rake the leaves downstairs in the yard. He notices you are reading your bible on your bed. He says in a deriding tone “would you please put that crap away and go rake the leaves?
” You answer calmly “I’ll gladly rake the leaves dad, but remember that this book is teaching me to honor you. Do you not want me to honor you?” while getting up to hug or kiss them and go do the chore. If you are living with parents that beat you, this may not be the best response. The best response to parents that beat you is to report them. No one deserves to be beaten.
There are countless situations and variations of this conflict and so it would be pointless to try to list each and every single one. Neither I nor anyone else can give you a script to work off of to defend your beliefs. That must come from within you and your love of God. You must ask God to give you the courage and passion to defend yourself with.
That’s not to say that there aren’t simple things to remember to use to help you defend your beliefs. They are the following:
1. Everybody has a right to their beliefs.
2. Everyone has the right to be respected.
3. We all have the responsibility to show respect.
Remember these three important mottos and they will help you in your struggles.
“Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted…”- 2 Timothy 3:12
Hurdle #3: “My house, my rules”
Your parents may say “my house, my rules” to many of your arguments including this one. They have a point in that it is their house and you have to respect their rules if you live there. If you get to a point where your parents are restricting you to not wearing the cross, Jesus bracelets, t-shirts or the like, then you need to develop your relationship with your parents. They must respect your choice in order to let you have your choice of what to wear.
Many parents have dictatorial qualities which are a way to try to control you because they don’t feel love coming from you. Showing your parents that you love them will go a long way towards reducing their dictatorial qualities. Dictators need fear to govern. It is a very precarious situation because I understand that your parent’s attitudes may be borderline insane towards your choices.
This is why love is so vital to breaking down that attitude of control. Parents may also be jealous of your love for Christ and feel like they’ve been replaced. It may feel like you are the mature adult and they are the child that you must take care of. I know that I felt like I was taking care of my parent’s feelings but I knew that this was ruining my life and my relationship with God.
I knew that Christ was love and that parents can’t help but to love their child and so I began to show my parents love again very slightly. I would say goodbye to them as I left the house instead of walking by them and not saying it. That progressed to giving them kiss on the cheek when I would leave or come home. After, this grew to having conversations that lasted more than a few sentences. Before long, we began talking about my religion again on a more respectful level. I let my love for Christ show through honoring my parents and so they let me have what I wanted.
I soon began wearing WWJD bracelets, a cross around my neck, and even a t-shirt from my church! And, they were OK with this. They still disagreed with me on Christianity, but they began to tolerate my beliefs and respect me for taking a stand for them.
Hurdle #4: Going to Church or Bible Study
At the time I seriously began to be interested in Christianity, I was 12 years old. I was old enough to walk home by myself and stay out a little bit later after school. I was more interested in my friend Anna at the time as well, and she liked to go to church classes after school. It was like a free day care for her parents who worked late. That’s not to say that it was the only reason, as they were Christians as well. It worked out for them. It would also work out for me.
Once I began tagging along with Anna at Church I was taken in by the stories of the bible and the activities at the classes we would do. We learned about Christian customs like drawing fish in the sand to identify each other. We did that in the church sandbox .We had a basketball court where our self-proclaimed teams “Mary’s Models” for the girls and “St. Jude’s Walking Sticks” for the boys would compete against each other every afternoon.
There were light snacks on a table if we were hungry. And, of course, there was a lot of Bible Study. It cost $20 a month for each of us to attend this after school program and that just happened to be my allowance for the month. Things have a way of working out. While that may not be true for Anna and me (she never liked me) it was definitely true for the impact that this group had on me.
While I’m sure that rates have gone up for this program, there are likewise other great programs that are absolutely free. Many of them happen to be preparation programs for the First Communion. The one I went through was like that. I was very proud to go through my First Communion after finishing this program. I was doubly happy to have my parents be there. Let me tell you, it was difficult to get them in.
How do I get them in?
It can seem intimidating to go to church in the first place. It was for me. I’d never been inside a church before and didn’t know what to expect except for what I’ve seen on TV. I couldn’t imagine going into a church of a different religion. It would be too weird. You have to condition your parents to the idea of you going to church.
That means asking them over and over again. The squeaky wheel gets the grease right? Make sure you tell them that you want to go to church. Say you want them to be there with you because you love spending time with them. I don’t agree with going to church alone. I’ve tried it and when a church is completely empty it feels like you’re alone in the world. We need other Christians around us to help us rejoice in God. We need each other and there’s no better place to start than at home.
