Messing with the TSA for fun

[madfranks]

So I had a flight to catch this morning, on my way back from a business trip, and whenever I get the chance to f*$& with the TSA, I take the opportunity. This morning was my best one yet. The main security line breaks up into three or four smaller lines, each with the naked body scanner at the end. Just as I made my way into one of the smaller lines, a large and ugly TSA creature announced that this line was now closed because he and his team were going on a lunch break, so I was the last one in that line. The creature was verbally complaining about how tired he was and how he was starving, so I decided this was a good time to really muck up the process. When I made my way to the bins, I grabbed one bin and slowly and methodically began putting my stuff in it. Then I decided I needed a second bin, so I went and got a second. Then I decided I needed a third, so I went and got a third. I didn't take off my shoes and approached the line to the naked body scanner. I pretended not to hear the creature when he told me to take my shoes off. After he got right up in my face I said "Oh, I have to take my shoes off?" innocently, and then I decided I needed a fourth bin, so I went back and grabbed a fourth bin to put my shoes. I left my laptop in the bag, because I knew it'd have to come back and be rescanned. As I went back for my shoes, an associate of the creature asked if I left my laptop in the bag, to which I replied "oh, was I supposed to take it out?" I began to go back for a fifth bin, but the creature said I didn't need it so I pretended to have a problem with the zipper on my bag but finally got the laptop out. At this point everyone else had already made it through the naked body scanner so I walked up and as he began to direct me to the machine I stopped, sighed, turned to him and said "I'd like to opt out please." I could see the frustration on his face, and he decided he was going to try and convince me to do the scanner:

Him: It's harmless something waves, yada yada
Me: Is it?
Him: Yes it's perfectly safe, yada yada
Me: I don't care
Him: Why not, there's no reason to opt out or be scared
Me: I'm not scared
Him: Then why don't you want to go through the machine?
Me (with a smile on my face): Because I don't want to
Him: Fine, come with me.

So he escorts me past the machine and explains the pat down process, and as he pats me down he notices my belt is still on.

Him: You're supposed to take your belt off.
Me: Really? Why?
Him: Nevermind, don't worry about it.

So I get the pat down, and even though they tell you they're going to feel your crotch and ass, he doesn't. He brushes his gloves up and down and goes to the explosive detector to see if I have explosive residue on me. At this point I get curious so I ask him what if I was a farmer and had fertilizer residue or something else and got a false positive on the machine? He doesn't take my bait but simply doesn't answer and tells me I'm free to go. So now I have four bins in front of me, and I take my time putting everything back in the bags and my shoes back on. In the end I think I took up 10 minutes or more once I made it to the front.

By the way, I try to do this every time I fly, even when there's lots of people behind me. Mucking up the line and slowing everyone down is a great way to make everyone pissed off at the whole process. Of course, they're really pissed at me, but frustrating everyone at the security lines is a good way to make people unhappy about the whole stupid process.

[old steel]

No way i would go through that shit, total boycott of them and their facilities since it came into being.

I know, business, convenience, time and all that but they know people would never give it up.

Planes are disappearing, getting blown up. Still they fly.

[collector]

Love it !!

All of my TSA experiences involve a pat down - I will never go through the radiation machine. The last time I flew (about a month ago) I actually saw someone else go through the pat down procedure. When I was finished I walked past him as he was in the process of putting his shoes back on. I said " what's the problem, don't like getting a dose of radiation"? We both laughed and shook hands.
Too bad more people don't opt out, it's discouraging that I seem to be the only one doing it when I'm going through screening.

All of my experiences were pretty decent - agents were respectful and didn't really have a problem with anything. One time in the Albany airport I had the opportunity to debate with one of them over the machines. She tried convincing me that they were safe, using less than cell phone waves. My response was something like - didn't you guys also swear that the old machines were safe for the last 8 years? As far as cell phone radiation, the jury is still out on the effects of that on the human body. The TSA robot kept coming back with how these machines were safe, quick, and private (seriously - private !?)
I did laugh when she said private but pretty much ended it there and got the pat down.

All my other experiences were decent, no big deal and no ones yelling "OPT OUT" anymore.

[madfranks]

No way i would go through that shit, total boycott of them and their facilities since it came into being.

I know, business, convenience, time and all that but they know people would never give it up.

Planes are disappearing, getting blown up. Still they fly.

Unfortunately in my line of business sometimes you have to fly in and out in the same day to make a meeting in another city. It sucks, but thankfully I don't fly very often, maybe twice a year.

[old steel]

Oh well you do what you gotta do.

[gunDriller]

i haven't flown on an aeroplane since 2006.

when i think about current grope & scan procedures, i have a feeling like i want to punch somebody.

i find it's wise to avoid situations and people that make me feel that way.

[milehi]

I always loudly announce that I'm opting out of the machine. Last time the puke was barking orders I ended up stripping down to my underwear in front of a large crowd. He told me he wanted to kick my ass. I blew him a kiss. The cops showed up and I told them I didn't need to be treated rudely by some asshole. I told them I was going to my gate and that they wouldn't hear a peep for me. They said "by." And away I went.

[Hitch]

I haven't flown since 2004. Been quite some time. The thought of all this you have to go through sounds like a pain in the ass.

[iOWNme]

Terrorist.


:)

[EE_]

http://www.permacultureproject.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/al-gebra.jpg

[mick silver]

mad you need to get back in line , you know the rules and your rulers by now ... huh:o

[gunDriller]

maybe a suitcase full of poison oak leaves for any TSA inspector that tries to steal a laptop ?

[mick silver]

then you would be called a Terrorist ... but that's a real good one poison oak leaves
maybe a suitcase full of poison oak leaves for any TSA inspector that tries to steal a laptop ?

[Dogman]

then you would be called a Terrorist ... but that's a real good one poison oak leaves Another one would be if can be found is 100% pure capsaicin if it even exists, powder as fine as it could be.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capsaicin

Tho what ever it is in probably would need to be got rid of later wearing a bio suit. ;D

Yes they wear gloves, but if one does not know what it is, a good dose is almost guaranteed. :o

Anyone that has cutup any good hot peppers without gloves (and even then, accidents do happen) that have any heat in them the first time not knowing. Well most only do it once! Capsacin is the gift that keeps on giving to those that handle really hot peppers bare handed.

My lesson before clued was I cutup some peppers to save the seeds, (no gloves) and later in the day I needed to take a piss! Soap and water bairly puts a dent is anything that has contact.

:o

Blisters I tell you!

;D

But then there would be a charge terrorist use of chemical and or biological weapons.