Citigroup to Move Headquarters to U.S. Capitol Building

[Ares]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The banking giant Citigroup announced on Friday that it would move its headquarters from New York to the U.S. Capitol Building, in Washington, D.C., in early 2015.

Tracy Klugian, a spokesperson for Citi, said that the company had leased thirty thousand square feet of prime real estate on the floor of the House of Representatives and would be interviewing “world-class architects” to redesign the space to suit its needs.

According to sources, Citi successfully outbid other firms, including JPMorgan Chase and Goldman Sachs, for the right to move its headquarters to the House floor.

The Citi spokesperson acknowledged that the extensive makeover of the House is expected to cost “in the millions,” but added, “It’s always expensive to open a new branch.”

Explaining the rationale behind the move, Klugian told reporters, “Instead of constantly flying out from New York to give members of Congress their marching orders, Citigroup executives can be right on the floor with them, handing them legislation and telling them how to vote. This is going to result in tremendous cost savings going forward.”

Klugian said that Citi’s chairman, Michael E. O’Neill, will not occupy a corner office on the House floor, preferring instead an “open plan” that will allow him to mingle freely with members of Congress.

“He doesn’t want to come off like he’s their boss,” the spokesperson said. “Basically, he wants to send the message, ‘We’re all on the same team. Let’s roll up our sleeves and get stuff done.’ ”

SATIRE!!!!

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/citigroup-move-headquarters-u-s-capitol-building

[General of Darkness]

This is fucking treason if you ask me

[palani]

Perhaps this would be a good thread to mention Elizabeth Warren's speech to Congress?

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/elizabeth-warren-lindsey-graham-citigroup-funding-bill




Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) managed to get under Sen. Lindsey Graham's (R-SC) skin with a speech Friday night bashing CitiGroup's deep ties to Washington and a provision in a government spending bill rolling back part of Dodd-Frank.

Warren's speech came late Friday night as Congress struggled to pass legislation to prevent a government shutdown. Warren, in particular, called out CitiGroup and its employee's connections to Congress which, she argued, helped keep the provision in the $1.1 trillion spending bill.

"Mr. President, Democrats don't like Wall Street bailouts," Warren said. "Republicans don't like Wall Street bailouts. The American people are disgusted by Wall Street bailouts. And yet here we are five years after Dodd-Frank with Congress on the verge of ramming through a provision that would do nothing for the middle class, do nothing for community banks, do nothing but raise the risk that taxpayers will have to bail out the biggest banks once again."

The influence of major banks like CitiGroup explains why the provision is in the bill at all, Warren explained. Warren listed a number of former CitiGroup officials who have taken top positions in the Obama administration and past administrations.

"You know, there is a lot of talk lately about how Dodd-Frank isn't perfect. There is a lot of talk coming from CitiGroup about how Dodd-Frank isn't perfect," Warren continued. "So let me say this to anyone listening at Citi —I agree with you. Dodd-Frank isn't perfect. It should have broken you into pieces. If this Congress is going to open up Dodd-Frank in the months ahead then let's open it up to get tougher, not to create more bailout opportunities."

Warren's speech provoked Graham to come to the floor afterward and say that Warren was actually the problem.

"You have every right to vote no and argue to bring the bill down,” Graham said, as noted by Politico. “If there’s something you don’t like, welcome to democracy."

Graham then said that Warren was really the problem.

"If you follow the lead of the senator of Massachusetts … people are not going to believe you are mature enough to run the place,” Graham said. “Don’t follow her lead. She’s the problem.”

[General of Darkness]

Perhaps this would be a good thread to mention Elizabeth Warren's speech to Congress?

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/elizabeth-warren-lindsey-graham-citigroup-funding-bill

I do agree with this socialist cunt on this matter.

[crimethink]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The banking giant Citigroup announced on Friday that it would move its headquarters from New York to the U.S. Capitol Building, in Washington, D.C., in early 2015.

(...)

www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/citigroup-move-headquarters-u-s-capitol-building

The Banksters love the obedience of the Congress, but they regard members in great contempt as pathetic little POSs who are easily controlled with relatively low amounts of cash. They'd never really move there.

[EE_]

I do agree with this socialist cunt on this matter.

Q. When does a liberal, socialist cunt become a principled and moraled person?
A. When she's going to run for president!

[midnight rambler]

Warren will be in the running to make Shillary look like a moderate.

[Horn]

I don't see anything satirical about the article.

?