One way to get them to come with you is to participate in something where you can show off your talent. Join the church choir if you sing well or even to learn to sing. If you play an instrument like guitar, piano, or drums, there is likely a spot for you in the group. Parents are suckers for performing children, especially if they’re theirs. They like to show us off. They want to be proud of us. It’s their natural reaction to their creation. Make them proud of you and they will feel like the blessing that you are.
Hurdle #5: Forgiving Parents For Their Transgressions
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”- Matthew 6:14-15
This concept is a very important foundation of Christianity. It asks Christians to forgive those who sin against them just as we ask Jesus to forgive our sins. We must do so or we won’t be forgiven. This can be very difficult for anyone, child, teen, or adult. Remember that God freely forgives you. He expects you to do so to his fellow children. We are all children of God and to not grant your forgiveness for your own selfish reasons towards another of His children is to sin against him.
“Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”- Luke 17:3-4.
We will be forgiven according to how we forgive. That is something that you should make into a personal motto for your life. You must remember that throughout your day so that you don’t build up hatred and scorn for your fellow man. Hate has been naturally engrained in us to grow quickly and we are quick to it. Forgiveness is a learned behavior which we must learn to develop through the help of God.
To make sure that you are not being taken advantage of however by forgiving everyone for everything, you must keep their respect. The way to keep people’s respect for you while forgiving them is to forgive them in your heart but to stand up for yourself. That doesn’t mean that using profanity is suddenly OK.
Hurdle #6: Standing Up For Yourself
Do not be afraid to say no. Yes and no are both two very powerful words. Think about it. Yes shows approval, affirmation, and agreement. No shows disapproval, negation, and disagreement. If you find yourself using “yes” 99% of the time in your interactions with people, you’re going to have problems because people don’t always have your best interests in mind when they want something from you. If you believe that as long as you are good, bad things won’t happen to you, please read the story of Job. God wants us to grow. He wants us to overcome negativity and challenges. Why would Satan exist if not to challenge us against God’s teachings?
Assertiveness will help you stand up for yourself. It will help you get what you want from other people, whether it’s their cooperation, service, or help. Showing confidence goes hand in hand with assertiveness. Confidence comes from your body language. The way you stand, the tone and volume of your voice, and your general body language can have a dramatic effect on what you want to communicate to the other person. Make eye contact with people. Try not to slouch.
Speak loudly so that others can hear you. I used to think that I was speaking in a volume where people could hear me just fine. Yet people kept asking me to speak up! It was then I realized I’m just not being loud enough. I began to speak louder and more confidently. I still spoke in my same tone of voice, but I turned up the volume. It’s had very positive results as it has turned potentially conflictive situations upside down and de-escalated them.
If someone is talking bad about you, call them out on it! This will show them and everyone else watching or listening that you have enough confidence to defend yourself. Do not be aggressive or even passive aggressive when you are defending yourself against people. These both lead to trouble. If you’re about to be assaulted of course, you have a right to defend yourself as well as your family and friends. Be consistent about your new behaviors. Be consistent about standing up for yourself so that people don’t see a one-time thing or think there are people who you make an exception for. God wants you to be a confident and happy person. So stand up for yourself and honor God!
Criticism # 1: “He never existed.”
This is a hot topic due to the growing new age films on YouTube claiming that the story of Jesus is simply a copy of Egyptian pagan religions. There are sources out there that dwell on this topic deeper than I will in this book. I will say that Jesus must have existed because so many Roman authors have expressed His existence along with their hate for Him.
Authors like Cornelius Tacitus and Julian the Apostate are solid sources for His existence. These men hated Christianity and could have stamped it out if not for the fact that it was documented in their own government records. They could have tried to discredit it. They couldn’t because His existence was well documented.
I just don’t see any other way to state this. He existed. He exists now and forever. And he was definitely not a Sun God.
Criticism #2: Praying
The act of praying is a peaceful form of meditation in which we communicate with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to guide us in our actions towards salvation and daily life. We express our most intimate thoughts and desires, fears and prejudices in our prayers and ask for forgiveness & courage, will & action, and loving guidance.
It can be extremely difficult to have this action criticized or mocked. Prayer is very personal and must be treated as such. To have it done in your own home is even worse.
We must take care to not alienate our family members by making them feel excluded when we pray. If they interrupt us while praying, we should ask them to join us.
Worse yet, my aunt is a former Christian and still remembers her bible very well. One day when she came over she came up to my room and saw me praying. She started laughing. When I asked her why, she said, just read 1 Samuel 1:13. She closed the door grinning and I went to look it up. Lo and behold, she was making fun of me. Here’s what that verse reads “Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk.”
