mick silver
31st October 2015, 06:57 AM
October 30, 2015 Jeb Quits Race with “Mission Accomplished” BannerBy Andy Borowitz (http://www.newyorker.com/contributors/andy-borowitz)
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http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/boro-jeb-mission-690.jpg (http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/boro-jeb-mission-1200.jpg) Credit Photograph by David Becker/Getty MIAMI (The Borowitz Report (http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report))—Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush announced that he was dropping out of the race for the Republican Presidential nomination, while standing in front of a “Mission Accomplished” banner draped over the façade of his campaign headquarters, in Miami.
Speaking to his remaining staff members who were seated in a dozen folding chairs, Bush thanked them for the hard work that led to the triumphant completion of their mission.
“Our work is done,” Bush said. “Thanks to you, we have prevailed.”
While acknowledging that he took pride in the impressive success of his campaign, Bush stressed that victory did not belong to him alone. “This is a great day for America,” he said.
Upon the conclusion of his remarks, Bush bade farewell to his staffers with a military-style salute before stepping into a waiting helicopter and ascending to the skies.
Minutes after Bush flew away, however, reporters asked senior Bush staffers to define more clearly the mission that Bush had deemed accomplished.
“We feel really good about the work we did, our ground game, getting the word out about Jeb’s accomplishments as a conservative Governor in Florida,” said Bush’s campaign manager, Danny Diaz, who added, “Please, just leave me alone.”
Watch: Comma Queen Mary Norris discusses grammatical uses of “I” and “me.”
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http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/boro-jeb-mission-690.jpg (http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/boro-jeb-mission-1200.jpg) Credit Photograph by David Becker/Getty MIAMI (The Borowitz Report (http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report))—Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush announced that he was dropping out of the race for the Republican Presidential nomination, while standing in front of a “Mission Accomplished” banner draped over the façade of his campaign headquarters, in Miami.
Speaking to his remaining staff members who were seated in a dozen folding chairs, Bush thanked them for the hard work that led to the triumphant completion of their mission.
“Our work is done,” Bush said. “Thanks to you, we have prevailed.”
While acknowledging that he took pride in the impressive success of his campaign, Bush stressed that victory did not belong to him alone. “This is a great day for America,” he said.
Upon the conclusion of his remarks, Bush bade farewell to his staffers with a military-style salute before stepping into a waiting helicopter and ascending to the skies.
Minutes after Bush flew away, however, reporters asked senior Bush staffers to define more clearly the mission that Bush had deemed accomplished.
“We feel really good about the work we did, our ground game, getting the word out about Jeb’s accomplishments as a conservative Governor in Florida,” said Bush’s campaign manager, Danny Diaz, who added, “Please, just leave me alone.”
Watch: Comma Queen Mary Norris discusses grammatical uses of “I” and “me.”
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