I was pretty upset at first. I told her about it later during lunch. She apologized to me said she was only kidding. She has that kind of personality. The kind where you’re not really sure if they’re being hostile or not and then you figure out they’re just making a joke. Looking back on it, it was a bit funny because I do sometimes mutter with my lips silently when praying. The other problem was that I immediately felt hostile to this situation because I felt like my beliefs were being disrespected.
It is right to defend God. But we must not feel zealous towards feeling persecuted. This leads to an anger that is not found in Christ but in sin because then we wish to have our revenge for being made fun of.
So what if we were to take this situation and treat it as if we were being made fun of because of our religious beliefs? The Bible tells us to have “a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.” – 1 Peter 3:16. We must forgive and defend our faith without stooping to someone else’s level and we must pray for those who consider us our enemies. We must also love them. This is a very difficult path to take because of our own desire to enact revenge on those we consider our enemies whether through foul language or deeds.
So let’s revisit the scenario: your aunt walks in, sees you praying, and starts laughing. Fast forward to lunchtime and you bring up the subject. She apologizes and you say “I know you were kidding. It’s not ok. I forgive you for it. Please respect my beliefs.” You must be confident in the Lord. Being confident in Him will give you confidence. Pray for confidence.
Criticism # 3: Wearing a Cross
Most Christians tend to wear a cross necklace around their neck. Whether it is silver, gold, plastic or made of wood like mine, it serves as a reminder of who we are. It is not an idol because we do not worship it. It is a reminder that we have a duty to God and His Son. For me, personally, it is a way to feel Jesus with me. It helps keep me accountable for the actions and attitudes I project.
No other symbol defines Christianity as well as the cross does. It’s definitely faster and less intrusive than drawing a fish in the sand, or pavement in today’s world. Not only do we wear it around our necks, we use it to begin and end prayers (at least in Catholicism), to show respect when we enter the Lord’s Churches, and in my wife’s case, whenever she passes by a cemetery. When I first did this in a household openly hostile to God, I felt like I was doing something bad.
I felt like I had committed a crime because I respect my parent’s rules but I also respect my Lord’s rules. While wearing a cross is not a Christian rule, I felt like it was a way to show that I was following God’s Law and not Man’s Law. I felt empowered wearing the cross because it helped me feel connected to God.
Parents should respect your donning of a cross as a personal choice. There is nothing inflammatory about it as it is only a symbol. Moreover, in America we have freedom of religion. You should be able to practice your religion as you see fit.
Criticism #4: Going to Church
As we covered earlier in this book, going to church can be a hot topic for atheist/agnostic parents. Do not let your parents belittle you for your beliefs. Stand up for yourself and for God. You are a living, breathing, thinking human being. You can make your own decisions about your own life. No one has a right to keep you from doing so. No one has a right to belittle you for doing so. Parents who do so are ultimately harming their children.
As I’ve said before, the way to deal with this is to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. Tell your parents that you are going to church. If they don’t like it or forbid you to do so, see Hurdle #4. Tell them you are surrounding yourself with positive people and that it is having a beneficial effect on your quality of life and attitude. Many atheists/agnostics tend to favor lifestyle theories regarding these topics anyway because they don’t have God to fulfill them.
You have to appeal to the benefits of Christ because they don’t believe in whole Heaven and Hell spiel. If you can appeal to their worldly reasons and benefits for choosing Christ, there is a good chance that they will start to think of the afterworld benefits of Christ. They will seek Christ for their own personal salvation out of their own green for fulfillment. Greed is a powerful driving force, and it is a deadly sin.
This is why this must be a very delicate approach to the benefits of Christ. You want them to see the benefit of community, charity, good deeds, harmony, and brotherhood. The salvation part will be implanted on them by the people they interact with. In a sense, Christians will help others find their way to salvation. I believe that this is one of the prime reasons why churches exist. We can’t find personal salvation by ourselves even if we lived in a cave with no one else around.
We need to be around others because God intended us to be social creatures. We yearn for affection, for relationships, for friends, for interaction. We want to know what other people are doing. There’s a reason why reality TV has not died off.
Final Advice: Reach Out To Other Christians
Besides the other tips mentioned, sometimes we just need advice from a fellow Christian. This is why going to Church is so important. You can meet other Christians there with more experience in the troubles you are facing. You can meet the clergy who have studied the problems that Christians have had and have been taught to help you solve them.
People will support you because they want to see you succeed in Christ, because they themselves want to succeed in Christ. They will see helping you as a good deed. They will see it as a “love thy neighbor” situation. Thank you for your support and I hope you have gained value from my book. God bless you.